It is very difficult, painful and complex for children of narcissistic mothers to heal their psychological and emotional wounds. One of the hardest parts of this process is in the recognition that your mother is a narcissistic personality. When we grow up we learn to survive and cope with the circumstances and roles that we are given. Small children cannot know that their mother, the person whom they are entitled to trust the most, is incapable of this sacred maternal bond. Some small children know early that mother didn’t love or care deeply about them. They could feel it, see it in their mother’s eyes, hear her shrill voice, watch her walk away from them, punish them in frightening, alarming ways for no reason except their very existence.
The time of knowing that your mother is a narcissist will come. It dawns often in the process of healing from this non-parent. Yet each time we are awakened to this truth, there is a tendency for this painful knowledge to fade, for the child to make excuses for the parent or to think he or she is unworthy, defective even bad.
You have been through a series of hells with your narcissistic mother. You have gone back and forth with the No Contact, Minimal Contact modes. Other family members put pressure on you to see your mother. They don’t understand your perspective or life experience with her. This is the case because narcissistic mothers are consummate actors. They fool everyone but you. Even your brothers and sisters think there is something intrinsically the matter with you since “mom” is such a wonderful person. You are often the odd person out–You hold the truth; everyone around you does not.
To heal you cannot wait for your family members and others to come to the realization that your mother is a narcissist who has treated you coldly, cruelly and dismissively.
Give yourself time and space to heal. This is a long complex process worth the passage–the recovery of your true self, the person you were always meant to be.
Begin the practice of putting yourself first. Make sure that you learn to take very good care of your total being: physical, mental, emotional, psychological, spiritual. There are many pathways to healing. They begin with activating the calming part of your nervous system, the parasympathetic, the restorative that brings your inner peace and belongs to you.
Seek relationships that nurture you. Pay attention to getting the sleep that you need and deserve. Exercise your way. Listen to great music, enjoy the beauty of art in every form, merge with Nature, the Great Healer that restores, calms and revives our life force. Develop a practice of quieting the mind in a regular way that works for you. This can be guided meditation, readings that inspire you, yoga poses that open your heart and heal you and finding creative activities that speak to you personally. Make an effort to find other individuals who are warm and compassionate, who understand you, are loyal and whom you can count on and trust. It is surprising when we find these great people. We see it in their eyes and feel their warm, loving hearts.
Be kind and patient with yourself as you move through your sacred healing.