You Cannot Communicate with A Narcissist

The narcissistic personality lives in a delusional world of his creation. Although he/she gives fine speeches and is highly articulate in his profession, he is incapable of the give and take of true communication. I am talking of a meeting of minds. The narcissist is of one mind—his. That is all that exists at the center of his universe. You share his reflected light only if you can provide him with major narcissistic supplies–becoming an adoring spouse who acts as his servant, provide him with sources of power and paths to wealth, introduce him to influential movers and shakers. If you are in his life and cannot fit his bill, especially if you are a spouse or child, you will be treated with disrespect, dismissiveness, constant ridicule, searing criticism, verbal assaults, mental gaslighting and psychological sabotage.

The current narcissistic society gives these individuals a large pass, especially if they are successful academically and professionally and are highly confident. Recently I had an encounter with a narcissistic fellow. I had spoken to him previously and suspected that he was a narcissist. Every word that he uttered was about him. He bragged incessantly about his entry into a medical residency. I made an effort to engage him in a conversation but it was impossible. At one point I mentioned a renowned surgeon who was in his field of study and he didn’t make a verbal or nonverbal reply. It appeared that he was unable to hear anything that I was saying except the sound of his own voice. He flashed a pasted smile with pearly teeth every time he spoke about his grandiose ambitions. He was obsessed with his perfect false self. I talked about a person whom I knew that had a medical problem in his prospective specialty. He was uncommunicative and disinterested.  I watched him puff himself up like a peacock as he spoke about his future. When he did mention others there was a sharp disdain in his voice and nonverbal demeaning gestures signaling his superiority.

I left the Prince’s throne room and went outside into the night and gazed at the twinkling stars —so beautiful, magnificent and real.

Study the narcissistic personality in-depth.You will learn how to recognize them much sooner. Trust your intuition as well. It always speaks the truth. Work on your own self entitlement, clear boundaries and demand self respect. You are a person of many gifts and have unique value. You are empathic and each person you meet is fortunate that you have passed their way. Stay on the road less traveled, the one that leads to higher consciousness and inner peace.


Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.


5 thoughts on “You Cannot Communicate with A Narcissist”

  1. Comment:From Lynda
    I ‘ve been married to an abusive narcissist husband for 18 years now. I’m done. I am working on getting away fromhim with our 3 children. I’ll never win with him. He’s always right in his mind. He’s in deep denial and denies any kind of abuse. I’m done. When I get away, I will need to cut all ties. He probably will get visitation with the kids which I will try and get the courts to grant supervised visitation. If not, I will have to meet him in a very public place or have a trusted friend transport the children back and forth. I realize that no contact is best with an abusive narcissist.

  2. Comment: From Nicole
    i live with a narcissistic sister. I’m only 15 so I’m stuck living with her for another 3 years. she picks arguments with everyone in our family hourly. The constant arguing in our house is maddening and the fights always include my sister and another family member. She is 12 now and me and my older brother have watched her destroy our family for about 8 years. when i was about 8 and she could finally talk is when our family fell apart. she turned our parents from their loving carefree nature. now the only things they say revolve around my sisters arguments. they finally admitted there might be something wrong with her about 5 months ago when i was at an academic excellence ceremony and received 3 awards. following the ceremony we were going to let me me pick a rester ant to go to, but my sister threw a fit, screamed until i cried and then forced us all to go home. my parents are yet to actually do anything about her instability. I’ve already decided to just sever all family ties after i move out (which will be at 18 unless i can get emancipated.) because my parents refuse to give up on her, and i cannot live in her shadow anymore. I’ve read that some narcissus’ choose a victim, and i am definitely that victim. just today she scraped the metal leg of a chair over my foot while we were at dinner, then screamed at me to “shut up and put my foot where it belonged because i didn’t matter and she didn’t care.” its gonna be a long 3 years and I’m gonna miss my big brother, mom, and daddy when i move away, but any sacrifice is worth it to escape a narcissist. if you’re reading this and are old enough to move away from the narcissist in your life, do it.

  3. Comment:From Debbie
    I have recently used these very words in describing how my sister speaks to me – disrespectful, disdain, dismissive, sarcastic, intimidating with constant veiled threats. It is good to see these words here because she has me believing I am crazy half the time. I think it is very sad when I am elated if she is being nice. She can be charming and fun but it is a nightmare the minute I do not agree, or have a thought of my own, or stick up for myself. It wears me out. Thank you for the confirming words. I will not disown my sister but I MUST seperate my life from hers. I wish all of us who struggle to draw from each others experience and share our courage.

  4. Comment: From Abeer
    Hi, i was married to a narcissist husband for 30 years, he was too rude,having several relations, secretly having wives…., he always wants me to think that i am selfish, crazy ,imagine things, i was preparing to run away with my 3 children…..i took what is important from the house……to servive for one year without him…….we are in court now, i divorced him, my children are adults….no one need him………….i told him game is over…….you have to realise it is over…………..he did not think that one day will come and i will be out of his control. i am free now .

  5. havn’t seen my narcissist for 6 months & I’m still struggling to understand the logic of the situation. He proved to be sadistic, cruel despite me doing anything remotely horrible.
    He had 3 major rages all in the last 3 months, I escaped him but now have baggage he left me with.
    I know he didn’t suffer at all, just carried on the routine without me. I mean his ritual trips to the same pub, talking trivia with the same dull fake friends.
    These people are monsters, there is some decnt advice on communicating with them using the “I” word to appear non accusatory. They use the “I” word constantly so it may seem as though you are the same. But “you” must never ever be used as they will feel the need to burn you to a crisp for any hint at critism.
    These are so toxic special closure is required, you must make a key exception, they won’t give any so you cultivate indifference by reading articles like this one.
    When they’re around you will be exhausted, have low self esteem & generally feel inadequate so getting that toxic out seems futile as you’re living on your nerves desperate to avoid the rage, whether you’ve seen it or not you will be avoiding it, deep down you know it’s ugly.
    Your subconscious will make you hyper vigilant yet there hasn’t been a single tangible abuse yet, don’t worry it’ll arrive when are least equipped to flee. It will send shivers down your spine, you will know fear.

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