Linda Martinez-Lewi PhD - The Narcissist In Your Life

Narcissistic Makovers-Do Not Be Fooled

I have heard many stories about the fabled professional deaths and resurrections of narcissists. After they have burned all of your bridges, stolen hours of your life, created maximum stress that leaves you in a chronic fight or flight mode, you hear that the narcissist who completely disrupted your life and almost stole your soul is now flourishing once more—another resurrection. He or she has changed the image once more. Now the narcissist is more low key, looking better physically, more disciplined. He/she appears to be more considerate and oriented toward the needs of others. This is pure act–another ruse, a phony reincarnation that is designed to wipe out his misdeeds, betrayals and destruction to others in the past. Freshly born, the narcissist is ready for another opening night. Many of his past associates who have laid on their swords and been burned are ready to go back into the trenches with him. Such is the force of the narcissistic personality and the proof of his cunning. With their complete lack of introspection and no clues about their inner selves, the narcissist knows exactly how to produce the right bait for those whom he plans to reel in. He is creating another empire–the greatest of all and everyone wants to be on board for the next unveiling. This is narcissistic delusion. This bodes ill for those who throw their destinies in with him once more. He/she will snatch what he wants and must have, even if he has to steal it and impoverish the lives of others. When the curtain falls and everyone thinks he is toast, the narcissist rises from the ashes-a malicious phoenix. To learn to protect yourself from the ruses, exploitations and malevolent behaviors of narcissists, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: [email protected]

Narcissistic Vengeance Has No Boundaries

Narcissists are very different from those who do not suffer from this personality disorder. On the surface, in social and business settings they appear to be competent, sociable, even brilliant and innovative. Most people are fooled by narcissists. There is a dark side of the narcissist that is concealed from his public image and act.
This appears most often in private with his spouse, children and other family members. His fangs also come out with business associates who have gained on him. He/she will do anything to maintain and enhance his his power and financial moves up to the headiest levels, This can mean that he will purposely defame, create whole cloth lies about an associate’s private life that smear his personal reputation and cast doubt on his mental and psychological adequacy. If the narcissist has access to the prospective victim’s superiors and is convincing in his lies to those at the top, there is a good chance that he will threaten the associate’s current professional position and jeopardize his opportunities in the future.

Narcissists often seek revenge, especially in marital situations that have gone sour. They will insist on having full custody of children they don’t love and never wanted in the first place because they are furious with the other spouse. They want revenge and find the cruelest ways to perpetrate these psychological crimes. A narcissist will use their court fights for custody of their children to emotionally harm their spouses.The narcissist is merciless in his willingness to instigate lies, destroy reputations, taint your personal life so that he can get back of you. He wants to continue to use his children to demonstrate that he is a perfect, responsible father who is the better parent. Mediators, attorneys, judges and therapists in some instances are duped into believing the narcissist’s lies and accusations. Find the best attorney you can. So often women are sabotaged by choosing a lawyer who is not up to this level of battle and the toxic quality of the deceit that the narcissist is willing to use against his now enemy.

Prepare for these circumstances by understanding every facet of the narcissistic personality. Know that they are unlimited in the tricks and deceptions that they will pull. Be ready for them with your knowledge. Practice centering yourself through yoga, meditation and having a special support group. Interview as many attorneys as you need to so that you will choose someone who is up to this battle. This professional must be masterful at family law but also have a deep understanding of how narcissists operate and know that there isn’t anything they will not pull. The attorney must be contained, composed, highly professional with excellent people skills as well as keen intuition. He or she must be fair to you in charging what is fair. That tells you about the quality of his/her character.

