Embrace Your Individuality

You knew that you were different from your family of origin. They insisted that you obey and conform. Many of you did because of the threat of punishments, shaming or recriminations. Despite intimidations you forged your own pathways in your mind, knew that you were unique, not part of this family, often narcissistic parents, and quietly took your own counsel.

Growing up in this family was very difficult and complex. But you forged ahead, sometimes slowly, feeling that you were in a trap and not knowing how to rescue yourself. Always you followed the light of your consciousness and paid close attention to the messages of your intuition which protected and inspired you. Sometimes there were a few individuals who understood and respected your individuality and encouraged your pursuits.

These are the qualities of the wonderful individual that you are:

Spontaneity, a unique genuine response to ourselves, others and our internal and external environments. The ability to express a variety of emotions including  joy, humor, sadness, compassion, awe.

Deep appreciation of Beauty, a source of inspiration and healing. We find beauty everywhere:  in the natural world, in the inner core of others,  in your spiritual practice (as you define), in Nature: the magic of the changing  seasons, the phases of the moon, the rhythm of the ocean’s waves, the tiniest bird’s nest, the beavers’ magnificent dams, great Art and Music that lifts you up and inspires you, inspires us, mystery and power of your spiritual practice as you define this,

Unleashing your creativity: remember who you are and are becoming.  What form does this take for you: sketching, painting, unedited writing,

Maintaining your strength and stamina: sleep, rest, eat nourishing food, movement and exercise that works for you. You are evolving; be kind with yourself!

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

 

Children of Narcissistic Parents – Living in the House of Desolation

The child of the narcissistic parent has been psychologically abandoned.  He/she lives not in a home but a “house of desolation.” This word originates from the twelfth century and essentially means devastation and hopelessness.

The baby and small child needs a deep meaningful and warm connection to the parenting figure to thrive psychologically.

Children of narcissistic parents may have their physical needs met but are starving for warmth, attention, kindness, understanding, positive attachment. Some children suffer from both physical, mental, emotional and financial deprivation.  Many were never wanted. Others were created to enhance the narcissist’s false self image and ego supplies for the narcissistic parent.

I hear from children of narcissistic parents. They have been through painful and complex ordeals. They speak of the cold cruelties of the narcissistic mother and/or father. They were exploited and abused, treated like objects, servants to their maternal and fraternal masters.

The house of desolation is not a home. It may have all of the accoutrements: the space, pleasant surroundings, comfortable ambience but beneath the material objects there is no vital core of human warmth or meaning here.  Some children are born into impoverished circumstances with narcissistic parents and suffer from many levels of narcissistic abuse and privation.

It is remarkable how these children who grew up in the houses of desolation coped and dealt with the cruel and ugly psychopathology of the narcissistic parent. Many learned how to hide in plain sight, went to Nature as an escape to Beauty, traveled to storied magical places with their imaginations, taught themselves how to paint and draw to create new visions of reality, sought spiritual avenues of meaning and solace, learned that movement and exercise through sports and dance built their stamina and deep inner strength.

Prominent British writer Rudyard Kipling was abandoned at the age of six along with his three year old sister Trix by his parents. Mother and father without the slightest announcement after leaving India on a trip to London left their young children with strangers whom  they contacted through a newspaper article. The caretaker was a cruel, cold abusive woman and her disturbed son. For six long years they were left at the mercy of these pathological individuals.  The parents returned unexpectedly and gave no explanation for their abandonment, absence or return.  Kipling’s mother had relatives in London but chose to put her children in psychological distress with unvetted disturbed strangers. Kipling suffered deeply from this abandonment and betrayal. He used his incredible creativity through writing to survive this horrendous extended traumatic experience of parental abandonment, particularly by his mother.

Are you the child of a narcissistic parent who grew up in A House of Desolation. I give you tremendous credit for your authenticity, integrity, stamina, grit and creativity.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

 

 

 

Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers – Seven Restorative Healing Practices

Daughters of narcissistic mothers are a unique courageous group of individuals. It is remarkable to me that they have survived the abuses and deprivations growing up as the daughter of a narcissistic non-mother. They have experienced psychological and emotional pain on the severest levels. These daughters speak of their mother despising them from the beginning. With her gazes, gestures and words it is clear that they were not truly loved.

Narcissistic pseudo mothers have hearts of stone. They are emotionally unreachable, inert, hollow,empty.

