Those who are married to narcissistic personalities and continue to adore and obey them have put themselves in psychological danger. (This post refers to male and female narcissists) When the narcissist is a forceful personality in the marriage and has “successfully” deluded the spouse into believing that he is perfect and superior, the weaker partner capitulates to the narcissist’s outrageous demands and grandiose expectations. I have seen this happen in a number of marriages. The sensitive, often empathic individual is drawn to the physical attractiveness, blind ambition, intellectual brightness, social savvy and overriding confidence of the narcissist. He or she feels fulfilled and completed by this person who is so sure of himself.
Rather than evolving as a separate individual the spouse psychologically fuses with the narcissistic life agenda which often includes an obsession with material wealth, the acquisition of possessions, the disparagement of those who have not obtained their high status, the restless search for continual leisure and pleasure and the worship of self in its endless varieties and permutations.
I use the word “corrupt” to describe the serious negative psychological changes that the narcissistic spouse has on the partner as a result of this dynamic of worship, emotional fusion and dependence. The partner goes off track and does not evolve as a true self. The need to continue this “worship” increases as the partner becomes more deeply deluded and entrenched into the narcissistic life style.
(Not all narcissists seek wealth and the endless acquisitions of possessions. I am talking here about a subset of the narcissistic personality population.)
In some cases the partner “awakens” from the delusion and realizes that he or she has been the narcissist’s servant not a true spouse. He has given up years of his life to this person who only took, never gave and didn’t have an ounce of empathy for his genuine feelings. When this happens, there is a chance for the partner to extricate himself from this unhealthy fusion and to break free to be himself.
Study the narcissistic personality in-depth. This is the character disorder of our time and these pathologies are continuing to grow and are highly accepted as the norm throughout much of our society today.
Continue to evolve as an individual. Do the hard work of getting to know and appreciate yourself deep inside. Give yourself credit for surviving your previous life experience, especially if you are the child of a narcissist, been married to a narcissist or have cruel narcissistic siblings.
Trust yourself and your inner wisdom.