Strengthen yourself on every level with cardiovascular exercise, walking, gentle yoga, meditation practice, other forms of healing modalities. Be positive and ask for internal guidance, especially the power of your intuition. Remain steady. Be kind to yourself. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon and amazon kindle edition
Email: [email protected]

Narcissists Use Shock to Control You

Narcissists are predictably unpredictable. Even clinicians who have researched and studied the narcissistic personality disorder for years, at times find their outrageous tactics to be shocking. There are no limits to the emotional, financial and psychological chaos that they purposely cause. Just when you think you have a handle on a particular narcissist, he/she will give you the shock treatment. You think a divorce is final after fifteen yours. The papers are signed, the judge has gone home, the witnesses have retired, you are exhausted —guess what? They’re back! With another demand, accusation, recrimination, filthy bag of lies. The more you learn in depth about the narcissistic personality disorder the less you will be dismayed, disappointed and hurt by the narcissist’s disgusting trickery.

One of your best offenses is to develop a strong sense of yourself as separate from this individual and psychological boundaries that must be respected at all times. Learning to quiet the mind through walking or sitting meditation is an excellent way to gain a sense of detachment from the constant dramas that these individuals initiate. You are in charge of your life. You are no longer dancing to their tune. You don’t jump when they speak nor are you afraid of the narcissist anymore. Become accustomed and appreciate the real you that has always been there. Give yourself credit for this transformation. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Don’t Let Narcissists Exploit You—Take Charge of Yourself and Your Life

It is easy, almost automatic to be impressed with individuals who have the full package–confidence, affability, smooth social graces, a convincing act that they are genuinely interested in you. I am speaking about narcissistic personality disorders who are on the fast track to power and success. They are so clever at attracting the exact people they need to make them successful and powerful. Many of them begin by marrying a person who has all of the right qualities and connections that will lead them to their highly ambitious goals.

Many individuals are ensnared in the narcissist’s net. They are enchanted by this unique human being who has no sense of limits, who conjures up large concepts, who is fearless and supremely confident. Many remain under the spell of the narcissist despite the control he/she places on their lives. Narcissists create a magic around them that fools most of those close to them. They are famous for making big promises that often don’t come to fruition. If you live with a narcissist you are being exploited. Your time is not your own. The narcissist is making continuing impossible demands on you that create overwhelming stress. Your life is being used by the narcissist to exploit every aspect of your person. These individuals attempt to take over your life and in many cases they succeed. Some spouses falter physically and psychologically under the constant demands, manipulations, outrageous intimidations that are laid at your feet by the narcissist. The narcissist is basically communicating to his partner—-either you do it my way or you’re out of the picture. I can easily find someone else. Some of those who communicate with me feel as if the narcissist is trying to steal their soul or what they call the most sacred part of themselves.

Remember you have alternatives. Regardless of the number of years you have been captive to the narcissist, you have the option to sever this pathological relationship and take charge of your own life. You are entitled to lead a life that is full of hope, serenity, use of your creative gifts, spontaneous self expression, laughter and joy. I have heard some heartening stories from those who have taken these steps. They are grateful that they took back their lives as individuals. They are unencumbered and free. They feel greater emotional security, hopefulness about the present and future and deep inner peace. Visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissistic Rage Harms Spouses and Children

“The force of narcissistic rage is cataclysmic, designed to leave no survivors. The timing of its eruptions is unpredictable. There is no chance to escape and run for cover. The victim feels invaded even assaulted. The aftermath causes emotional pain and devastation.” (From Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life by Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.)

