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Empaths: Celebrate Your Unique Gifts

Empaths are unique individuals, experiencing their world in the most personal, tuned in way. Empaths are born with gifts of profound perception. They are highly attuned to their inner world and that of others. They perceive the depths of other human beings and know what they are feeling and thinking.

Empaths are often misunderstood. These children have a tough time in their families. Family members including their parents often view them as over-dramatic, too sensitive and emotionally frail, incapable of going with the knocks of life.

Empaths are not believed especially in today’s society where over-extended egos and loud aggressive voices win the power, the wealth and the day. We live in a crude, rough culture of sharp, jagged edges.

There was a time not so long ago when people actually paused to watch the clouds roll by, to listen to voices of the wind, to tell tales by camp fire, to climb trees to capture the view.

These days, few people listen. Most are impatient, even rude. If your voice is reticent, there is a built in impatience with your message. You are dismissed and trivialized.

Social immediacy and a quick dramatic image has taken up all attention. The shiny objects that dance before us are indicative of a perverse shallowness of thought and a thorough lack of feeling.

As a child you were subject to the house familial rules and psychological delusions. Your parents lived in a bubble that they created and maintained with great care. You kept trying to be understood. You used every method of persuasion but to no avail. Your siblings and mother and father had louder more compelling voices.

Often you were left alone to sort everything out for yourself. And this is exactly what you did. There was some doubt about your worthwhileness but left to your deep imagination and a developed capacity for solitude, you created and shaped your own worlds, special time warps you could inhabit. What a relief you found in these special places you created inside of your mind and imagination.

You still wanted to belong and tried intermittently to fit in. But you didn’t because you are a unique individual.

Many child empaths learn that reading is the ticket to their freedom. Writing as well is a fine ship that takes us to many lands and seas. It is fair passage to the contents of your imagination.

Put yourself first by acknowledging your legitimacy and your value. Pay close attention to your psychological, physical, creative and emotional needs.

Choose individuals with whom you spend you time wisely. You only need a few of high consciousness and self awareness and compassion.

Spend as much time as possible in the parasympathetic, the calming, healing, restorative, creative part of your systems. Rest, sleep, sing, move, stretch, smile, laugh, create.

Here you find grace, respite and peace. This is your psychological and spiritual home – where you were meant to be.

Psychopaths – Irresistible and Dangerous

We are surrounded by psychopaths in our current society.   There is a deep core of integrity that is missing in these individuals. Those who grow up like mutant psychological weeds never develop a conscience.

They emerge from the full range of socioeconomic classes. Some are golden children of narcissistic parents who from the beginning of their lives are allowed and even encouraged to give in to all of their primal instincts. In these families, siblings of the blooming psychopathic golden child are treated with the harshest, basest cruelties.  Parents of these “privileged golden children” simply look the other way, immune to the treacheries of their psychological and emotional crimes.  

Psychopaths have no limits. They live in a delusional headiness, lotus-eaters, greedy to the max, voracious takers who leave overwhelming pain in their path.  

Society today gives these individuals a huge pass if they are exceedingly successful in the world with money and power in particular. 

Psychopaths are often very attractive with high energy. Early on they use these inherited gifts to magnetize individuals to them. In particular they are gifted at the art of seduction and of getting you to return to them as a result of their convincing persuasions and empty promises.

Many of you have been caught in the psychopathic web of lies, deceits, manipulations and cruelties.  The psychological, emotional and financial damage that they continue to do and have done cannot be understated. 

Insulate yourself from the psychopaths that populate our current society. First, learn how to recognize them quickly and to say “No” to them in the opening phases. You deserve to find individuals who have a fine character and well developed conscience and moral compass. With them you continue to evolve, are free to express your true self, to grow creatively and spiritually. 

Each day, follow your plan of evolution by getting the sleep and rest that you need and deserve, the nourishing food that keeps you healthy and vital, the expression of your many creative gifts, your enjoyment of Nature and the experience of individuals who are worthy of your trust. 

Are You Married to a Jekyll Hyde Covert Narcissist?

The Covert Narcissist has become one of the most prominent corrosive individuals of our current society.  Wearing clever masks of disguise, the covert narcissist fools almost everyone.  The covert conceals his true self, often appearing to be humble and self effacing.

