Tag: Narcissistic Personality

Sing Your Own Tune Not the Narcissist’s

We all have music inside of us. It may be a small voice that calls
from inside that is barely heard. It may be a swelling sound like a
river held back too long that is bursting to go over its banks. When we
are little many of us sing to ourselves and if we are fortunate, others
share their voices with us. Song has been with us for thousands of
years. It is a part of our nature. We were meant to move to rhythm and
to hum and sing. Listen to very small children and you know that is part
of who we are.  When we sing and give power to our voices, we are whole
and free.

Those who are tied to the narcissist in a
charade marriage narrow their chances of becoming the person they were
meant to be.  The narcissist demands mirroring of him/her alone. He is
the master; you are the follower.

He is always right–impeccable.
You make all the mistakes. Every fine idea or creative endeavor evolves
out of him, even when its origin is yours. You can never win with a
narcissist. They may create a comfortable lifestyle that is consistent
with your external goals but where is the heart of the narcissist. It
can’t be found. Narcissists are masters of pseudo empathy and caring
when they have to play the part but once the drama is over and they have
gotten exactly what they wanted, they revert back to their fits of
rage, recriminations, constant lies and ruthlessness.

If
you have had more than enough and can hear your own song in your head
and it is getting louder and your intuition is messaging you frequently,
pay attention. You are being told to make a decision, to take a
different road, to activate yourself fully as an individual without
limitations.  We come to this earth in our present form once only. Make
this one count. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth,
visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com 



Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: [email protected]

No Longer In Shadow of Narcissistic Sister

I hear from many sisters who were psychologically dismissed because
they existed in the shadow of their older sister golden child. She was
beautiful and bright. Everyone paid attention to her. Her birth was long
awaited and she became the star of the family immediately. The
narcissistic mother worshiped gorgeous Sis. Second sister Alyce was not
an extrovert. She was quiet and  intelligent. Alyce learned to survive
by living in her older sister’s  shadow. She  tried to imitate her
manner of speech and gestures, thinking that she would be able to get
her mother’s attention and love if she succeeded. Instead Alyce was
laughed at, demeaned and humiliated. The narcissistic mother who was
psychologically fused with her older daughter would mimic Alyce, even in
front of company. Alyce was so hurt that she ran to her room and cried
uncontrollably. No one came upstairs to see how she was feeling. She knew
that her mother and sister didn’t care. They were too engrossed with
one another in mutual adoration mode. Alyce learned to keep very
quiet and become invisible to this duo. She didn’t have confidence in
herself and hid in her studying and books. When Alyce left for college she was relieved to get away from the narcissistic abuse.  

The psychological pain
remained with Alyce. She found excuses not to visit the family on
Holidays. After going through a rough period of depression, Alyce sought
psychotherapy. She developed a strong therapeutic alliance with the
therapist and went through the process of grieving for the mother
she never had and a sister that could do without her. It was difficult
work. Alyce emerged emotionally stronger and steadier, more clear about
her true identity as an individual and appreciative of her unique gifts.
As time passed Alyce severed her relationship with her narcissistic
mother and narcissistic sister.

She is no longer in the shadow of
her narcissistic sister nor does she fear the disapproval and cruelty of
her mother. She has gone through a process of personal transformation.
Alyce feels free to move ahead with confidence and optimism about her
present and future. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic
personality, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com 


Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: [email protected]

The Narcissistic Style Has Taken Over

The narcissistic style is obsessive self involvement sprinkled with
lack of empathy, compassion and doses of  of materialism and the need
for external perfection. There are countless individuals who lead their
lives with consideration for others and who will stop and help people
they don’t know. They provide comfort to their friends and are present
and loving to their families and people whom they have never met before.

I
am talking about what has happened to many individuals in the course of
a decade or so. The narcissistic style is being highly rewarded by
corporations, amid many social circles, in the media and entertainment.

Externals
of face, body, figure, clothing, connections, glamour and youth are
rewarded over kindness, consideration of others, thoughtfulness, empathy
and deep awareness. It has become a Darwinian world. Many people are
out strictly for themselves and brag about it with their constant self
references of success, monetary gain and, with regard to parents, the
perfection  and brilliance of their children.

Many
individuals need to wake up and realize that some people lead very
difficult if not impossible lives. They had it very rough as children.
They were dismissed, abused, neglected, beaten, psychologically
deprived, physically ill and poverty stricken. Never assume when you
meet someone that they have not had a very painful background and that
every moment of their life now is trying. I am sickened by the lack of
sensitivity and awareness of those who have taken up the narcissistic
style as a way of life. Learn to tune in to the other person before you
start bragging about yourself and all of your achievements and monetary
worth.  Keep still and listen and take the other person in. Then you
will know what to say about yourself and when to keep quiet.

