If you are waiting for your narcissistic husband to change after five months, five years, twenty years of marriage,you will be waiting forever.It is not going to happen. Immunize yourself—first by learning and studying everything you can about the narcissistic personality. Some narcissists find another partner and don’t want to have anything to do with you. You are forgotten. Count your blessings. They are out of your life. Thank God. Some narcissistic spouses have to nerve to try to play their game, to believe that they are perfect—to have control over your life. This may sound convincing. This is another trick to pull you back in so they can control you. This is especially the case if you own your own home or homes, have built up your financial assets and have a very successful career. The narcissist takes free rides off of the lives of others. They are parasites, sucking at your energy, putting you back into fight or flight mode, keeping you from sleeping at night. Remember what you endured throughout the marriage–cruelties beyond description. Keep this fresh in your mind. Don’t fall for the smooth talk and empty promises.
For those who are sticking it out with narcissistic spouses, I say think of the quality of your life and if you have children , your being a fine parent is essential to protecting them from these merciless, cunning vipers. The sooner you come to terms with the truth that you spouse is a narcissist and know you must sever the relationship the better off you will be. Doing this can be very challenging. But begin now. Make your preparations. Like a great fighter–a ninja–prepare, prepare, prepare. Don ‘t give a hint to anyone what you are planning to do. If you have a friend you can trust completely this will provide support. Some spouses are greatly helped by excellent therapists. Choose these professionals wisely.
Know that you will prevail, that you are strong and steady and that nothing will stop you from freeing your original self and your children from the narcissistic spouse. To learn about the NPD in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life