One Narcissist Causes Pain to an Entire Family

If you know the narcissistic personality disorder well, especially if you have divorced one of these individuals or been on the receiving end of a narcissistic parent, you know that this one person can cause extreme stress and psychological pain among the members of an entire family. (This blog refers to male and female narcissists).  Everyone victimized by the narcissist’s destructive traits-chronic lying, deception, betrayal, manipulation, exploitation, emotional sabotage–is

aware of the severe damage that this highly pathological individual can wreak. Narcissists do not care who you are–a stranger, an acquaintance, a close family member, even a child. If you get in their way, they will intimidate, threaten and retaliate if you buck their wills of steel. Some family members make excuses for these horrific people. “Oh that’s just the way he/she  is a perfectionist.” But he is so bright and accomplished–cut him some slack.” I don’t think so when this person is running roughshod over the minds, hearts and psyches of those closest to him. No one person has the right to invade your boundaries, demean you, humiliate you or taunt and terrorize you. I don’t care what this individual has accomplished in the world, how much power he wields, or the size of his material largess.

We are at a time now when narcissists are applauded because they are so driven—yes they move ahead trampling on everyone else. This is despicable behavior that not be tolerated. Those who have suffered under this treacherous treatment write about the terrors and tortures they have endured under the sadism of one narcissist. This happens all of the time but most people remain unaware of the severe psychological and emotional damage this one highly disturbed person has caused.

Research and become fully aware of the true nature of the narcissistic personality psychopathology. If you have a havoc wreaking narcissist in your family, you may have to make a 180 degree turn away and sever the relationship. This can be very  difficult but remember this severe personality disorder does not change.

The quality of your life–psychological, emotional, physical, spiritual–is invaluable. This is where you place your primary attention—on your self care.

Make sure that you get the sleep that you need and deserve. Take up the practice of gentle yoga which puts you in the calming part of the nervous system that brings peace and feelings of well being. Acupuncture also leads to a state of deep quiet. Exercising the way that works for you is strengthening.  Focusing on your unique creativity is an essential part of your healing. You will recover and prevail to lead the life that you deserve.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.




cheap generic sildenafil citrate  

Stop Making Excuses for Narcissistic Spouse’s Abominable Behavior

Many people repeat the traumas and horrors of childhood by marrying individuals who are highly abusive, explosive, cruel, cold, manipulative and duplicitous. Those who survived the wars of abusive childhoods don’t always escape from this gross mistreatment in adulthood. Many start the cycle again by marrying a narcissist. (This post refers to male and female narcissists). Eventually, despite his/her charm, allure, accomplishments and smooth talk, you will be faced with the real nature of the narcissist you have married. He will start critically picking at you for no reason. One moment he is telling you how wonderful you are. The next he is pointing the finger at some small mistake or oversight or better yet, inventing terrible character flaws that you have that exist only in his deluded mind. You are confused; you take the blame. You might even think that you are mentally unbalanced. Narcissists love to tell their spouses that they are not thinking clearly. It is a clever cruel accusation. There is something about being told that we are not in our right minds that strikes a chord that has a mighty charge. Narcissists are incapable in introspection but they know like a great predator just when and where to strike. Narcissists are dirty underhanded players. They constantly lie to their spouses. They convince you they are loyal and they have their eyes all over the place. They tell you they are flat broke and they have bulging hidden bank accounts. They tell you they are spiritual and they spend most of their time, cheating other people. In fact the narcissist can cheat you out of the life you deserve to lead. Don’t let this happen.

If you are a kind person your tendency is to make constant excuses for the narcissist. Many spouses are terrified of being on their own. Others expect the incoming fire of abuse since they have been accustomed to this since childhood–It is all too familiar. When we have been in a constant psychological war of survival since birth, there is a tendency to repeat this pattern in other relationships.

