Are You Married to a Narcissistic Golden Boy—Protect Yourself

“In many ways, the birth of the future narcissist is a second coming, the fulfillment of all the hopes and dreams of the parents. Because they feel empty and inadequate and are often narcissistic themselves, the child is the chosen one, the answer to all of their prayers…A common message communicated by the parents is: ‘Everything we do is for you—you are the center of our world.’ ” (From: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life)

Golden boy narcissists are standouts almost from the beginning. Handsome, highly confident, athletic, bright—they magnify us with their presence. They have a dynamic that tells us they can handle and master whatever comes along in their lives. If they are attracted to you, it won’t be long before you find them irresistible. When we feel the sexual attraction and emotional pull it is very difficult to listen to any mental doubts we might have. The golden boy is a master of the chase. If he wants a particular woman by his side, he is gifted at reeling her in. Narcissists can gauge how attracted you are to them. They know just which buttons to push, how to create an aura of excitement and unlimited possibilities and put it at your feet. Their promises and the pictures they paint of a life with them are highly believable.

Within a short time you are psychologically fused with them and romantically thrilled by being the chosen woman with whom this special person will share his life. For a short time after the marriage, everything appears to be going as promised. Then, a shift takes place. You catch you spouse in lies. He denies them and is furious with you for false accusation. You question yourself, believing that you could be wrong. The idealization of the golden boy narcissist by the non-narcissistic spouse is the painful, predictable mistake that is made. Their acts are so convincing that some golden boy narcissists belong on the Broadway stage.

As time moves forward, the red flags are more frequent. Every time something goes wrong, you are blamed.Quite often it is the narcissist who is out of line. That doesn’t matter. Narcissists don’t make mistakes. You take the blame even though it hurts. You have invested too much of yourself to do otherwise. Then there is the narcissist’s role as master controller. He dictates every phase of your life, even to the smallest detail. Narcissists monitor your thoughts and tell you that your thinking is amiss. “What’s the matter with you? You’re so confused. Why are you constantly over-reacting?” If you want to go through the family finances with the narcissistic, he becomes very defensive and then angry and ugly. He accuses you of not trusting him. As the marriage goes along in years, the golden boy narcissist becomes an attack dog,showing his fangs whenever you speak with independent thinking and an assertive voice. You are castigated, humiliated and verbally threatened. “You do it my way or else.” That’s what this so called golden boy is saying. Finally you recognize that this “relationship” isn’t working. There’s no warmth, no respect,no empathy–just constant stress and being on an emotional edge that is intolerable.

Learn to protect yourself from these GB narcissists. Don’t buy into their lies and prevarications. They are not going to change. The narcissistic personality is a fixed. The narcissists adores himself and controls everyone else. Why should he change–he’s perfect.

Often it is best to cut your loses and look to your future without the narcissistic golden boy. Listen to your intuition, the wise one inside of us. Call on friends whom you trust to be supportive and respectful of your decisions and are available when you need them. Take time to study the narcissistic personality in-depth. Don’t blame yourself for what the narcissist has put you through. Look forward to a life that you deserve that is filled with creativity, affection, spontaneity and a deep peace that is waiting for you. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website:

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
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