An extreme example of the covert narcissist is the Jekyll Hyde manifestation. In the story by Robert Lewis Stevenson, Dr. Jekyll is experimenting with a potion that transforms him into a dark monstrous figure called Mr. Hyde.  Mr. Hyde is vile, enraged, out of control and conscienceless.

Some individuals are married to a Jekyll Hyde version of the covert narcissist. In public this person effects a very convincing Dr. Jekyll – quiet charm, congenial, friendly, helpful, trustworthy, honest. This is the public face of the covert narcissist. Behind closed doors in the privacy of the family home, Mr. Hyde appears in full. With constant ugly primitive projections of volcanic rage, humiliations, withering criticisms, the covert narcissist creates a horrendous, nightmarish environment for his spouse.

The partner or spouse of the covert narcissist survives in a state of constant psychological and emotional siege. Each moment this individual is at the mercy of the flight or fight mode – hyper -vigilant, sleepless, weary and wary. For them there is no rest or letting down. Being married to a covert Jekyll Hyde narcissist is exceedingly stressful.

When you are married to a Jekyll Hyde covert narcissist you are always on the defensive, wondering who will appear in the next moment: the calm, bright, affable Dr. Jekyll or the grotesque, vile, raging ogre – Mr. Hyde.

There is an accumulation of chronic stress, exhaustion and extreme duress that leads you to a point of decision to divorce the covert narcissist – to free yourself from this daily psychological and emotional oppression.

By making this decision you are putting yourself first, moving forward to individuate from this pathological non-marriage.  Divorcing a covert narcissist is not easy. It is a long tough journey. However, there are many individuals who have successfully freed themselves from these non-marriages.

You are up to the task of moving forward as a unique, persevering, strong, resilient individual to claim your independence from this form of cruelty and oppression.

As you move forward in this process of individuation you are freed to enjoy the full use of all of your creative gifts. You are striding along the pathways of the true, authentic original self.

 

Leave the Covert Narcissist Behind – Return to Your True Original Self

I hear frequent life stories about repeated, painful relationships with covert narcissistic spouses and boyfriends and girlfriends. This post refers to male and female covert narcissists. I am finding more and more often individuals are marrying and discovering once again that they are involved with one of these highly manipulative, controlling, cruel individuals.

After evaluating all of the pain and anguish they have been through, they ask why and how they keep repeating these unhealthy patterns.

I tell those who write to me, read my books and my clients to stop blaming themselves. This is not the way to heal. Recovering from the covert narcissist begins with being kind and compassionate with yourself.

Learning to work with the true self inside of you and to cherish and nurture yourself on every level is the beginning of stopping this repeated pattern of choosing covert narcissists as partners who are not worthy of you.

Put the emphasis on yourself for the first time. You are not required to people please – that was something you felt obligated to do when you were growing up. Maybe your parents expected this of you.  Now you are holding the reins in your capable hands and can make decisions that are in the highest interests of your psychological, creative and spiritual growth.

An essential part of your practice is to make sure that you get the sleep that you need each night. Rest when you can during the day even if it is for a short time.  I have found that there are some well produced guided meditations on the internet. I like a group called The Honest Guys. They are from England and have a variety of recordings.  You will find what works best for you. Also, lovely music is restorative and inspiring. It puts us into the calming part of the nervous system, the parasympathetic. Writing spontaneously is a creative way of expressing your feelings, thoughts, reveries, inspirations. Eating nourishing food and keeping your blood sugar balanced is a significant way to maintain your physical and mental health. Along the way, learn to treasure the truth that arises from paying close attention to your intuition. It is always telling us the truth about ourselves and others.

You have come along way on your journey to the evolution of the true, original self. As you move forward, always know that you are a precious individual and that your voice, words, thoughts and feelings have great meaning and value.

 

 

Thank You

I appreciate the participation of everyone who reads this blog. I will continue to write about every facet of the Narcissistic Personality, Narcissistic Abuse, the Covert Narcissist, Adult Children of Narcissistic Parents, Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist.

I am in the process of writing another book on the Narcissistic Personality.  Due to the time needed to research, write, edit and have this book published, I am temporarily closing the Comments feature on this blog.

