The narcissistic personality is well known, especially in today’s society. Narcissists are among the most successful individuals professionally at present. They are continuously rewarded monetarily and given prestige and honor because of their outrageous self confidence, their intellectual and professional gifts, the access to power that they hold and their monetary worth.
Those who are married to narcissists find themselves in a sticky dilemma. They have spent years of misery with this partner who is highly critical, even sadistic, cold, duplicitous, controlling and completely lacks empathy.
Some of those on the receiving end of narcissistic abuse comment that their narcissistic spouses had his/her good moments. You can’t build a daily life on waiting for your spouse to be in a transient good mood one minute and wiping you off the floor with his incorrigible rage and meaningless promises that automatically fly out of his mouth.Some many women and men keep thinking that they can change this person. They just have to try harder, come up with a more creative plan, become more understanding and patient, etc. etc. You are not going to change a narcissistic personality. You can change yourself and continue to grow and evolve. Staying with a narcissistic personality makes it more difficult for you to do this because of the psychological and emotional burdens and stresses that come along with marriage to a narcissist.
Pay attention to your own needs. Many spouses are always thinking about their narcissistic partner, blaming themselves for his fits of rage and dreadful criticisms and humiliations.
Make a 180 degree turn in your self perception and become entitled to be treated with the respect to which you are entitled. Learn to take good care of yourself and know that you deserve it. Many spouses of narcissists never learned about self care because as children they were always under siege or not wanted or verbally abused, or running from a enraged fist or open hand, or hiding from the gut wrenching screams of a narcissistic parent who would do them harm. Many partners were traumatized as children and unwanted and never learned that they deserved to be well treated , to have down time, to relax and feel content, to be creative and let your imagination fly and float, to be playful and laugh, to sing songs that you make up as you go along, to dance freely, to jump on your bed, to be silly any time of the day or night and a thousand days and nights of lovely moments that you will create with yourself and then find friends who will share this joy with you.
You can make this change. I know so many who have gone down the road of individuation to the beginning of a new life. They tell me about their freedom and the hope that they carry in their hearts and the dreams that they are going to fulfill. You can sever this dysfunctional toxic relationship with your narcissistic spouse. Pay close attention to your intuition. Gather those you trust around you. Listen to the words and music of your true self calling you to enter this new life pathway.
Linda Martinez-Lewi,, Ph.D.