Psychological childhood abuse can set up an environment for marrying a narcissistic spouse. In order to survive the child has to normalize the abuse he/she is experiencing. They crawl into a shell, duck for cover and pray that they will live through another day. Some of these children grow up believing that they are unworthy of love and being treated with understanding and empathy. When an individual with kind of background meets a narcissist, he/she is dazzled, almost hypnotized by this extraordinary person who is so confident, magnetic, brilliant, focusing on you like a laser beam. At this point the narcissist has his eye on you because he has a plan how you will fit into his life. Narcissists make plans; they are constantly plotting on how they will control others.
A common pattern is for adult children who have been psychologically abused who meet and are swept away by the narcissist, become emotionally malleable in their hands like a piece of clay. For many who become their victims, they play the role of the narcissist’s shadow. They mirror the narcissist perfectly, constantly providing praise and adulation to enhance his ego, are willing to do anything the narcissist demands. In exchange many of them are treated to a sterling life style, high level social connections and material largesse. In exchange for their individuality, their solid sense of self, use of their creative gifts, freedom to make their own decisions and to think their own thoughts without disruption, they are now lost in the narcissist’s shadow. Many of these spouses never come into the light or psychologically separate from the narcissist. They are trapped in a state of delusion and emotional fusion with their spouse. They are frozen in time. They have stopped their opportunity to grow, expand and become a separate authentic human being.
If you understand the narcissistic personality in detail and study these individuals with care, you will recognize them early and not become entangled with them. If you have to deal with them, you will remain separate from them psychologically, respecting your own boundaries and treating yourself with entitled respect. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
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