There comes a time for many victims of marital narcissistic abuse, a reckoning, when the spouse can no longer and will not take it any more. It is over. The fork in the road has come. The deep intuition of the victim has been telling the abused spouse over and over again to sever the relationship and finally the message has been heard. Many spouses listen and follow up on this knowledge. It is not easy; it is challenging but they make the break from the narcissistic spouse. This is a great victory, a necessary and positive change in your life that begins anew. I have seen this happen many times. It is different for each individual. The freedom of mind and heart and the creativity that springs forth and the making of new friendships and other real relationships is waiting at the end of this process. Embrace it! You are entitled!

Be Prepared Divorcing Narcissistic Spouse

Many spouses wait years , even decades on a wild, treacherous ride
with their narcissistic partner. As time passes they become more
miserable, weary and wary about their marital partner. There are many
rounds of couples therapy which do no good. In some cases the therapist
sides with the narcissistic spouse and convinces you that you have the
serious psychological problems that are causing problems with the
marriage. Narcissists are so clever and such fine actors that they fool
therapists with their charm and magnetism. After you have tried
everything possible and are at a turning point, you make the decision to
divorce your spouse.

I suggest you don’t announce your decision until you are fully prepared for every aspect of this event.
In some cases that are particularly acrimonious the spouse has her/his
attorney get in touch with the other side. Choosing the right attorney
is of utmost importance. It is wise to interview several lawyers who
specialize in divorce and family law. Get good referrals from your close
friends but remember that everyone is an individual. Don’t just agree to use the first lawyer you speak to, this is your future that you are trusting them with so you need to be sure the lawyer has your best interests at hear and not their billable hours. The best way to access a list of lawyers in your area is to carry out a search on your computer, of you live in New York search for NY Divorce Lawyers, if you live in Los Angeles then you will want to search for LA Divorce Lawyers, for those who live in Massachusetts search for MA Divorce Lawyers, whevever you live just make sure to include your town, city or even state in your search term and that way you’ll be sure to find lawyers local to you, next you need to review some of their websites don’t just phone the first one you come across, make a list of the ones that you like the sound of and then call them, that way you are giving yourself the best chance to find a Divorce Lawyer that you will be comfortable in working with, one you can trust and one that you believe will have your best interest at heart, don’t let others make your mind up for you, remember it is your
decision alone. In addition to the professional skills, knowledge and
expertise of the lawyer, consider his or her personality. This
individual must have a keen sense of the nature of the narcissistic
personality. You want a lawyer who is calm, competent and your loyal
advocate at all times. The attorney needs to be quick at perceiving some
new ruse the narcissist and his attorney have hatched to sabotage you.
One plan is to wear you down so far emotionally and physically that you
are not up for the challenge. Make sure you take very good care of
yourself especially during this time. Get your sleep, take time to be
quiet and calm each day through meditation, gentle yoga, exercise,
journaling—what works best for you. This is your time. Take full
advantage of it. Keep focused on your personal, creative and
professional strengths. Know that you will prevail.Turn to a few friends
whom you trust completely and allow yourself to be nurtured by them.
Some spouses that brief psychotherapy during this time is highly
supportive and informative. When you form a strong therapeutic alliance
with an excellent therapist it can make a great difference in moving
through this process. Interview several therapists if that is necessary.

Take the upper road but be keenly aware that the narcissist is a street
fighter who hits below the belt and can get down and dirty. You already
know this from being married to him/her. Don’t be surprised at the
outrageous lengths he will go to intimidate you or trap you or use a
well hatched trick to take the financial assets that are lawfully yours.
Protect your children by being tough and don’t lose your cool. The
narcissist want you off balance and out of control so he can show how
disturbed you are. He/she will lie about you. Know that the people who
are truly your friends know exactly who you are and the others who
believe him must be dismissed.

Give yourself credit.
You are about to become free after years of psychological imprisonment.
Call upon the warrior inside of you, the one who knows exactly who this
person is and also knows that you will prevail.