I appreciate your understanding while I do this work.

I have learned so much from all of you who read this blog and those who have shared their issues with me and everyone else who comes to this site.

I deeply appreciate your sharing personal stories here that help others to work through the complex and difficult psychological and emotional issues involved with those who deal with Narcissistic Personalities.

Thank you so much for your insightful contributions!

 

The Life of An Empath

From birth Empaths have strong, deep reactions to their internal and external environments. Their feelings for others run very deep. They are capable of perceiving another human being, using cues that originate from their keen gifts of perception. They know when someone is psychologically, physically and emotionally dangerous when others are perfectly at ease with this individual. Empaths are highly tuned to their external environments and hear the slightest noises, smell acutely and see colors vividly. They can be disoriented easily in loud public venues where their senses are put on high alert. Empaths have a very difficult time blocking stimuli that is coming into their nervous systems and senses and are easily overwhelmed. They are capable of knowing instantaneously the unconscious intentions of another person whom they have just met. Of course when empaths share their intuitive knowledge with others, they are not believed and considered to be very strange or deluded.
The life of an empath is different from everyone else. It requires that this individual acknowledge that they must live differently – more quietly, calmly, with solitude, regular rest, quality sleep and the support of those who respect their unique qualities.
Discovering and using your creative gifts and immersing yourself in Nature are two of the most powerful ways the empath can evolve and heal. With deep caring for yourself and without judgment, explore the areas of creative endeavors that fascinate you – writing, painting, sewing, designing, cooking sketching, speaking, singing, creative movement. See what appeals to you and follow it. Nature is always there waiting to heal us whenever we immerse ourselves in her presence. A breeze, a tiny turning leaf, a spider spinning his web, birds chirping to one another, a butterfly that crosses our path – these daily experiences are here to meet our receptivity. In the photo is one of my favorites of Nature’s treasury: the delicate, undaunted, powerful, magnificent Hummingbird.

Oops! Your Covert Narcissism Is Showing

Individuals who are adult children of narcissistic parents, spouses of narcissists, ex-spouses and siblings of narcissistic personalities are often victimized for long periods of time before they recognize that they are not to blame for the the psychological and emotional pain perpetrated by them. (This blog post refers to male and female narcissists).

So often we wave off the intuitive truth about the intrinsic nature of the covert narcissist who is making our lives a moment to moment excruciating experience. Over and over again we are mired in the mud of deceit, manipulation, exploitation, endless lying, psychological ambushes of every length and degree of agony.

All along the covert narcissist expands the velocity and depth of his psychological assaults on his victims. These individuals become mired in anxiety, fear and guilt. They are slowly worn down and exhausted. As they become more emotionally fragile, they are likely to bow to the steel willed, merciless, ruthless machinations of the covert narcissist.

Eventually, you become clearly receptive to incredible moments of repeated insights along with reading in depth about the true nature of the covert narcissist.  During this time, victims of these cruelties finally say to themselves – “Oops, your covert narcissism is showing!” This is the moment of truth that comes through your consciousness to rescue you from years of repetitive psychological, emotional and financial abuse.

Hold on to the golden cord of your intuitive insights, the diligence of your research and your courageous, strong, fine character.

This is the time of reckoning. Your life is turning around and now you have the opportunity to move on the road to your psychological, emotional and spiritual evolution.

Give yourself tremendous credit for the life experiences you have endured and survived. You deserve every great kudo! Take very good care of yourself each day. Get the best sleep, hydrate, balance great nutrition with exercise that works for you. Align yourself with individuals of character who care about you. Rest when you need it, listen to lovely music and always laugh at each magic opportunity. You are terrific!

 

Secret Treacheries of Covert Narcissistic Siblings

Treachery is a mortal betrayal of trust, especially among family members. Covert narcissists are sly, smooth and sneaky–very difficult to detect.

When the Covert Narcissist is your sibling, you are destined to have a painful and tumultuous relationship with him/her. (This post refers to male and female covert narcissists). This is particularly galling if the sibling is the golden child of the family, the chosen one who can do no wrong, always wins and wears the family crown from birth. Mother and father never corrected their “darling” since he was viewed and treated as perfect–someone for you to emulate.

