Narcissists disrupt everyone in their lives, especially those whom they should cherish and protect the most, family members. If they are the vaunted golden child, the savior of the family, the other siblings suffer horribly. In some instances, there are several narcissists. I have often seen a pattern in which a golden boy or golden girl is top dog and another narcissistic sibling is psychologically fused with him/her. The parents give the most praise to the “best in show”—-their crowning achievement—the child who is the most handsome, beautiful, intellectually superior, socially skilled and cleverly ruthless. The less empowered narcissist is like an echo of his glorified brother or sister. Early on you observe tremendous cruelty in these narcissistic families. In some cases there have been generations of narcissists that come down through the family tree although we have not found a narcissistic gene. This is all part of the parental conditioning that takes place over time combined with the current acceptance—almost an expectation on the part of today’s society of Success at any price–even if it destroy other human beings. You see this every day in the news. To the most ruthless, secretive, cunning, treacherous, non-conscienced—goes all of the spoils. They get their wrists ritually slapped once in a while but this is meaningless. The chaos and dissembling of lives that they cause continues.
On a smaller but not less significant or devastating scale, you can follow the destruction wreaked by narcissistic siblings from their toddlerhood to their final days. Most of them are never stopped; they never pay for the psychological and financial crimes they have committed. I have communicated with large numbers of those who have suffered for decades at the mercy of their narcissistic brothers and sisters. If the top dog narcissists wield the financial power to continue to hire attorneys to fight you and undermine you with the threat of counter suits, you have little redress in this arena. You can disengage from the sibling’s pathology by severing the relationship. (This is a relationship in name only; narcissists are incapable of empathy, caring, respect, trust—They are inhumane at the core.)
It is tragic that those so close to us in blood could be so reprehensible, even evil. But this is often the truth. Most people cannot deal with the truth these days. They make excuses for those who are destroying others if the person whom they are defending is powerful in the world, has high level connections and the heft of tremendous wealth. You are worth so much more. You didn’t create the narcissistic family into which you were born. You don’t and never did deserve to be treated with such cruelty from the time of your birth to the present. The die was cast when the parents (often narcissists themselves) created their golden narcissist and continued their adulation, praise, no limits, no boundaries, raising of him. They were never there to protect their other children. They even cheered and spurred on the naked cruelties perpetrated on their other children.
No one can possess you , control you or destroy your life. You are here for many purposes: to separate and individuate out of your family of origin, to use your singular creative gifts, to give and receive love, to help others who are suffering, to grow spiritually in the way that you understand this term. I hear many stories of breaking free from narcissistic siblings. These individuals have rediscovered themselves. They now breathe freely in mental spaciousness, creative endeavors that they could never have imagined in the past and are surrounded by others who seek the truth beyond narcissistic delusion. They have come home to themselves.
Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
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