Daughters have no way of forming a genuine psychological attachment to the narcissistic mother. She is unavailable to them. There is no warmth, no refuge, no comfort or safety.  There are no hugs and embraces for this little daughter. She tries innumerable times to get mom to give her even the slightest sign that there is a connection between the two of them.

Rather, narcissistic mother has a built in enmity for her daughter. She is jealous of her, competitive even with the small child. She finds her daughter to be unacceptable even alien to her.

Contrary to this style is the narcissistic mother who creates a living ego supply out of her daughter, a Mini Me reflection of mother’s perfection, like the goose who laid the golden egg.

Mother psychologically fuses with golden daughter, coaching her to become her flawless replica.

The narcissistic mother adores her creation but is incapable of loving her daughter as a separate individual. The daughter exists to enhance mother’s image and to keep her ego fully inflated.

I find that these daughters are of fine character: clear thinking, responsible, compassionate, empathic, with a well-developed conscience.

You deserve to recover and heal completely from the narcissistic mother abuse.

Here are Seven Practices that will help you to recover and thrive as you move forward along your unique pathway of the authentic self:

  1. Sleep/Rest: As the daughter of a narcissistic mother you couldn’t rest or sleep well. Maybe you felt you didn’t deserve to feel at ease and quiet inside, to trust that you could let down and be safe and comfortable. Give yourself permission to have this essential downtime. Sleep and rest are essential to your physical and psychological health. We were meant to sleep and rest well. Embrace these essential activities.  When we sleep a natural restorative healing process takes place inside of the body/mind. You are naturally transported to the parasympathetic nervous system, a quieting, calming state of essential healing.
  2. .Movement/Exercise/Nutrition: We were designed to move, to exercise and to eat well. This is different for each person. Do the movements and exercise that are natural to you. Don’t compare yourself with anyone else. Respect your limitations and make no judgments. Learn about eating nutritious food. This is your essential body/mind fuel that provides you with energy, strength and stamina. Do your own research and discover how you can maintain wellness through these activities.
  3. Appreciating Your Solitude: Growing up the daughter of a narcissistic mother you felt like you were being watched and judged. You could not let down and simply be yourself. Even when you went off alone, thoughts about how your mother was reacting to you were on your mind. Now that you are free of this non-relationship you can openly explore your relationship with yourself, being in your own presence, in solitude. It is in solitude that we get to know ourselves: our feelings, thoughts, the seeds and flowering of creativity. There develops a self acceptance as you practice solitude. Creativity occurs in solitude as we commune with ourselves. The imagination soars and we are lifted beyond our personal histories. We leave them behind in solitude and create new meanings that align with the authentic self.
  4. Connection with Nature: Nature is a source of beauty, awe, inspiration, restoration. Nature renews our sense of being present and our appreciation of its majesty and mystery. The beauty of Nature calms the body/mind and brings forth metaphors and visions that awakens your creativity.
  5. Develop Your Intuitive Gifts: Intuition is a gift of insight and wisdom that speaks the truth. We are born with the capacity for intuition. Learn to nurture the powers of this kind of knowing. When you ego is dropped and you are receptive, intuitive messages will come through to you. Stay attuned to your intuition. It is a gift of knowing that is always with you.
  6. Creating a Circle of Trust – There are a few people whom we can trust. They are hard to find but continue your search. It is well worth it.
  7. Unleashing your creativity: You have waited so many years to feel the full force of your creativity. Choose a medium of creative expression that you have used in the past or that interests you: drawing, painting, collage, unedited writing, fiction and nonfiction writing, photography.

You have the reins in your capable hands.  Make the decisions that speak to your heart, soul and mind. Give yourself great credit for what you have accomplished, the greatest boon of all: the fulfillment of your authentic self, a person of deep integrity.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

High Level Narcissists Believe They Are Godlike: Omnipotent, Omniscient

Narcissists have been accused of having the “god complex”, firmly believing that they are omnipotent – all powerful. Ironically in today’s barbarous culture of perverse self-entitlement, on the surface, for some, this appears to be the case. The high level narcissist has no limitations placed on him or her. Feted within their golden circles of influence and privilege, it can appear that these individuals can have whatever they want.
Deep inside in the unconscious the narcissist experiences a hollow, bleak, psychological emptiness, an arid wasteland of nothingness and meaninglessness. In brief moments the narcissist’s mask slips and he becomes consciously aware of this state. He uses powerful defense mechanisms of projection and denial to protect him from painful and disruptive feelings.

