Divorcing a narcissist is often a ghastly version of Hell on earth. I have spoken to so many clients and heard from those who read this blog about the psychologically and emotionally draining and horrific skirmishes and all out wars that take place during this process. Narcissists love to torture those whom they divorce–sadistic!. They are merciless and vengeful. They come at you when you are the most vulnerable. You know the depth of their secret cruelties. Their goal is to vanquish you and leave nothing standing—except them!
I give all of you tremendous respect and credit for learning everything you can about their dirty tactics, sly games and nasty exploitations.
Once you know that you are dealing with a narcissist and understand what makes them tick it is much clearer how to proceed. Of course this is no cakewalk—it is a grinding marathon up many treacherous hills and hair raising curves.
Begin by putting yourself and your physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual health first. Don’t answer every phone call. Learn to say No and mean it not only to the narcissistic spouse but to all others who would disrupt your peace.
Speak in a kind voice to yourself and know that you deserve quality sleep, good nutrition, a feeling of quiet and inner peace that comes from your form of meditation or prayer or just being with Nature or your friends or pets. Listen to music that you love that is comforting and uplifting. Make your life simple. Do not rush–slow it down. Do calm yogic breathing: Inhale through the nose to a count that works for you and exhale slowly through the mouth longer than the inhale. Do simple restorative yoga poses that open the heart chakra and center the mind. Take short breaks during the day when you can to focus that attention on yourself and what you are needing at that moment. Take time to drink a slow cup of tea. Listen to a book on dvd that takes you to different characters and time. Remember to appreciate the beauty of the night, the sun that warms you, the smiles of friends, the shifts of the winds and the quiet that brings you peace.
You are up to this journey. You have already begun. You will prevail and be victorious!
I will be writing regularly again now. I have been working on a book and it is now published: Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist: Discovering Your True Self.