Narcissistic mothers are very prevalent today. Currently, we are surrounded by narcissistic personalities and the society automatically accepts and rewards them. Many are high achievers and socially smooth so that they easily fit into our image obsessed world.
Narcissistic mothers cannot love their children. Did they ask to become narcissists? No. Do they cause psychological harm to their children? Yes. The psychodynamics between the narcissistic mother and her child are very complex but clear. When we have a mother who is emotionally and psychologically unavailable, who blames us for everything we do or don’t do and who is constantly projecting her venom on to us, there is no way to be our real selves. The extreme fear and anxiety and feelings of inadequacy and rootlessness that these mothers cause to their children is monumental. These children never have had a true home where they could find solace, respite, acceptance, affection, freedom and psychological and emotional safety.
Home is a war zone–both hot and cold wars rage behind closed doors. Narcissistic mothers are highly secretive and make sure that in the outer world their beautifully constructed image is perfect. They purposely build relationships with friends and acquaintances and other family members designed to always see them in the best light–as good, kind, considerate individuals. Only a few in a family or social group are not fooled by them. Often these individuals keep quiet and don’t reveal the truth because they are very intimidated by the forcefulness of the narcissistic personality. They decide not to make waves or speak out.
Adult children of narcissistic mothers do survive but they have suffered horribly and in duration. Many find help through psychotherapy, counseling, working with the body/mind connection to learn how to calm the nervous system that has been in a state of fight or flight for most of their lives.
One crucial aspect of healing from the psychological wound of having a narcissistic mother is to finally learn that you must take very good care of yourself. You approach this practice step by step, starting with the basics. First, know that you are entitled to have some real peace in your life, that you deserve to have a few friends whom you trust and can count on.
One of the biggest lessons is learning to stop passing constant judgment on yourself. Turn away from the inner critic that was imposed on you from infancy. Practicing a form of quieting the mind is very helpful in this regard. A practice can take a number of forms: short guided meditations on cd’s or you tube that appeal to you personally can be helpful. The practice of gentle hatha yoga where you breathe through the nose and focus on each pose in the moment is a way of shifting to the parasympathetic, quieting part of the nervous system. Getting the sleep that you need and deserve activates and sustains your recovery program. Nourishing your body with foods that create strength, stamina and keep you system in balance is essential.
Getting your creative juices flowing is one of the best tonics for those who are healing from a narcissistic mother. There are so many ways that you can think of to manifest your creativity. Start to write these down automatically without thinking and you will be surprised at the great ideas that flow from you.
Remember you are entitled to this healing. It is your journey of self discovery and awakening to inner peace and beauty. This process is lifelong and worth each step. Start with this moment and watch the process build. Be proud of the lovely person who you are.