The narcissistic personality constellation is a defense against feelings of shame. Since the narcissist does not develop a conscience he or she is impervious to feelings of guilt.

With neither guilt nor shame “impeding” him, the narcissist moves adroitly along the pathways of his blind ambition. He lies constantly, betrays those who love him, steals their creative ideas and projects without a blink of conscience or regret, exploits those who are emotionally weaker as a means of controlling and forcing them to bend to his will.

The high level narcissist will wipe you out financially without a scintilla of concern about your psychological welfare. You are simply a steppingstone to his goals of ultimate power and control.

I hear from individuals who have partnered or married high level narcissits or children of narcissistic parents. Their stories are gut-wrenching.

Awakening to the true reality of the narcissistic personality you will separate out of these non-relationships, put yourself first and move forward along your own pathways.

Make full use of your gifts of creativity, resilience, insight, intuition and compassion.

Each day you are evolving. Start with the basics: sleep, rest, nourishing food, movement/exercise, Nature, Beauty, meditation your way.

Notes to Unique, Precious Empaths

You are the child who was never understood. You are a highly sensitive individual who perceives inner and outer reality on the most minute levels.
You remember from childhood often feeling overwhelmed. Loud noises and crowds were very distressing. While other family members were excited by social events, you had a very difficult time being in groups. You found many of the children to be aggressive and loud. Even attending a children’s birthday party was unsettling. The noise of groups was difficult for you from the beginning.

Some empaths as children find meaning and comfort in solitude, in their own company. They spend hours reading books, walking in Nature, writing in a journal, sketching and drawing. With a vivid imagination the child empath travels everywhere in his mind.

At night you were afraid of the dark and needed a night light on even as you grew older.
As a very small child you picked up the psychological and emotions and vibrations of others. You read their unconscious and knew what was hidden behind the mask of the face
Growing up in a narcissistic family is particularly difficult for the empath. The narcissistic mother or father imposed his will and chose roles for each child. There is the golden one who has been selected to mirror and represent the family image.
From the beginning you didn’t fit into your narcissistic family. You were so different from the other members. It was like you came from another world and wondered how you ended up with this group of people who shared your DNA. You never felt at home with the narcissistic family members.

As you moved into adulthood you began to appreciate your differentness. You appreciated your deep intuitions, inspirations and creativity.
Empaths never fit in to the society at large. This is particularly true currently. There are so many narcissistic personalities who are thriving in our aggressive culture. Without conscience the narcissist treats the empath with disrespect, viewing them as weak and fragile.

You come to a time of awakening, a deep appreciation of your true nature. You no longer care about being accepted by the society at large and its circles of influence.
You cannot compromise the pure gold of your authentic self. You find individuals who appreciate you true nature and whom you can trust. There are just a few but this is sufficient.

Your creative gifts expand and deepen. You find yourself creating whole worlds out of your imagination and intuition. You dispense with the notion that you need others to understand you. You are different and precious —the pearl of great price, the true authentic self. Embrace your individuality, deep compassion, intuition and fine perceptions.
Be kind and protective of yourself with: good sleep, rest, movement/exercise, spending time in Nature, nourishment, lovely music, following the unique pathway of your creativity in all of its forms.

Ever-Present Narcissistic Rage Projections–Psychologically Dangerous

In dealing with a narcissistic spouse, ex-spouse, mother, father, sibling, you are on a tightrope without a net.  You feel the anxiety building inside of your nervous system each time you anticipate an interaction.  You brace yourself for these events.  Sometimes you are surprised that the narcissist has pulled in his/her horns and comes across as emotionally neutral or stable.  (This post refers to male and female narcissists). At times you lower your guard only to find yourself in the middle of an explosive ugly scene. Once again, you are at fault; you made the huge mistake; you were stupid; you are insensitive and thick headed, etc. These abusive projections of narcissistic rage are endless.  Each time you think that the narcissist has changed and will be different, even civil.  These beliefs keep you tied to the narcissist, his or her source of supply that endangers you psychologically.

Children of narcissists grew up in these trauma producing families. Early on they were victims of narcissistic parental rage that never seemed to end.  To this day you can hear the narcissistic mom or dad or both screaming through your head, hurling accusations, epithets, insults and humiliations. I hear from many of them and it is surprising how empathic these adult children are.  They have survived this cauldron of pain and terror at great cost. Yet, they are remarkable human beings.

