In the midst of listening to a narcissistic spouse screaming in your ear during one of his many tantrums, you wonder if you can take it anymore. You have been worn down by the daily verbal attacks, put downs and criticisms of your partner. At first many spouses believe that they can change their narcissistic partners. They make helpful suggestions, research how to create a happy, healthy marriage. Above all they give so much of themselves to solving the marital issues with the narcissist. Many non-narcissistic spouses go to couples therapy. The narcissist if he/she attends is inclined to sabotage the entire process. In some cases the narcissist convinces the therapist that his marital partner is unstable and flips this professional to his side. This is a nightmare. I do not recommend couples therapy with a narcissistic spouse. In many instances if there are financial assets involved the narcissist want to continue the relationship formally so that he can maintain his lifestyle and and not give the spouse her due. Narcissistic spouses use clever accountants to hide their monetary worth so that if a divorce eventually occurs there is nothing left for the non-narcissistic spouse. I hear these painful life stories frequently. They are exceedingly cruel.In the meantime the narcissist has found someone else to impress and draw into his web. This person will become another victim.
When you recognize that you are married to a narcissist through your research, by means of good psychotherapy and your fine intuition, it is time to take action. You cannot reveal to your partner that he is a narcissist. It is highly inflammatory (even if it if the truth). The narcissist will throw this in your face and call you histrionic and unstable.
As you research the narcissistic personality disorder, you will recognize the person to whom you are married.
Do not be judgmental with yourself. You could not have known that this person was a narcissist. They conceal their pathology so skillfully and the narcissistic society gives them every opportunity to activate their grandiosity, self entitlement, ruthlessness and chronic lying.
You win against the narcissist by identifying and standing by your solid, strong self. You hold the truth-the narcissist lives in delusion not attached to reality. Your genuineness is a powerful part of your personality that keeps you grounded. You care about understanding yourself and are empathic with others. These are great strengths that you hold to while severing yourself from the relationship with the narcissist and for the rest of your life. When you are free of this burden you will expand your creativity, deepen your sense of peace and expand your consciousness. You are deeply in touch with yourself—that wonderful human being you were always meant to be. Visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life