Linda Martinez-Lewi PhD - The Narcissist In Your Life

Are You Married to a Narcissistic Golden Boy—Protect Yourself

“In many ways, the birth of the future narcissist is a second coming, the fulfillment of all the hopes and dreams of the parents. Because they feel empty and inadequate and are often narcissistic themselves, the child is the chosen one, the answer to all of their prayers…A common message communicated by the parents is: ‘Everything we do is for you—you are the center of our world.’ ” (From: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life)

Golden boy narcissists are standouts almost from the beginning. Handsome, highly confident, athletic, bright—they magnify us with their presence. They have a dynamic that tells us they can handle and master whatever comes along in their lives. If they are attracted to you, it won’t be long before you find them irresistible. When we feel the sexual attraction and emotional pull it is very difficult to listen to any mental doubts we might have. The golden boy is a master of the chase. If he wants a particular woman by his side, he is gifted at reeling her in. Narcissists can gauge how attracted you are to them. They know just which buttons to push, how to create an aura of excitement and unlimited possibilities and put it at your feet. Their promises and the pictures they paint of a life with them are highly believable.

Within a short time you are psychologically fused with them and romantically thrilled by being the chosen woman with whom this special person will share his life. For a short time after the marriage, everything appears to be going as promised. Then, a shift takes place. You catch you spouse in lies. He denies them and is furious with you for false accusation. You question yourself, believing that you could be wrong. The idealization of the golden boy narcissist by the non-narcissistic spouse is the painful, predictable mistake that is made. Their acts are so convincing that some golden boy narcissists belong on the Broadway stage.

As time moves forward, the red flags are more frequent. Every time something goes wrong, you are blamed.Quite often it is the narcissist who is out of line. That doesn’t matter. Narcissists don’t make mistakes. You take the blame even though it hurts. You have invested too much of yourself to do otherwise. Then there is the narcissist’s role as master controller. He dictates every phase of your life, even to the smallest detail. Narcissists monitor your thoughts and tell you that your thinking is amiss. “What’s the matter with you? You’re so confused. Why are you constantly over-reacting?” If you want to go through the family finances with the narcissistic, he becomes very defensive and then angry and ugly. He accuses you of not trusting him. As the marriage goes along in years, the golden boy narcissist becomes an attack dog,showing his fangs whenever you speak with independent thinking and an assertive voice. You are castigated, humiliated and verbally threatened. “You do it my way or else.” That’s what this so called golden boy is saying. Finally you recognize that this “relationship” isn’t working. There’s no warmth, no respect,no empathy–just constant stress and being on an emotional edge that is intolerable.

Learn to protect yourself from these GB narcissists. Don’t buy into their lies and prevarications. They are not going to change. The narcissistic personality is a fixed. The narcissists adores himself and controls everyone else. Why should he change–he’s perfect.

Often it is best to cut your loses and look to your future without the narcissistic golden boy. Listen to your intuition, the wise one inside of us. Call on friends whom you trust to be supportive and respectful of your decisions and are available when you need them. Take time to study the narcissistic personality in-depth. Don’t blame yourself for what the narcissist has put you through. Look forward to a life that you deserve that is filled with creativity, affection, spontaneity and a deep peace that is waiting for you. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: [email protected]

Step Out of the Narcissist’s Delusional World Now

“The narcissist lives in an intricate world of his making dominated by inflated illusions of self importance. His style is grandiose—like some peacock or wild turkey with feathers in full display…Experiencing himself at the center of life like a sun surrounded by encircling planets, the narcissist believes that everything flows from him.” (From:
Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life). You are “real” to the narcissist and defined by what you can achieve for him not who you are. The narcissist expects you to follow his lead and stroke his ego. Your independent thought is foreign to him and considered inferior.

Narcissists run cold about the feelings of others, especially spouses and children. If you are upset, never expect to be comforted. The narcissist may make a few noises in your direction but then he’s off to his own pursuits. To get along with a narcissist you are expected to share his delusions of greatness at the same time that you ignore the devastating psychological effects of the harm you are enduring. Eventually, the non-narcissistic spouse may recognize that this is not a genuine relationship. Quite often there is a painful back and forth vacillation that occurs. The injured spouse decides to take the narcissist back, even re-marries him and has additional children only to find out that this person has not changed. The narcissist becomes even more manipulative and ruthless, leading to a serious personal crisis for the non-narcissist. Narcissists walk blithely away from the emotional chaos they have created. They are bored with all of the “theatrics” of their spouses, their “overreactions.” Often they have someone else who has already replaced the psychologically abused spouse. Many narcissists abandon their children, figuring that it is much easier to produce some new ones with someone else.

Learn to identify in depth the specific characteristics of the narcissistic personality—their quirks, tricks, games, ruses and understand that it is not worth giving your life to someone who is absolutely incapable of emotional intimacy or empathy and will not change. If you are already in a marital situation with a narcissist that is causing havoc in your life, seriously consider severing this “relationship.” Think clearly about the steps you need to take to maintain your emotional and psychological stamina. Remind yourself that you deserve to lead a life that belongs to you that gives you every opportunity to use your creative gifts, to make decisions freely, to experience inner peace and, yes, joy. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Is the Narcissist Exploiting You Again…

“The narcissist is a master at extracting the pulp and juice of others-their time, talent, creative ideas, energies-to serve his purpose alone…All relationships with narcissistic individuals are exploitive….Whether personal or professional, agreements, contracts, or covenants with narcissists are made to be broken.” (From: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life).