Narcissistic personality is fixed.  It does not change.  Along with it comes narcissistic rage.  There is no way around this.  Often narcissistic rage deepens with age and becomes more volcanic since the narcissist is living in psychological delusion and incapable of personal insight.

Separating out and individuating from the narcissist is essential to your personal, creative and spiritual growth. Appreciate who you are, act on your intuition and the knowledge that you have obtained about the true nature of the narcissist.

Free yourself, heal and recover.  You deserve to be at peace, to have relationships of trust and deep caring and the full use of your many creative gifts.

 

 

 

 

 

 

You Deserve Recovering Psychologically, Emotionally and Spiritually After the Narcissist

It is the life experiences of my readers and clients that led me to speak directly to their suffering and the process of healing and restoration in my new book: Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist: Discovering Your True Self.  I specifically write to those who have experienced multiple cruelties, deprivations, and humiliation and offer a program to those who live in the aftermath of the narcissistic cataclysm—spouses, ex-spouses, mothers, fathers, siblings. Those who live under these horrific conditions  suffer deep pain. They are desperate, confused, suffer from self blame, are exhausted, feel lost and at times  even crazy.

The narcissist took so much of your life—You deserve to get it all back and then some.

For those who have experienced narcissistic abuse in its innumerable cruel forms, know that you deserve to recover in every aspect of your life, to thrive and use your many creative gifts and discover your true self.  Throughout life we are in a process of separating and individuating from our families of origin.  This is your psychological, emotional and spiritual birthright as a precious individual.

Your healing and recovery involve breaking destructive survival patterns.

The survival tactics we develop become ingrained into us.  Like a familiar song that spontaneously reprises in our minds, distinct patterns of thoughts, feelings memories, fantasies and wishes emerge…Most people continue to listen and respond to the old family life song first heard in childhood.”   (From: Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist: Discovering your True Self)

“The destructive life repetitions that we engage in are innumerable and particular to each individual.  They are found in a repeated cycle of returning to narcissistic individuals who injure us emotionally and psychologically. It is surprising, but often the child that was raised in a narcissistic family with narcissistic parents and siblings returns to this environment that created his greatest suffering by marring a narcissist.” (From Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist:Discovering Your True Self)

Your healing begins with a deep understanding that: There is a center within us that is always seeking the truth about ourselves…Cracking the code of psychological repetition begins with waking up…When we are awake we see things as they are, without delusion. There is no veil, wall or barrier that separates us from what is true.”  (From: Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist: Discovering Your True Self).

Full access to your true self occurs with a specific, consistent practice of self care and the full use of your many creative gifts. As you heal in the aftermath of sharing your life with a narcissist, writing is one of the most powerful methods for loosening up, expressing your thoughts and emotions and igniting your imagination. All you have to do is open yourself up to writing..The practice of spontaneous writing is a gift that never wears out, has no restrictions or boundaries, and is always available. (From: Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist: Discovering Your True Self) Writing regularly is a significant part of your personal transformation.

Nurturing deep friendships where trust and comfort are part of your life,are an essential part of your healing process. We only need a couple of individuals with whom we can communicate, let down and be completely ourselves. These relationships are pure gold.

Rediscovering your creative self is an essential part of your life journey toward recovery.  Creativity is occurring ever moment we are alive, whether we are awake, asleep or dreaming or in joy, sorrow or doubt..It is a transpersonal experience that redeems us from our life histories, .We jump into the roaring, ecstatic stream, swept up in the current that created the cosmos…(From: Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist: Discovering Your True Self)

Learning to meditate your way with consistency heals with the gift of inner stillness.  Be patient and kind with yourself in starting a meditation practice. Remember, this is your unique experience that belongs to no one else. Meditation is the key to insight, healing and breaking unproductive and destructive cycles of repetition…With meditation we reach the mind beyond mind, thought beyond thought–the source of knowing. In deep meditation we experience a vibration of peace…Meditation creates a spaciousness of mind. When we are at peace, even for a few moments, we expand and deepen.  (From: Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist: Discovering Your True Self)

