Narcissist’s Money Lust

We all have some lust in our hearts–for gorgeous clothes, sex, delicious food, exquisite jewelry. Many narcissists are obsessed with money lust. They are thinking about how much money they have, how to get more of it, how to keep it away from others, whom to manipulate to get more, including family members to take theirs. Money is their substitution for love, warmth, affection—for being authentic and human. Having as much money as possible, even stealing it away from family members, is the narcissist’s constant goal. Thoughts about obtain more money never leave this person’s mind. Having lots of money makes them feel more entitled, superior to others, like a winner. Moneyed narcissists are always looking down on others who have not “made it.” It isn’t knowledge, wisdom, inner peace or insight they are seeking. It is knowing that they have achieved their greatest goal—being able to have whatever they desire and to attract other people whom they can easily exploit to satisfy their money lust. One of the common scenarios is for one of the siblings, male or female, to ingratiate the mother or father who is holding the wealth, to become the confidante, the favored trusted one. This is done over many years and is well plotted. Slowly and surely this sibling becomes the executor of the parent’s will, convinces the mother or father to bestow upon him/her the largest amount of the inheritance (leaving the other siblings with a minuscule portion of the total). The narcissistic money luster puts tremendous pressure on his parent if that is necessary to seal the deal for himself. He has no conscience and is just waiting for the parent to die (the sooner the better) so that he can carry away the entire estate and leave the scene to lead a life of pleasure and comfort. These greedy narcissistic siblings often abandon their own children and of course their spouses to move on to a life of elite uxury. They never look back and view the psychological and monetary destruction they have left behind. . They have gotten what they have wanted all of their lives. Despite this great victory the narcissist continues to experience the money lust deep inside his bones and is ready to pursue other unethical and often illegal financial misadventures. One of them is marrying a wealthy partner, causing them horrible stress and making this person to become psychologically dependent on them and at their mercy. The obsession to seek, obtain and control the fortunes of others never abates. It would be like trying to change the rhythm of the tides or the curvature of the earth. The narcissist never stops victimizing others, disrupting their lives, leaving them without monetary means, causing them unbearable distress and worry. Learning about the narcissistic personality provides you with the insight to recognize these money vultures quickly. You will sense their vileness, like a noxious odor in the air. You will know what they are after—your financial resources, your social connections to people of means. Study narcissistic money vultures in-depth. Identify them quickly. Show them the door immediately. If you are involved with one of them, learn to dis-entangle yourself. Pursue your creative gifts, learn to develop inner peace through calming the body and mind. Sharpen your insight and pay close attention to your intuitions. They are coming through all of the time. We need to practice receptivity to these invaluable messengers of the truth. Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D. Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

18 thoughts on “Narcissist’s Money Lust”

  1. I was friends with a guy who was officially diagnosed as narcissistic by a psychiatrist. His wife’s father (his father-in-law) had left his daughter (the narcissists wife) a small fortune but wisely in a trust which would only pay enough a month to live well on. The narcissist tried for years to pry the money out of the trust so he could spend it. The father-in-law’s name was Leroy. Finally the narcissists wife left him. When the narcissist told me his wife had left, he said, “I guess you realize this means I’ll never get my hands on Leroy’s money.” word-for-word, that’s what he said. I thought, “For God’s sake, that was Leroy’s money he left to his beloved daughter, not yours.” I didn’t say that but I thought it. I didn’t understand how entitled they feel.

    1. That is so sad to know his true motive. He didn’t love his wife, only her financial position. I relate to this story as I am a daughter and married to a N who wants to get his hands on “Trust” money. His name is not on the Trust and it makes him mad. He has been dishonest, secretive, and untrustworthy when it comes to finances. His dealings and attitude are affecting the entire family. I continue to read about Narcissism and try to understand their motives and thinking. It can drive you crazy. Thank you for this post.

  2. Thank you for this post!

    Yes my mom stole money from me, all my siblings, all her men, sisters, friends, some of her work places and more. It wasn’t a lot of money but together through out the years it’s a lot and it has hurt so many people.

    Mom also gave me and my sister debts that we became aware of when we became adults. She had bought things in our name and 12 years later we found out about it and had to pay it off ourselves. Mom has bought stuff in our names several times after that and stole money from my account (they didn’t check her id) which the bank in my city showed me. She wrote my name in her handwriting. When I questioned her the first time about the debts she broke contact with me.

    The last time my mom stole money from me was about 6, 7 years ago. She made a plan how to trick me but I knew she was lying. The problem was I was afraid to tell her this. So I “let her” fool me and waited to see what she was going to do. Money started disappearing from my account and I called the bank. I told them it’s my mom and they believed me. I changed my card and since then we haven’t had contact.