The life stories I hear from children who have had covert narcissistic siblings are horrific. From the beginning the scapegoated child was at the mercy of the covert sibling who taunted, tricked, terrified and threatened his victim. There are scenes of a small child being locked in a closet for hours while parents were away or oblivious. Getting pinched, scratched, smacked, dragged was the order of the day in some households. Of course the perpetrator was never caught and if it was obvious that the golden monster was guilty, the parent covered it up and in some instances blamed the victimized child for simply being present.

As the covert narcissistic sibling reaches adulthood, the psychopathology remains unchanged and the victimization of the sibling continues in a cruel, cunning form. Narcissists are often obsessed with money–It is their god, their compass, their identity.  They are convinced that any assets belonging to the parents belong to them alone. They spend years plotting how they will pilfer every cent belonging to the parents, leaving the other siblings without a penny.  I have witnessed this behavior often; it is ugly and dark. The covert narcissist through a series of cunning manuevers gains control of the family estate. Over time, using pseudo charm and empathy with just the right vintage of pressure and intimidation, convinces the parents that he is the only family member who can be trusted with financial matters. By the time that the other siblings discover that they have been divested of their inheritance, it is too late.

Narcissistic siblings stop at nothing to snatch the gold, the cash, the property, the jewelry, stocks, trusts, etc. Nothing slows them down. They are giddy grabbing the loot. They are devoid of shame, conscience or mercy. In the aftermath the sibling(s) on the losing end is shocked, exhausted and depleted. In some cases these individuals develop health problems as a result of the severe chronic stress of coping with the emotional, psychological and financial treacheries of the covert sibling.

Knowing now that your sibling has a severe personality disturbance is the beginning of unraveling, healing and reconstituting yourself. The first step is to appreciate that young child who survived despite the painful treacherous years and the innumerable ordeals and traumas that you experienced.

Recognize the strength and courage of your true self and know now that you will continue to heal, grow and evolve. Put yourself first and take time each day to move into the calming part of the nervous system where you feel deep inner peace. Get the nourishment, sleep, downtime, creative time, fun time that you need and deserve.

Breaking the Pattern of Marrying Covert Narcissists

I have communicated with many clients and readers and people whom I meet who tell me that they keep marrying, divorcing and then marrying another covert narcissist. How could they have known that they would repeat this hurtful psychological pattern. They should not blame themselves. It is extremely difficult to recognize a covert narcissist, especially if he is at the top of his game. (This post refers to male and female narcissists). By this I mean that the Covert has been practicing his superb part since he was very young. Whether he was the golden child, the forgotten one or even the scapegoat–this individual has identified as a false self most of his life. The covert narcissist learned early to camouflage his true feelings and thoughts. Even more so, as a golden child he was from birth, regal. Everything is handed to the child of pure gold. He or she can never do wrong. These kids are perfect even when they bully their siblings, treat playmates cruelly and make unseemly demands on everyone in their lives.

You as the current or former spouse of a covert narcissist feel confused and dismayed that you continue to be attracted to and then marry covert narcissists. This is a current familiar theme that runs through many of my conversations with those who have repeated this pattern in their relationships. First, give yourself credit for recognizing this pattern of behavior. Know that you will be able to spot the Covert next time and not become involved with him as a partner of any kind, even a friend. Narcissists are incapable of any kind of emotional and psychological empathy. I find that many of those who are attracted to and then marry covert narcissists are highly empathic individuals. What a mismatch! For the narcissist this makes great sense; he can have anything he wants from you and give nothing in return. The covert narcissist makes incessant demands, demeans you, tears you down when you are at your lowest ebb.

After going through painful ordeals throughout a number of years, many of those chronically victimized in their marriages recognize that they must separate and divorce the covert narcissist.  After the divorce is final and you have moved forward with your life, you will be grateful that you made this decision. As you renew yourself you will never look back.  Finally, you have learned to value your unique individuality and your many gifts.

Continue to grow as an individual and learn to appreciate your authenticity and uniqueness. Spend as much time as you can in the recovery, healing, transformative part of the nervous system. Here you will feel deep inner peace, security and optimism. Embrace the flowering of your unbounded creative gifts and energies.