There
are extraordinary human beings who are so empathic they restore your
belief in the goodness of people. We need more of them. If you are one
of these, appreciate yourself. Let your light shine. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com



Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: [email protected]

Sociopathic Narcissists Have The Killer Instinct

The grandiose narcissist needs to have his/her ego constantly
stroked. He knows how to reel people in. He plays to their dependency
needs, material desires, their aspirations for wealth and power. He can
take one look at a woman and know how to get her under his control. Many
women fall for this master of charm with all the gilded promises. With a
narcissist you are lead to believe that you life will be unlimited,
that you can have every high and pleasurable experience you’ve ever
wanted, that you will never have to worry about money, security, social
status. You will always be royal. Woman with very successful careers and
professions still fall for charming narcissistic men. They become
entranced, hypnotized.

The sociopathic narcissist is
several steps beyond his classic brother narcissist. He doesn’t have a
whiff of conscience. He is involved in illegal activities as part of his
lifestyle. He secretly leads a number of lives and has a keen killer
instinct. You get in his way and your life is toast. That is the force
of his dangerous darkness. He may threaten you openly or keep his plans
secret but watch out if you confront him. Those who go along with him
are not leading their own lives. They stay there because of all the
perks which are a constant distraction like a merry go round that is
moving faster and faster. The giddiness of having anything you want is
intoxicating.

Sociopathic narcissists are disastrous
parents. They are incapable of forming any kind of relationship with
them. Sometimes the child looks up to the father or mother because this
person is very successful and powerful. Some narcissistic sociopaths
choose one child to mirror him. He becomes the golden boy or girl and
can do no wrong.

Sociopathic narcissists are
psychological killers in business. They terrorize their rivals. They
have close allies and partners that make the lives of their competitors a
living hell. They step over ethical and legal boundaries all of the
time and don’t get caught because they have a coterie of killer instinct
sociopathic lawyers.

When you decide to divorce a
sociopathic narcissist, make your preparations secretly and take your
time to do a lot of research. Interview several attorneys who understand the way these people tick. The soon to be ex is out for blood and will stop at nothing to win.  Find an attorney who is
not intimidated in the slightest with these personalities, someone who
remains calm when the long knives come out. Use all of your resources to
get the support you need. Excellent psychotherapy can be very helpful
during this time. Find friends that are available to support you and
stick with this ordeal. You will prevail. Keep telling yourself that
this is a marathon and you are up to the race and will cross the finish
line with a smile on your face.  Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com 



Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: [email protected]

Narcissistic Ex-Spouses Psychologically Poison Their Children

Remember that narcissists are without conscience or shame. They will
never apologize for some horrible trauma they have caused you or your
children. In fact, they blame every calamity on you. They twist the
truth like a warm pretzel. Some spouses believe their lives are great because they
have been brainwashed over the years. Others are
immersed in the lifestyle that he/she  provides for them. There are too
many trips, parties, lovely possessions, gifts and all the other
distractions that keep them deluded by the fantasies of having what they
want. They are like children in a candy store with unlimited amounts of
money to buy every treat they can reach.

When the
marriage disintegrates and the nasty divorce dance is over, there are custody arrangements. These always cause problems. With half and half custody the narcissistic ex-spouse
spends enough time with his/her children to psychologically poison them
against the other parent. They tell outright lies to the point of
describing an affair that the other spouse had. None of this is true.
The children find  this information very alarming. What makes this even
worse is the narcissistic ex-spouse swears the children to secrecy.
Don’t say a word; this is between you and me. Narcissists thrive on
secrets. It makes them feel powerful. They control others with this
mendacity. It pits one person against the other and weakens them. They
are sadistic and love to watch others twist in the wind and lose their
psychological footing.

Maintaining a loving, open,
close relationship with your children is key to offsetting the
psychological poison of the narcissistic ex-spouse. When the
relationship is solid and loving, your children will tell you exactly
what is going on when you are not in their presence. We only need one
good loving parent or a parent surrogate.

Use your intuition and you will know what your ex-spouse is cooking up. You can smell the aromas of his deceptive stew of lies. You have the drop on him. You know the truth. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com 


Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: [email protected] 

 

 

Narcissistic Spouses Seek Revenge Taking A Pound of Your Flesh

Narcissists are always on the take. They are aggressive, unempathic, merciless and driven to get exactly what they want. If you have been married to one for years or decades, you must know that they don’t care about your feelings. They are using you for their own purposes. Everyone in their lives is expendable. They can and will replace you. Narcissistic spouses wear you down to the nub. If you are emotionally and psychologically vulnerable, you are at particular risk.