Tapping into the healing restorative part of the nervous system, the parasympathetic is a key toward healing and recovering your true self. “All Healing begins by consistently accessing the parasympathetic nervous system. This is a state of letting go as you bathe in physical and psychological security, peace and body and mind grounding. This calm waking state is natural and built into your being. In the parasympathetic you float down a gentle river, letting the waters take you in a direction of their own. You feel receptive to the freedom and ease you’re experiencing. As you consistently visit this state of calm, the healing of psyche, body and mind accumulates and moves forward at a steady pace.” (From: Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist: Discovering Your True Self)

Becoming open to the souls of other individuals is a profound experience of healing and transformation.  Meeting a soul, you attune yourself to that person on a spiritual and psychological level. They feel your empathy In this interchange, the souls meet and healing takes place. (From: Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist: Discovering Your True Self)

You deserve to heal, recover, transform your life, manifest your unique creative gifts, develop psychologically and spiritually to the fullest and to live in the beauty, peace, comfort and strength of the true self.

You can read portions of my new  book and purchase it at amazon.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Narcissistic Parents–Terrorizing Their Kids to Be Perfect!

Narcissistic mothers and fathers are on endless rampages to make their children ultra perfect. No little child can meet the “standards” of these highly disturbed parents. Sometimes there is only one narcissistic mother or father—-Other children are thrown into the impossible role of having duo raging narcissistic moms and dads. I have had heard from many of these adult children and the horror stories of their childhoods, at times Hitchockian, are chilling–and this is an understatement. An example of this is parents who believe their children should be pure and abstinent, with many crazy parents who lock their children’s cock with devices meant for adult use in order to keep their little ones pure and perfect.

Everything on the surface appears to be in absolute order. In many of these homes one would not find a spot of dirt, dust, particle of food, mud, smudge, grit, grim–even a grain of cereal, sand, rice or a small thin sample of one human hair. And speaking of human–these children grow up in a tidy, sterile inhumane environment.

On the outside, narcissistic mothers and fathers are often regaled as sterling examples of individuals and parents in their communities and the wider world. They are feted for their accomplishments, creativity, professional excellence, their moral bona fides. These individuals wear many convincing masks that fool entire worlds of people, including psychotherapists, teachers, physicians, neighbors, friends, professional associates. They are beyond judgment because of the perfection of their impeccably masked false selves.

In a society that is breeding narcissism faster than we can imagine, these individuals are raised up to the highest places in their societal groups. No one would ever know that in private they create a chronic horrific living nightmare for their infants, young children and adult children.

One of the toughest problems with these cruel, treacherous narcissistic parents is that the child who speaks up about the reality of his or her hidden frightening world is severely punished, demeaned, humiliated and threatened. “No one believes me” —-that is what I am often told by the victims of the narcissistic parents. “They think I am crazy, weak, deluded.” After a while some children come to believe that something is intrinsically wrong with them. This is so painful—like constantly screaming into a cyclone and feeling yourself being ripped away into oblivion.

Narcissistic parents are not affectionate with their children unless it is in front of a camera for a family portrait or on display at social events or church. There is no real hugging, holding or being soothed. These arms are hard and cool, even cold. The parental eyes show no feeling, depth, warmth or compassion. They are blank, menacing, judging and at times deeply threatening. Parental abuses take place in the imprisonment of the family home. While the physical arrangement can be very attractive and neat to the extreme, the emotional and psychological environment is hard edged, apprehension charged, waiting for the footfall that will strike fear in a child’s entire nervous system. These children never feel safe—Why would they? They aren’t and can never let down. There is no emotional and psychological space for private reveries, pleasant daydreams, flights of fancy. Night time is a special horror to these children. Alone in their rooms they are doubly fearful. They know that no matter how desperate or even how ill they are, they cannot call out to mom or dad because either they will be completely ignored or if the parent comes, a great loud storm will appear rather than a comforting mom or dad. Left alone, the child whimpers and cries for the parent who will never come to them in the time of their greatest need. Their fears increase and some children develop phobias, symptoms of post traumatic stress, anxiety disorders. On the surface, of course, they must morph into mother and father’s perfect little darlings.

As the years go by, children of narcissistic parents suffer horribly. Some of them learn to conceal and protect their true feelings and to wall off their precious authentic original selves. Other kids get the message that in order to survive they must play the roles assigned to them: scapegoat, golden child, forgotten child, unwanted child, stupid child, crazy kid.

