When you look into the eyes of a child of a narcissistic mother, the pain is so intense you cannot bear it. Imagine what that human being across from you is experiencing all of the time–since the beginning of her/his life. Some children of narcissists are so psychologically numb that they cannot feel this pain because it would crush them completely. Rather, they harm themselves. Some become anorexic and control the one thing they can–what they put in their mouths. Others turn to high risk relationships with sadistic partners who beat them up psychologically and physically. Some make small cuts in their flesh in inconspicuous secret places to release their unbearable feelings.
Many of these adult children tell you over and over again how much they love their mothers. It is confounding but not surprising. They have identified with their life aggressor, the person who birthed them and then did everything possible to destroy them. Narcissistic mothers adore their golden children–the ones that are very attractive, extroverted, overly confident, great performers. They detest their child who is not as physically attractive, a loner and thinker, quiet, sensitive, introverted.
In many cases the unwanted psychologically abused child goes through her life “adoring” mother and hating herself. She is fused with a mother and trapped in a state of self loathing. This is tragic and true.
There are other children who awaken to the true nature of their narcissistic mother—feel her mortal danger to them, know that she will never love them and will not stop torturing them. They take the ride of their insight and finally acknowledge that they never had a real mother–but a monster, a psychological killer.
There are many life stories of those who have broken these horrendous chains of abuse, who have worked through their feelings of self hatred, shame and loathing and have emerged to recognize, feel and celebrate their true natures. You deserve our special love and respect. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life