If you want to stay in the narcissist’s favor, you must mirror them perfectly. Regardless of how perfect you are and how well you follow their orders, it is never enough. If you cross them and become more independent, they seek revenge.  Since they don’t have a conscience to slow them down, they go right for the jugular. They take their pound of your flesh. They kick you when you are down and take control of mutual financial assets. They know how to whisk them away in secret, leaving you vulnerable and at their mercy.

If you wait too long to divorce them and they have the upper hand, the narcissist holds the best cards. He slaps you when you are down. I know of situations of narcissistic husbands refusing to help a spouse who was physically ill. She had to drive herself to the hospital.

Narcissistic husbands and narcissistic wives out of revenge will work the mediators and courts to get custody of your children. They hire attorneys who are slick, hungry beasts. 

Arm yourself with research about the true nature of the narcissist. Recognize that this person cannot change. This is a fixed personality disorder. Don’t be pulled back into the pseudo marriage by his empty promises and pitiful martyr performances. Be prepared for his tawdry act but know that he will seek revenge, get it and never look back. The narcissist is hard and cold, like a piece of stone.

Make your move to sever the relationship soon rather than later. You have courage and talents and your life ahead of you. Many before you have made this break and discovered that at the end of the tunnel there is freedom, inner peace and an expansion of your creative gifts. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: [email protected]

Sadistic Narcissistic Mothers Aim Knives at Your Heart

Some narcissistic mothers hated you before you were born. They didn’t
want children. They were obsessed with their careers and climbing to
the very top. (Every woman who climbs to the top in her career is not a
narcissist.)  This often includes finding a man that will be a
reflection of their perfection. Narcissistic women often choose weak men
whom they can completely control.

Narcissistic women
have no substance, conscience, compassion or empathy. They are highly
ambitious, very bright, exceedingly driven and determined to reach the
pinnacles of power. Narcissistic women have children not because they
are capable of love but to use as narcissistic supplies that will
burnish their external image. They can say they have it all and can do
it all. Their children are often taken care by babysitters and nannies
from the beginning of their lives. Their children are narcissistic
supplies, especially the kid that is chosen as the golden child. This
child is claimed perfect from the beginning and often becomes a budding
narcissist.

The worst narcissistic mothers are highly
sadistic. They obtain pleasure from terrifying you. When you are a baby
they startle you with their loud voice or allow the other children to
pinch you and pretend that this is a funny game. Narcissists
unconsciously despise themselves. They project their self hatred on to
their children, especially those she has placed in the role of
scapegoat. 

Some of the children of narcissistic
mothers describe their childhoods as unbearable. They were constantly
hanging on by an emotional thread waiting the moment of annihilation.
Narcissistic mothers aim knives at your heart. They attempt to
de-humanize you, to take away your integrity, to humiliate you. This
works with some children who simply give up the fight and hide in the
shadows and escape deep into their minds. Some children numb out and
freeze their feelings. The very sensitive child feels his/her sadistic
narcissistic mother’s knife pointed at her heart. She is a child caught
up in combat who feels her life psychologically endangered. The sadistic
mother thrills at watching her child in primal terror. Now she has
complete control over this person.

Keep your heart
open, secure and free. As the adult child of a narcissistic mother you
can heal. The process can take a long time. It requires consistent work
and some adult children find healing through professional psychotherapy.
Other strategies involve gentle hatha yoga, meditation in the form that
works for you, finding emotional support from friends whom you trust.
You can prevail and heal your psychological and emotional wounds and
strengthen yourself. To learn about every facet of narcissistic
personality, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com 


Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

Telephone Consultation: United States and International

Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: [email protected]


Sadistic Narcissistic Mothers Aim Knives at Your Heart

Some narcissistic mothers hated you before you were born. They didn’t
want children. They were obsessed with their careers and climbing to
the very top. (Every woman who climbs to the top in her career is not a
narcissist.)  This often includes finding a man that will be a
reflection of their perfection. Narcissistic women often choose weak men
whom they can completely control.

Narcissistic women
have no substance, conscience, compassion or empathy. They are highly
ambitious, very bright, exceedingly driven and determined to reach the
pinnacles of power. Narcissistic women have children not because they
are capable of love but to use as narcissistic supplies that will
burnish their external image. They can say they have it all and can do
it all. Their children are often taken care by babysitters and nannies
from the beginning of their lives. Their children are narcissistic
supplies, especially the kid that is chosen as the golden child. This
child is claimed perfect from the beginning and often becomes a budding
narcissist.

The worst narcissistic mothers are highly
sadistic. They obtain pleasure from terrifying you. When you are a baby
they startle you with their loud voice or allow the other children to
pinch you and pretend that this is a funny game. Narcissists
unconsciously despise themselves. They project their self hatred on to
their children, especially those she has placed in the role of
scapegoat. 