To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website: buy viagra without prescription Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life

Narcissistic Ex-Spouses Psychologically Poison Their Children

Remember that narcissists are without conscience or shame. They will
never apologize for some horrible trauma they have caused you or your
children. In fact, they blame every calamity on you. They twist the
truth like a warm pretzel. Some spouses believe their lives are great because they
have been brainwashed over the years. Others are
immersed in the lifestyle that he/she  provides for them. There are too
many trips, parties, lovely possessions, gifts and all the other
distractions that keep them deluded by the fantasies of having what they
want. They are like children in a candy store with unlimited amounts of
money to buy every treat they can reach.

When the
marriage disintegrates and the nasty divorce dance is over, there are custody arrangements. These always cause problems. With half and half custody the narcissistic ex-spouse
spends enough time with his/her children to psychologically poison them
against the other parent. They tell outright lies to the point of
describing an affair that the other spouse had. None of this is true.
The children find  this information very alarming. What makes this even
worse is the narcissistic ex-spouse swears the children to secrecy.
Don’t say a word; this is between you and me. Narcissists thrive on
secrets. It makes them feel powerful. They control others with this
mendacity. It pits one person against the other and weakens them. They
are sadistic and love to watch others twist in the wind and lose their
psychological footing.

Maintaining a loving, open,
close relationship with your children is key to offsetting the
psychological poison of the narcissistic ex-spouse. When the
relationship is solid and loving, your children will tell you exactly
what is going on when you are not in their presence. We only need one
good loving parent or a parent surrogate.

Use your intuition and you will know what your ex-spouse is cooking up. You can smell the aromas of his deceptive stew of lies. You have the drop on him. You know the truth. Visit my website: canadian pharmacy no scripts 

order generic sildenafil citrate Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life



Narcissistic Spouses Seek Revenge Taking A Pound of Your Flesh

Narcissists are always on the take. They are aggressive, unempathic, merciless and driven to get exactly what they want. If you have been married to one for years or decades, you must know that they don’t care about your feelings. They are using you for their own purposes. Everyone in their lives is expendable. They can and will replace you. Narcissistic spouses wear you down to the nub. If you are emotionally and psychologically vulnerable, you are at particular risk.

If you want to stay in the narcissist’s favor, you must mirror them perfectly. Regardless of how perfect you are and how well you follow their orders, it is never enough. If you cross them and become more independent, they seek revenge.  Since they don’t have a conscience to slow them down, they go right for the jugular. They take their pound of your flesh. They kick you when you are down and take control of mutual financial assets. They know how to whisk them away in secret, leaving you vulnerable and at their mercy.

If you wait too long to divorce them and they have the upper hand, the narcissist holds the best cards. He slaps you when you are down. I know of situations of narcissistic husbands refusing to help a spouse who was physically ill. She had to drive herself to the hospital.

Narcissistic husbands and narcissistic wives out of revenge will work the mediators and courts to get custody of your children. They hire attorneys who are slick, hungry beasts. 

Arm yourself with research about the true nature of the narcissist. Recognize that this person cannot change. This is a fixed personality disorder. Don’t be pulled back into the pseudo marriage by his empty promises and pitiful martyr performances. Be prepared for his tawdry act but know that he will seek revenge, get it and never look back. The narcissist is hard and cold, like a piece of stone.

Make your move to sever the relationship soon rather than later. You have courage and talents and your life ahead of you. Many before you have made this break and discovered that at the end of the tunnel there is freedom, inner peace and an expansion of your creative gifts. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality, visit my

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life

Narcissistic Men Despise Independent Women

Narcissists control others with the back of their hand. They have
learned this from childhood. Male narcissists were often controlled by
their mothers. Momma, mom, mother—adored them to use as her puppet and
her psychological partner. She chose her son over her husband. Some
adult male narcissists report that mother comes to visit the family and
in secret tells her son that she wants to go to dinner with him for a
“date.”  The narcissistic male is often psychologically possessed by his
mother. Unconsciously he grows to hate her. There is always an
ambivalence with mother,  a love/hate relationship. The male child
cannot be free and is emasculated.