    It’s so so hard to really understand that your mom can do this to you. You can’t understand it. But when you realize she’s a narcissist it becomes easier.

    My stepfather (my siblings father) was the most “skimpy about money” person I have ever met so he made us children feel worthless by not wanting to help with money.
    So mom was a thief and my stepfather didn’t want to spend his money on his children. Do I need to say I’m working a lot on letting go of old money beliefs that comes from my parents and not me? And start feeling I’m worthy of having my own money.

  3. My family of origin is textbook severe narcissistically dysfunctional!

    When our narcissistic mother started to show signs of progressive dementia her golden-child swooped in and got herself appointed as executor. I had previously been the assigned executor. The house was sold and the personal contents were disposed of. Nothing was sent to me, not one personal item, no pictures from my childhood, none of the handmade gifts that I made for my mother over my lifetime, no sentimental item of remembrance. Rumor has it that soon after the money from the house sell cleared our mother was institutionalized. She suddenly become too much trouble for the golden-child to handle. All of this was done without one family member (including our daughters) telling us of the events. To this day I am unaware of my mothers whereabouts, for some reason it’s a secret. I am no contact with my family of origin, but any one of them (including our daughters) could have shared the information with my husband and their father.

  4. My NM had a stroke and golden child began going through finances before she came home from hospital…convinced she was circling the drain.
    That was 2 yrs ago.

    It never ends.

  5. It’s funny you’d say that. My brother was the golden child and a lawyer and he looted one of two family trusts so he could afford his new, much younger trophy wife. I begged our mother to take the second trust out of his care but noooo. She yelled at me saying, “He wouldn’t do that!” Then he looted the second one and she said, “I didn’t think he’d do it AGAIN–” Let me make it clear I BEGGED her to not keep trusting him.
    But let me tell you about his divorce. He’s a lawyer who was at least fifty and he got sexually involved with his secretary who was about twenty-two so he left his wife for her. They lived together for two years (I knew none of this at the time) and then, naturally, she got rid of him cause he was too old for her (duh). So he went and found another girl who was probably in her mid-thirties whom he barely knew because he said he’d discovered he couldn’t stand to be alone. He married her and told me only later did he figure out she was somewhat dim-witted, couldn’t understand any joke, etc. And (surprise) didn’t want to have sex with him.
    He looted the family trust to finance all this. But the funny part (and I mean this) is to listen to him berate bill Clinton for being sexually involved with one of the secretaries! This is how self-aware he is, he did exactly the same thing but much, much worse. That’s lost on him. He’s a sanctimonious republican.
    Anyway, our parents did everything for him, he was the chosen one. Their reward was he looked down on them and ridiculed them behind their backs for their lack of taste and not living up to his high standards.
    Narcissists and the entitled are some of the most unbelievably hypocritical people in the world.
    Actually, I could somewhat understand his aversion to our parents–our father was so overbearing even being the one he focused on wasn’t easy or fun, just stressful.
    I’ll shut up now, thanks for reading this.

  6. This was my older brother; obsessed with money always. I thought he was a compulsive gambler, but I don’t know… He was always manipulating my mom, his friends, the family, everyone into giving him money, he was very good at it. He was also phisically abusive to me and emotionally abusive to me all my life. Then I also have a narcisistic older sister. I am the youngest of the three. I am 56 yrs old and I have been in therapy for at least 22 years. What would make my sister and brother both such cruel narcisistic people? It took so long for me to finally say enough is enough. They were great manipulators. But Cruel, very cruel….

  7. Just remember they’re not like us and they never will be. They can’t change. I read a book a few years back when I first started trying to understand these people. It was written by a psychiatrist and he said if at all possible when you identify one of these people, get them out of your life. He said, “You can’t be generous and get them to be generous, you can’t be caring and get them to care, they will never change. Get them out of your life.” Of course, a lot of the people writing on this site are related to these people and we can’t just move on. Just don’t be naïve and trusting to one of them is my advice.

  8. I have been doing a lot of research about it and have come to the same conclusion, it is a sad situation for me. Because they are my family, but I am in a lot of pain, but must let them go at least for now, probably for a long long time. They will drive me crazy if I don’t. I have been very affected. I feel both my sister and brother are both and now her kids are being affected. They are in their late 20’s now, (niece and nephew) they are getting set in that personality type…. It is rude awakening for me.

