Narcissists are very cunning and “gifted” at spiriting away financial resources both during your marriage to and when divorcing a narcissist. The vicimized spouse is usually out-lawyered. Narcissists hire hard core legal barracudas who are so ruthless it makes your head spin. They are without conscience like their clients.
Narcissists are exceedingly greedy especially during a divorce. After all they want you out of their lives. They have moved on to other more “fulfilling” narcissistic supplies.
Even when you share children together, they are parsimonious, watching every penny that you spend. Contrarily, the narcissist goes on buying sprees, elaborate trips and treks, fancy parties and fetes. (This post refers to male and female narcissists).
It is during the time leading up to the divorce and when the papers are served and afterward, that money and other financial assets mysteriously disappear. Suddenly, the narcissist is using the “P” word–Poor!.
Victims of marriage to narcissists often assume that their former partner will negotiate and mediate fairly. Au contraire—The recipient of the financial largesse belongs to the narcissist from his perspective.
These complex situations are very difficult to manuever. First, make sure that you understand the narcissist and the darkness of his/her personality traits of deception, lack of conscience, lack of empathy, primitive projections, extreme control and manipulation on a deep level.
Prepare yourself for the divorce. Make sure that you interview several attorneys. Take their measure and pay close attention to your intuitive sense about them. This attorney must be your absolute advocate and understand just how manipulative, cruel, harsh, unfeeling and financially greedy this person will be during the divorce, don’t just agree to use the first lawyer you speak to, this is your future that you are trusting them with so you need to be sure the lawyer has your best interests at heart and not their billable hours. The best way to access a list of lawyers in your area is to carry out a search on your computer, if you live in New York search for NY Divorce Lawyers, if you live in Los Angeles then you will want to search for LA Divorce Lawyers, for those who live in Massachusetts search for MA Divorce Lawyers, whevever you live just make sure to include your town, city or even state in your search term and that way you’ll be sure to find lawyers local to you. Next you need to review some of their websites don’t just phone the first one you come across, make a list of the ones that you like the look of and then call them, that way you are giving yourself the best chance to find a Divorce Lawyer that you will be comfortable in working with, one you can trust and one that you believe will have your best interest at heart, don’t let others make your mind up for you, remember it is your decision alone.
There is a time of reckoning when you recognize that you come first. You have spent a large portion of your life carrying the weight of the narcissist’s ego, responding to their outrageous demands, feeling the depths of sadness from their cruel projections and accusations.
This is a new cycle of your life—putting yourself first. Practice a program of caring for yourself. Pay attention to healing on every level–emotionally, psychologically, mentally and spiritually. You can restore your sense of hope and the anticipation of a renewed life. For some, practices of meditation, physical exercise, eating well, getting proper rest and sleep and using your creative gifts are a vital part of your recovery and evolution. You begin to feel self entitled and at ease with your individuality. This is your birthright.