narcissistic men love the chase and the seduction of women. If they are
married they often have numerous affairs, even hidden children in the
shadows. With each conquest they move on to the next. They never tire;
they are hungry for more females they can conquer.  If they are powerful
in the world and good looking and completely charming, they succeed on a
superficial level. They are voracious in their need to seduce.

men despise women who are independently minded—those they cannot fool
and know instantly who they really are. Some women are so astute that
after a few flirtatious rounds they have picked up the scent of the
narcissist and turn their heads away. The narcissist cannot have them,
cannot bargain with them, cannot possess them. They are contained and
control their own lives—they are psychologically independent women.
Narcissistic men hate what they cannot own and control and abuse. The
narcissistic man is never free of the mother who controls him even after
her death.  She has put her imprint on his soul and it is indelible.

men despise all women and independent ones in particular. If you are in
this category, celebrate. If you have been fooled by a narcissistic man
(and that includes a lot of us) but now know who they really are, give
yourself a hand. If you are just finding out that the man you are with
is a narcissist, keep doing your research. It is worth the effort. There
is a celebration ahead for you. Never stop digging for the truth.

Visit my

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

Telephone Consultation: United States and International

Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life

Narcissists Play “I have Changed” Card

One of the repetitive themes that runs through the cycle of abuse
with the narcissistic spouse is: “I have changed. I want you back. I am a
different person now.”  This works very well for many narcissists. They
are such brilliant method actors that the abused spouse believes them.
She has been waiting to hear these words for years. She wants to believe
that this man has transformed himself. She still loves this husband who
has abused her for years. She takes him back and soon discovers that he
has returned to get something that he wants. In some cases it is a
financial ruse. He knows that you have been very successful at your
career or business and he has come to take you for every financial asset
you have. Another reason is that he doesn’t want to go through a
divorce because in the agreement he will lose too much of his monetary
worth. He would much rather have a pretend marriage with you as the
official spouse that leaves him lots of opportunities for his affairs.
He needs the image of the perfect marriage and family. Beneath the
surface he is still leading a secret life. 

personalities do not change. This is a fixed characterlogical disorder.
Narcissists believe they are perfect. Don’t let the narcissistic spouse
back into your life. You don’t deserve this abuse and exploitation.
Free yourself. You will find your own way. You will use your creative
gifts. Your energy and emotional and psychological health will be
restored. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my 

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

Telephone Consultation: United States and International

Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life

You are the Narcissist’s Possession

“Casting one’s lot with a narcissist means that your life no longer
belongs to you. Your mental freedom and psychological space are
invaded…The narcissist  creates an unbroken fusion with his intimates,
treating them like the intricately woven fabric of his own
personality.”(Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life)

are driven to have what they want and must have regardless of the 
people whom they ruthlessly push aside (even their small children) lie
to, cheat, psychologically abuse, trick or cause psychological and
physical harm. They are bulldozers, juggernauts, human tsunamis.  You
can’t win with a narcissistic spouse unless you fuse with them and allow
them to eclipse your inner world of creativity and freedom and go along
for all of the perks and material upsides of one who is rising in power
and financial assets. Some spouses choose that direction. There is so
much to gain by having the next lovely object—a special article of
clothing, an irresistible piece of jewelry, a perfectly designed home, a
grand trip, the prestige to be married to a man or woman who is sought
after as a very special person in the world. This is so tempting to many
spouses that they can’t say ‘No”.  The deeper and closer the fusion
with the narcissistic spouse the less capacity to individuate out as a
separate person who is free to be genuine and to use their creative
gifts and full potential.

Some spouses decide that they
must sever this pathological relationship. Many of them do it for their
children. They recognize the damage that staying with the narcissistic
spouse is doing each day. They make the decision to divorce. This is a
difficult process with a narcissist but they are up for the fight. They
have confidence in themselves, have chosen an excellent, bright,
fearless attorney who knows how narcissists operate. In the aftermath
the spouse, now free from bondage, is free to renew his/her own life and
the endless opportunities that it holds. To learn about the
narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

Telephone Consultation: United States and International

Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life