Narcissists don’t waste their time with you unless you will bring them success, status and/or money. If you are not, they cannot be bothered with you and cross you off of their list. The narcissist is always scanning his environment, looking for those who will produce for him. By seduction or guile he will win over and claim as his own those who will feed his boundless ego. Every relationship for the narcissist is a stepping-stone to success. Narcissists are always looking toward the future to plot, plan and achieve their next goal.

Narcissists think of others as inanimate objects, like pieces on a chessboard that they can masterfully manipulate.

To protect yourself from narcissists and be free of their intrusions on your life, learn to identify them quickly. Pay close attention to your intuition–that wisest of voices that always tells you who someone really is. Study the narcissistic personality disorder in depth. Build a strong grounded center within yourself. Treat yourself with respect and build a strong sense of self entitlement. Practice healing modalities that work for you: gentle hat yoga, q gong, meditation. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

You Are Not Your Narcissistic Spouse’s Servant

“Besides jeopardizing their psychological and physical health, those who live with narcissists, particularly spouses, rob themselves of vital opportunities to develop their unique creative gifts. The se aside their talents, dries and dreams to spend huge amount of time and energy at the disposal of a corporate wife or husband or an obsessive entrepreneur.” (From: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life)

You may wake up today and realize that you have been in the role of servant to your narcissistic spouse for many years. If you grew up with a narcissistic parent, mother in particular, the stage is set in many ways. You were to go-for person, the fixer, the one who took care of the other children. You were the little mother, the protector. You didn’t have a childhood. Don’t repeat this painful pattern. Make a clear decision to either stay with this narcissist who is not going to change or to sever the relationships. Take very good care of yourself. Make sure you have the support of a few friends with whom you can communicate at any time. Practice healing modalities like walking or sitting meditation and gentle yoga. Pay attention and follow your intuition. It is your best friend for life. To learn about the narcissistic personality disorder in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist In your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: [email protected]

Disentangling Yourself From Narcissistic Husband

Many women marry narcissistic men without knowing it. It is very easy to be taken in by these super charmers. If you now recognize that you are married to this man, you experience his Jekyll/Hyde traits—-magnetic and charismatic, wearing his public persona. Everyone in his adoring audience is applauding–This is Dr. Jekyll. Behind closed doors another hidden personality comes out of the shadows—Yes, Mr. Hyde is here. Mr. Hyde strikes fear in his spouse. He is filled with endless rage that spews out in frightening ways. He is always right; you are always wrong. Mr. Hyde criticizes you, expecting you to be perfect. When you let down and think that your life is becoming calmer, your spouse verbally demeans you, calls you worthless and stupid, causing severe emotional distress. You ask yourself: Should I stay in this marriage. Maybe, I’m at fault. If I tried harder, was more patient, gave him more of a chance, we could work it out.

This kind of thinking will prolong the narcissistic spouse’s verbal abuse and your constant anxiety, depression and feelings of being trapped. Study the narcissistic personality disorder in-depth. Narcissists do not change; this is a fixed characterlogical disorder. Narcissists are not only pleased with themselves; they are ecstatic about their perfect selves, their mastery and control of others and the adulation of their adoring circle. Work consistently at becoming stronger psychologically and using your creative gifts. Take time practicing quieting your mind with gentle yoga and meditation in the way that these healing modalities work for you. As you develop a sense of separateness and a greater appreciation of yourself as a unique individual, you will begin to disentangle yourself from your narcissistic spouse. You will become more detached and capable of seeing the narcissist clearly, recognizing that you are entitled to lead the life you deserve. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Disentangling Yourself From Your Narcissistic Husband

Many women marry narcissistic men without knowing it. It is very easy to be taken in by these super charmers. You are married to a Jekyll/hyde personality In public he is Dr. Jekyll—-magnetic and charismatic in his persona. Behind closed doors, Mr. Hyde walks in. He strikes fear in you. He is enraged constantly, verbally abusive and out of control. Your narcissistic husband has a fixed personality disorder that is not going to changed. He is enraptured with himself, believing that he is superior, brilliant and perfect. He has no respect for you—you are disposable. He can find someone else with whom to replace you.