Narcissistic Men-Fulfilling Every Sexual Desire

Narcissists are always hungry for narcissistic supplies. One great focus for them is finding new and exciting sexual partners, despite the fact that they are married. That doesn’t enter their minds. They will get what they want, no matter what. They give into their impulses—They are entitled to fulfill every wish and desire. Often, they might seek out the likes of Melbourne Escorts to satisfy their carnal urges. A narcissist may look like a family man, presenting the perfect picture of the great husband and father. But this is part of the elaborate image that he projected on to the world and most others to protect his perfect persona. Narcissist don’t have a conscience. They are restless people who are always on the hunt for excitement and thrills. Many of them are great risk takers in the sexual department, some even looking to take medication like to help–it’s all very thrilling for them. In their minds if they feel like having an affair, a brief fling, or a mistress and one night stands on the side, that’s their business even if they are the father of minor children. After all they show up for some of their children’s school and social activities. And their attitude toward their wives is: this woman is lucky to have me. I make her life so much better. I provide her with the best lifestyle–a great home, trips, fantastic social events. What else could she want. She has her career and I have mine. The narcissist man compartmentalizes his life especially if he is an addictive womanizer. Without a conscience and no basic respect for or concern that he will psychologically damage his wife and children, the narcissist feels free to act on his sexual impulses and satisfy his appetites. He is so arrogant he knows he will never get caught. He’s too smart for that. Besides, life is very boring, sharing it with one woman. The male narcissist knows he is entitled to having as many women as he chooses. He is strongly attracted to each woman for different reasons. When a particular girlfriend no longer appeals to him, he discards her like an inanimate object. She is removed from his life to make room for the next wave of women who will satisfy his sexual and psychological needs.

Narcissists are infantile. They are psychologically regressed and will not change. Current society is fascinated by these philanderers and if they are famous, some in their audience are envious of their sexual exploits. Narcissistic men don’t think about the dreadful emotional consequences to their children of this kind of promiscuous behavior can cause.Narcissists are too preoccupied with themselves to think about these matters.Narcissists are selfish children who life in the physical form of adults. When they are caught, the narcissist may say that he is sorry if he has caused emotional pain to his family but this is not true. He is simply mouthing what he has to say to protect his image. Narcissists are loyal to no one—only themselves. They cannot be trusted on any level. They will not change. These personality disorders are highly fixed and intractable. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissist-Ultimate Controller

Narcissist King is in his castle; Narcissist Queen is in her castle. Some narcissists build monuments to themselves that represent their power and perfection. In business they succeed by surrounding themselves with compliant individuals who are answerable only to him or her. They have no mind of their own.

At home the narcissist is Chief Intimidator. he barks out the orders. The non-narcissistic spouse has no say. If she speaks up, watch out for the eruption of volcanic rage. A child with a stronger personality is these families is going to be psychologically abused and discarded. The narcissistic father uses this child as an example of what can happen to the others if they don’t obey without question.

If you grew up with a narcissistic mother/father tyrant you have suffered psychological wounds that require healing. Know what you deserve—to be treated as a unique individual who is respected and valued. Don’t repeat this dysfunctional pattern. Many of these children marry narcissists! Find healing practices that work you, including gentle yoga, meditation, quality psychotherapy. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Scapegoated Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers and Narcissistic Daughters

We would expect that a child would feel safe in her home. This is not the case with a child who has been put in the victim role by her narcissistic mother. Narcissistic mothers are completely absorbed with themselves. Many of them have children to enhance their image of having a perfect family. The work of raising, nurturing and protecting one’s child is expected and essential. The narcissistic mother often turns her daughter(s) over to babysitters or nannies when the child is very young, even an infant. She makes sure that friends and acquaintances believe that she is a devoted mother. She talks about her daughter, pretending that she is emotionally invested in her child. This is not the case. If one of her daughters has been chosen by mother as the special one, her treatment of this child is completely different. This daughter is privileged from infancy.Mother is fixated on this child who holds the promise of being a perfect replica of herself. Narcissistic mothers choose this special little girl for various reasons; physical beauty, mental brilliance, charm and magnetism that win people over.

Narcissistic mothers often rule the family. Father is present in name only. He is a fixture in his own house. Some of these fathers are workaholics and prefer to be away from home than to deal with the cold harsh temperament of this woman.