  9. It is sick how my mother is with money! sick!
    She made it entirely up that I wanted my fathers inheritance (yeah right after 10 years, and Ive never asked her for a cent) and she is just goin mental terrorizing my fiancee when he is at work and oh so playing the victim role. I don’t even know where she gets these mad thoughts they are simply mad, told my best friend today and she was utterly shocked. I mean normal people just don’t behave this way. everything is about money for her and it makes me sick, I told her I don’t even want to inherit from you if you die before me, but its sick! SICK!! Ive always been on her side always supported her and she knows ill give her money when i start working after college but now i really don’t feel like doing that i just had ENOUGH ENOUGH ENOUGH of all the lies the bullshit. I really feel ready to go NC for life! Life is to short guys! Be happy ditch the person draggin you down!

  10. My father passed away a couple of months ago. He named me as executor and trustee of his will and trust. My younger brother (49 years old) lives in my father’s house. He is holding the house ransom. He has been selling my father’s personal items for the last 6 months. He will not even let me in the house to take inventory of the tangibles until I give him $50,000.00!!! My father had cancer and got really ill in December 2014. I brought him to my house and took care of him until he had a stroke in Late January. He had to go into a home. My brother never even visited my father and changed the locks on the house so that I couldn’t get in. He has threatened, call me every name in the book because I am honestly trying to do what my father trusted me to do. I have a lawyer, but he has not been much help. The longer my brother is in my father’s house, the more items he will sell. What can I do?????

  11. It never ever ends. I am 63 and my narcissist mother is 87, yet the game playing by her goes on and on. Any attempt to keep her from looting the family’s funds is met by hysterical tears and pretense and game playing. She has turned all 3 of her sons into hating each other, same as she hates us, and we all hate her. Money is the stick she uses to manipulate people to do her will. Since she is an alcoholic, her drinking buddies (enablers) are more important than her own family is.

    This is a no win situation and the best that I feel that can be done is simply not ever to have anything else to do with her, nor with the 2 brothers that she has turned us all against each other. It is sad to hate your own mother, but I really do hate mine. She is the most evil selfish person I have known in my lifetime. That’s the sad truth as I see it now.

  12. Hello. I’m in the middle of all of this right now. I’m having to fight to get my money back from the man I trusted with my life. After I was hit by a car and developed CRPS he became bored with me. I spent 4 months in a clinic for reeducation and physio treatments. I was in great pain and needed help dressing and showering. He hated looking after me. He began an affair. In February this year, just as I was feeling much better and able to do things around the house, the truth came out. He wanted me out of his life and he wanted it NOW. I needed time to sort out my insurance accident claim but he abandoned me in the house alone, knowing I couldn’t meet all the bills by myself. He emptied the joint account and took away the satellite box. He left me with no transport, no money, no telephone and no internet access. He harassed me every day, bullying and threatening. In the end, he made me a financial offer which I accepted. I thought it would at least allow me to find a little place of my own. With financial help from my son I took some of my furniture and moved back to England from Europe where we had bought our dream home in the sun 9 years before. As soon as I’d gone he moved back in, brought in the other woman and there they now live in the house where I still own half and he has reneged on the financial offer he made me. He is forcing me to take him to court to get my money which is going to take at least another two years. On top of that he stole the interim payments from the insurance company – money that was supposed to make life a little better for me with my CRPS. I’d hoped to get a small automatic car as driving gear shift has become a problem with my painful arm.
    I’ve learned that he is telling people who were mutual friends abroad that he has already paid what he owed me and that everything is settled. They think he’s such a nice guy. What a liar he is. I was keeping quiet about it all so as not to look like the jealous, vindictive ex partner, but when I was told this enormous lie I put our friends straight about the truth.
    I’m in financial straits. I’m having to stay with friends and family, here and there, until I get my money. I’m not a young woman. Sometimes I’m not well. I can’t claim social benefits for housing because my name is on property deeds abroad.
    If there was a way to get him to think it was his idea to pay up now I’d jump at the chance. I know his public face is important to him. Wouldn’t it be much better for his image to have people know he’d done the ‘right’ thing?
    Any suggestions?

  13. My sister has been embezzling money from her ex-military colonel then divorced him, due to cruelty and abuse but mostly they were alcoholics and had a son with FASD. She moved in with my mother (granted I just helped her get over 500,000 settlement, as she has not skills to speak to attorneys.. ) over 5 years, she has not paid ONE BILL, contributed to moms home bills and destroyed the home using mom checkbooks and credit cards to pay everything; she close to broke. I intervened and not she continues to manipulate us because we are not giving her narcissitic supply. She wrecked mom’s car twice in 2 months, claiming hit and run and conveniently charged repairs to mom and filed on moms auto insurace because she has so many DUI’s and no license. That was the last straw. I’ve been torn up growing up with her as my older sister. Not once has she ever asked me how I was… only burden me with her dumb actions…. Thanks to my friends and lover now that I am excluding her from our lives and going to provide my mother with some laughter and good days from here on out.

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