Some of the children of narcissistic
mothers describe their childhoods as unbearable. They were constantly
hanging on by an emotional thread waiting the moment of annihilation.
Narcissistic mothers aim knives at your heart. They attempt to
de-humanize you, to take away your integrity, to humiliate you. This
works with some children who simply give up the fight and hide in the
shadows and escape deep into their minds. Some children numb out and
freeze their feelings. The very sensitive child feels his/her sadistic
narcissistic mother’s knife pointed at her heart. She is a child caught
up in combat who feels her life psychologically endangered. The sadistic
mother thrills at watching her child in primal terror. Now she has
complete control over this person.

Keep your heart
open, secure and free. As the adult child of a narcissistic mother you
can heal. The process can take a long time. It requires consistent work
and some adult children find healing through professional psychotherapy.
Other strategies involve gentle hatha yoga, meditation in the form that
works for you, finding emotional support from friends whom you trust.
You can prevail and heal your psychological and emotional wounds and
strengthen yourself. To learn about every facet of narcissistic
personality, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com 


Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

Telephone Consultation: United States and International

Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: [email protected]


Narcissistic Couples Build Picture Perfect Lives

Perception is everything to the narcissist. We are talking about the
perfection of the external image that is shown to the world. Narcissists
are incapable of introspection, self analysis, insight, compassion and a
whole host of attributes that make a person human.

There
are men and women who discover one another and fall for their mirror
image. They are lost in the spell of its beauty and impeccability. The
style, confident manner, social sophistication bring these two people
together. The narcissistic pair have the same goals to make it in the
material world, to become part of an elite group that is lionized and
has special privileges. They worship indulgence and obsessively find
pleasure in creating external environments of luxury and excess. The
must always have the best. They are competitive with others in seeking
more extravagance in their possessions, lifestyles and the company they
keep. They are never satisfied and continue to climb.

There
is nothing happening inside of these narcissists who have coupled.
Their inner world is bleak, restless, empty. Beneath the surface, in the
depths of the unconscious lies self loathing and feelings of
worthlessness. They are overcompensating on the outside for what they do
not have on the inside. Many people are impressed by successful
narcissistic couples, especially if they don’t recognize these
individuals as highly pathological. In fact, they are entranced. They
seek out their company and become followers and imitators of their
mentors.

Look beyond the glitter, entourages, perfect
environments, faces and bodies to recognize that there is nothing that
these people have to offer you. Research the narcissistic personality
and learn how they operate and what motivates them. Understand their
duplicity and betrayals, the way they make other people’s lives,
intolerable. Take a simpler road away from the glitter and  sham they
have created and sell as real. Listen to the truth inside of you and
follow it. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality,
visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com



Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

Telephone Consultation: United States and International

Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life

Email: [email protected]

Narcissistic Men Despise Independent Women

Narcissists control others with the back of their hand. They have
learned this from childhood. Male narcissists were often controlled by
their mothers. Momma, mom, mother—adored them to use as her puppet and
her psychological partner. She chose her son over her husband. Some
adult male narcissists report that mother comes to visit the family and
in secret tells her son that she wants to go to dinner with him for a
“date.”  The narcissistic male is often psychologically possessed by his
mother. Unconsciously he grows to hate her. There is always an
ambivalence with mother,  a love/hate relationship. The male child
cannot be free and is emasculated.

Ironically,
narcissistic men love the chase and the seduction of women. If they are
married they often have numerous affairs, even hidden children in the
shadows. With each conquest they move on to the next. They never tire;
they are hungry for more females they can conquer.  If they are powerful
in the world and good looking and completely charming, they succeed on a
superficial level. They are voracious in their need to seduce.

Narcissistic
men despise women who are independently minded—those they cannot fool
and know instantly who they really are. Some women are so astute that
after a few flirtatious rounds they have picked up the scent of the
narcissist and turn their heads away. The narcissist cannot have them,
cannot bargain with them, cannot possess them. They are contained and
control their own lives—they are psychologically independent women.
Narcissistic men hate what they cannot own and control and abuse. The
narcissistic man is never free of the mother who controls him even after
her death.  She has put her imprint on his soul and it is indelible.

Narcissistic
men despise all women and independent ones in particular. If you are in
this category, celebrate. If you have been fooled by a narcissistic man
(and that includes a lot of us) but now know who they really are, give
yourself a hand. If you are just finding out that the man you are with
is a narcissist, keep doing your research. It is worth the effort. There
is a celebration ahead for you. Never stop digging for the truth.

Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com


Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

Telephone Consultation: United States and International

Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: [email protected]