In narcissistic families some children are more “equal” than others, even “superior.” Of course this is not true; it is a delusion, a tale of parental narcissistic psychopathology. When we are very young we are helpless and must do whatever we can to survive. Some kids play the game; some know how to be skilled actors; others hide and wither. If you have lived in the deep shadow of your sister’s pathological narcissism, you have weathered great emotional and psychological pain. Very likely one of your parents was a narcissist. In many instances it is the narcissistic mother who chooses her favorite child to carry the family banner of perfection. She has picked the one who will give her the most narcissistic supplies and bragging, bravado. She will wear the family coat of arms and be crowned as royalty. This child can do no wrong and is given no limits of behavior. As a result this golden sister does not develop a conscience or empathy or compassion. she may be sadistic and enjoy causing you emotional pain. She gets you in trouble with her lies. Mother believes her because they are psychologically fused with one another. This ghastly delusional arrangement can move all the way into adulthood.
At some point many of these victims of the narcissistic sister decide they are carrying too much pain. They can no longer endure it. They have tried everything to be accepted by their narcissistic mother and sister. But nothing ever works (and it never will–That’s how serious disturbed these individuals are. You have the insight and know that you will now sever this relationship with narcissistic mother and her twin the narcissistic sister. You will no longer be living in her shadow.
Many individuals in this situation move forward to separate from this pathological family origin with the help of excellent psychotherapy and other healing methods that include gentle yoga, meditation, finding supportive friends, using your creative gifts and watching them blossom in full light. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life