As soon as you are aware that you are married to a narcissist, begin to strengthen yourself on every level–psychologically, emotionally, physically and spiritually. Practicing quieting your mind with meditation and yoga. Walking and other forms of cardiovascular exercise give you endorphins, those hormones of feelings of well being and energy and stamina that will help you through your severing this toxic relationship. Trust in yourself and know that you deserve to lead a life that belongs to you. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Covert Narcissists Convince Us They Are Good People

Covert narcissists fly under the radar. It can be very difficult to identify them before they have psychologically ambushed you. Polite, humble, soft spoken, respectful in manner, the covert narcissists conceals his true nature with great skill. He/she comes on the scene unobtrusively. They are at your service, appear to be good listeners and are clever actors of pseudo empathy. In the first moves the covert narcissist appears to be very sincere. He/she has your best interests at heart. This is the bait and the trap. You come to trust and count on this seemingly considerate person who is so interested in your life and goals. The covert narcissist thinks long term, way down the road. He does favors for you and you take him into your confidence. All the while the covert narcissist is sizing you up. The closer he/she comes in, the greater his opportunity for exploiting you. Like all narcissists, these individuals don’t bother with people they can’t manipulate and deceive. Those who romantically fall for the covert narcissist are bound to be very disappointed and hurt. These individuals have taken your measure and know that by romancing you and becoming an indispensable part of your life that they will own your feelings and possess you psychologically. It is not surprising that the covert narcissist chooses a partner or spouse based on social status, professional accomplishments and social and business connections. Whether it is direct or covert, the narcissist is a user who only becomes involved with those whom he can use and increase his power and economic reach. Most individuals are stilled fooled by the covert narcissists because of his low key style, well polished pseudo empathy and his quiet charm and loyality to you. Protect yourself. Narcissists are not good people–they are users and abusers who are eclipsing your life.

Take time to understand all of the incarnations of the narcissistic personality disorder You will learn how to identify, detach, assert yourself despite every tactic the covert narcissist uses. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissistic Spouses Deepen Psychological Childhood Wounds

You may be repeating the psychological abuse and deprivation you experienced as a child in your marriage to a narcissistic personality disorder. Living with this person, you are made to feel unimportant, discarded and unworthy. You are not getting the attention and caring that you deserve.
When you live with a narcissist the home environment is chaotic and unpredictable. The narcissist often goes into extreme rages that have a shocking and disrupt effect on the nervous systems of the spouse and children.
The narcissists expects perfection from you. When you perform at a high level you are brutally criticized and demeaned. The narcissist is projecting unconscious feelings of inadequacy and aggression on to you.
There is a complete lack of sensitivity when you are married to a narcissist. Your feelings are never acknowledged appropriately. He/she may react by going out the door, arguing with you or saying: “I am superior to you; there is something very wrong with you. The message to the non-narcissist spouse is: “I will never be good enough; I have no value.”

When you are married to a narcissist there is no room for your individuality, thoughts, feelings, creativity, emotional expression—no freedom or space to be yourself.

When you live with a narcissist your opportunities for healing psychological wounds of childhood can be disrupted by the narcissist’s selfish, cold, cruel way of treating you and the constant bombardments of his/her mood swings.

The first step is to study about the true nature of the narcissistic personality disorder, recognizing that this individual is not going to change and that he is often accusing and criticizing you unjustly. Detach yourself from this severe psychopathology. Take very good care of yourself. Visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: [email protected]

Surviving A Narcissistic Family

There are some extraordinary human beings who survive growing up in a narcissistic family—-mother, father, siblings. I have heard from some of these individuals and their stories of multiple cruelties, emotional deprivation, scapegoating are the themes of fiction–but this is the truth. These are painful childhoods that have been endured each moment. In some cases there is a grandparent who takes on the early child care and becomes the real parent. This grandparent makes the difference in the child’s life between sanity and insanity, some joy versus chronic misery, feelings of emotional security in comparison with constant terror, truth telling versus chronic lies, a strong sense of self compared with feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy. In some families a nanny or babysitter can tip the scales for a child who is surrounded by narcissistic family members.

Even with some protection the road toward adulthood is rough and tenuous. Often the vulnerable child is bullied by one of the narcissistic parents who in turn conspires to have the other siblings turn against the appointed victim. Some children learn how to defend themselves psychologically by creating inner worlds through their imaginations by means of writing, painting, mathematics, the sciences, or music. Regardless of how well the adult who has endured and prevailed in the lion’s den of the narcissistic family, he carries the psychological scars of an embattled life. Individuals who come to terms with who they are and can fully appreciate their survival despite all of the odds against them, live in freedom, use their creative gifts and finally experience the inner peace they have been waiting for all of their lives. I hold a special place of honor and respect for these miraculous survivors. They have faced down a mortal enemy inside their family and have won and prevailed. They live now in emotional freedom, using their creative gifts and are living symbols of what the individual human being can overcome and then rise to high levels of consciousness. These special people are an inspiration to all of us. Visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Surviving the Narcissistic Family II

There are some extraordinary human beings who survive growing up in a narcissistic family—mother, father, siblings–I have heard from some of these individuals and their stories of multiple cruelties, emotional deprivation, scapegoating one would think could be the themes of fiction—but this is the truth.

Regardless of how well the adult who has endured and prevailed in the lion’s den of the narcissistic family, he carries the psychological scares of an embattled life. Individuals who come to terms with with who they are and can fully appreciate their survivial despite all of the odds against them are truly remarkable.

I hold a special place of honor and respect for these miraculous survivors. They live now in emotional freedom, using their creative gifts and are living symbols of what the individual human being can overcome and then rise to high levels of consciousness. These special people are an inspiration to all of us. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com