I have spoken and communicated with many adult children of narcissistic parents who have survived these endless wars on their psyches, bodies, minds and spirits. Listening to these survivors is profound. I am deeply moved beyond words by their grit, strength, courage, creativity, compassion, insight and deep humanity. Many find their own pathways to healing and recovery. This is a long journey with many detours, switchbacks and roads less taken. Here they are—Deep affection, gratitude and joy to those who are on this path each day, moment by moment.

 

Narcissistic Mothers Divide and Conquer

Narcissistic mothers are one woman armies of human destruction. They
are an elite team of ninja killers of the psyches of their children. One
narcissistic mother does more psychological damage than you can
imagine. I read and hear life stories every day about those who have
survived the narcissistic battles of childhood. One of NM’s cruelest
tactics is turning one child against the other. She will assure her son
that he is the special one and then tell the older daughter that she has
been chosen. After all, she is gorgeous, bright and talented. She pits one child against the other. This highly dysfunctional family is in a state of endless psychological war.

The narcissistic mother ties her psychological twin to herself like an appendage. These children have special privileges, no psychological boundaries, no empathy, no developed conscience. They are sent to the finest schools, showered with praise and adulation, never questioned about their brutal sadistic behavior toward their siblings. Even when “mother”  is a witness to these treacheries, she turns a blind eye. For her, the chosen one is the ultimate narcissistic supply.

The golden child learns from mom to taunt and terrorize the other children.
Between the two of them, it is a sinister game—a sadistic one.
In these families it is every child for himself. The brother or sister who
is savvy and has the opportunity, escapes as early as possible. Some
children find other adults whom they trust and help them to move, get
jobs, training, go to college, etc.

As the years go by, hatred between the siblings grows and hardens. The narcissistic
mother remains Ruler of the dissembling process.

You are entitled to rescue yourself from this psychological gulag.  Study the narcissistic personality in-depth. Get in touch with your true self, that part of you that that is authentic, genuine and creative.  You are entitled to lead your life with grace, inner peace, the full use of your creative gifts.

 

Concealed Narcissists Are Psychologically Dangerous

One of the most difficult individuals to identify is the concealed or hidden narcissist. They are so clever at disguising their true intentions, lack of conscience, emotional threats to you. Often they appear to be humble and self effacing–butter doesn’t melt in their mouths. They give you just the right kind of attention that makes you feel that you are deeply appreciated and respected. You breathe a sigh of relief and believe that you have found someone whom you can trust. They have a way of putting you at ease and off guard. Concealeds are unlike their grandiose, “look at me” cousins. If anything, they appear to be quiet, undemanding and empathic. They have Ph.D.s in pseudo empathy. That’s how fine of an act they have honed down. You find concealeds in every population. Some thrive in religious circles, spiritual communities, in mental health professions, etcsta. However, they range the gamit in formal education socioeconomic status, social status and circles of influence.

The concealed narcissist possesses the same psychic structure as the grandiose, sun kings and queens that demand attention at stage center and are constantly commanding unlimited applause and adulation. That is the difficulty in recognizing them before they get their psychological hooks into you. They are very cunning and hold their personal cards close to the vest. They are masters of your emotional and psychological “tells”. I daresay some of them are phenomenal poker players.

Concealeds are clever at putting just the right flavors and amounts of their attention on to you. Some act like servants, individuals who are there to rescue you, who declare that without you their lives would lack meaning or value. Concealeds outwardly take the high moral ground. This is a ruse to impress you about their “fine” characters.

Once you are under their spell, you begin to feel the cruel darkness beneath their compelling, seemingly innocuous surfaces. They let the primitive projections fly and catch you off guard. You are shocked and rocked by the incoming waves of corrosive cruelties and psychological assaults. Then, when you think you cannot take it any more, the hidden narcisisst apologizes so convincingly that you let him/her back into your life. This back and forth pattern over months and years saps you of your emotional and psychological energy. But, many of you blame yourself. This is all backwards but you don’t realize that you are not at fault at all. You are on the receiving end of severe psychopathology.

To protect yourself from these hidden narcissists, study this personality structure in-depth. At the same time, start putting yourself first. Learn to take very good care of yourself. If you have not learned how to do this, especially if you were raised in a narcissistic family, it is time to start—-Now.

Know that the concealed narcissist is very difficult to identify. Put yourself first. Take care of yourself with the right amount of sleep, proper eating, an exercise program that works for you, guided meditation, high quality acupuncture, making Beauty and Nature in all of its forms a part of your daily life. Trust your intuition and insight always.