The narcissistic mother deals with her unconscious fury by projecting it on to a daughter whom she has picked as a scapegoat. It is not unusual for the victim to be a highly sensitive little girl. She has no defense against the ridicule, demeaning verbal assaults of these highly disturbed mothers. This situation can become more traumatic if the narcissistic mother and her narcissistic daughter join forces in the taunting and humiliation of this child. I have heard from adult daughters scapegoated in this manner. Their stories are heartrending. Many of them survive by entering the world of books, art, uses of the imagination. Some are fortunate to have a special friend whom they can visit often enough to take the psychological pressure off of them for short times.

Adult daughters who survive the narcissistic mother wars are incredible psychological warriors. Many of them experience symptoms of post traumatic stress syndrome and spend years in the aftermath of these traumas and their efforts to heal. Individuals who have been through such a prolonged ordeal need our understanding and compassion. Many of them find their way to healing through support groups, participate in psychotherapy, work with healing modalities–gentle yoga, walking and sitting meditation, The deeper our understanding of the true nature of narcissistic mothers the better we are prepared to help ourselves in the process of healing from these highly pathological family constellations. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

First Born Narcissistic Daughter’s Reign of Terror

In some dysfunctional families, mother and father are not narcissists. They want the best for their children but one or both of them make the mistake of allowing their first born daughter to control them from early on through her temper tantrums, battles of will, her sneering disregard and demeaning of her young siblings. In many instances the father has capitulated his power to the mother. Some of these mothers are psychologically weak, feel inadequate, tend to give in to stronger personalities. I know of several family constellations where the oldest narcissistic daughter is ruling the household by the age of four. Mother is so intimidated by her that there are no limits placed on her behavior. This budding narcissist is very willful and overwhelms her mother.

The first born narcissistic daughter is frequently cruel and brutal with her young siblings. She makes fun of them, telling them they are stupid. Mother does not correct her out of control child. She, the adult, is afraid to say anything because she fears a full screaming fit by her older daughter. I have seen younger siblings suffer horribly under the reign of terror of these narcissistic Queen Bees. These wars continue through adulthood with the parents bending to the will of their narcissistic, unempathic cruel, controlling daughter.

If you were in this stressful, demeaning role as the sibling of a narcissistic older sister, it is time to recognize that you deserve to be respected as an individual even if your parents are too psychologically weak to speak the truth—that their oldest daughter is a cruel narcissist. You may have to sever your relationship from your older sister. She is simply impossible and very toxic to you. The singular goal is to end this hurtful relationship to lead your own life. Free yourself to use all of your creative gifts, set your spontaneity loose, develop intimate emotional relationships,work toward achieving pychological wholeness and deep inner peace. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Ultimate Narcissistic Delusion—Believing They are Good People

“Although he may be a malevolent human being, the narcissist believes that he is a “good person.” (From:Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life) Au contraire! Those who have been married to narcissists or had a narcissistic parent tell a very different story. They have spent much of their lives at the mercy of the narcissist’s deceptions, intimidations, exploitations and complete lack of empathy. Within the inner walls of the family the ugly truth is laid bare. Narcissists put members of their family at their mercy. They terrify their children with threats, horrific rages and innumerable broken promises. Children of narcissists are used as props for photo opportunities and public display at social and business events. Their role is to be decorative and to increase the narcissist’s opportunities to boost his ego. Narcissists luxuriate in their bragging rights about their golden children. It isn’t enough for them to be talking about how wonderful they are every moment. They extend this activity to the child/children they have chosen to make them look even more superior.

Despite all of their transgressions as human beings—a complete lack of loyalty to spouses, the perpetual personal betrayals, the lives they have destroyed with their lies, the people they have psychologically maimed and stepped on to get to the top, they believe and convince many others that they are Good Human Beings.
They play this part so expertly that many in their personal and professional circles believe them. And to make it even worse, they blame those who have been victimized by the narcissists, including his own children. Current and ex-wives who are maligned by the narcissist are put on the “she’s a nutcase list”. If children don’t tow the line they become personas non grata and are ejected from the family tableau.

To protect yourself from narcissists and take the upper hand with them, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com