Narcissistic Personality - The Narcissist In Your Life

Covert Narcissists—Get Wise to Their Acts, Baits and Incessant Cruelties

Covert narcissists are among the most difficult to decipher. The can appear to be shy. They are excellent method actors, pretending to be your best friend. Covert Narcissists are magnanimous. They are always watching to get the inside track on you. Most people don’t notice any of these behaviors until these disguised enemies bare their sharp teeth.

Covert narcissists come on treacly, sugary, dependent, overprotective of you and caring. But you begin to notice here and there they are planting small digs at you. They dig and then come back to be your best friend, your confidante. They play the confidante role to the hilt. This is a big red flag. As you look carefully at the covert narcissist, they display no genuine empathy. If you recall clearly, you now know they wanted something from you from the beginning. They were obsessed with taking your power and putting themselves in your place.

Covert narcissists are incessantly cruel. They lie in the weeds. When you are the most vulnerable they strike with extended claws. Never share how you feel with a covert narcissist—that you are down, having to struggle emotionally or financially. They will find these times to demean and humiliate you. Once they have you where they want you the covert narcissist quickly discards you. They believe they’ve gotten rid of you and annihilated you. This pleases them. They are at the top of the heap; you are at the bottom. You now see them clearly with artifice or mask. They are incapable of genuine feelings or empathy. They are cold. They plot all of the time, using their cunning to stalk their human prey. Covert narcissists are highly competitive. They will fight you to the death psychologically. They are incredible competitors. Don’t let them get the better of you or any part of you. Learn about the narcissistic personality disorder in-depth. Assert your own power, mental steadiness and your sense of self entitlement. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissistic Mothers—Hundred Years War Against Their Daughters

Narcissistic mothers don’t stop the battles—even long after their daughters are fully grown. It is psychologically very painful to grow up as the daughter of a narcissistic mother. Being the small child of a narcissistic mother is a horror. I hear from adult daughters who have survived these childhoods of extreme deprivation and cruel unending abuse. The acrimony, cruelty and combativeness of the narcissistic mother continues throughout the adulthood of these women. Elder narcissistic mothers often carry on this malevolent abuse through narcissistic siblings who have colluded with them. If there is money involved, the narcissistic siblings close ranks against the non-narcissistic daughter. They spew malicious projections on to their victimized sibling(s). Sadly, some of these victimized daughters add to their pain by making overtures to the narcissistic mother. They cannot believe that a mother, their mother, doesn’t love them on any level. Some of them live in a state of shock, wondering what they have done to become the object of such cruelty. These daughters have done nothing wrong. They are dealing with a mother who suffers from a severe personality disorder.

If you are the adult daughter of a narcissistic mother, don’t expect her to change. This personality disorder is rigid and fixed. Narcissists believe that they are perfect, superior to others, even their children. Many narcissistic mothers believe that they are good parents. They accuse their daughters of being spoiled and ungrateful. Another tack is to flat out lie and call their own daughter(s) “crazy.” There are narcissistic mothers who spread malicious rumors of mental instability throughout the family and friends about their mentally unstable daughter(s).

For some adult daughters, a time of reckoning and decision comes. The accumulation of too much psychological pain, horrible distress, chronic self-doubt, deep sadness and confusion reaches a crisis point. There are daughters who reach a turning point and finally recognize that there is nothing they can do to change their narcissistic mothers, that they were and are not responsible nor should be blamed for this parent’s delusional thinking and complete lack of empathy. Some of these adult daughters make the decision to sever the “relationship” from their narcissistic mothers. They decide not to have any contact with these individuals.

Many of these daughters do the work of healing themselves. Some of them seek quality psychotherapy. They re-start their lives, recognizing that they are valuable individuals in their own right. They develop a sense of self entitlement. They grow in their renewed strength of their separate identities and the use of their creative gifts. They discover the inner peace they have been yearning for all of their lives. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissistic Stepmothers—Taking Dad Away

There are innumerable stepmothers who are wonderful parents. They do the hard work of raising the children after an ugly divorce or a situation in which the biological mother abandoned the children.

I am speaking about the narcissistic stepmother who purposely plots her way into the heart and mind of a man who has minor children. These women are on the alert for a vulnerable man. If he is a widower, all the better. No ex-wife to get in her way. This is often the case if the man has considerable wealth. I call these gals— One Bounce Women, meaning that the ink on the divorce papers is barely dry and they are presenting themselves as prospective playmates to these unsuspecting fellows. The narcissistic stepmother cleverly solidifies her powerful new role with the tried and true method —Sex! First she is friendly and warm and very understanding of this man who is going through a tough ordeal. Next, she works her way into becoming his indispensable confidant. Add a generous measure of brilliant sexual moves to the mix and he’s bagged.

Once the marriage is legally solidified, the stepmother breathes a luscious sigh. What next—dealing with the kids. Narcissists are gifted actors. When the marriage is new and everyone is on his/her good behavior, the stepmother displays a convincing devotion to his children. She is pleasant and courteous. She pretends to be interested in their social and school lives. Children under divorce circumstances are having a very difficult time adjusting to the fact that their parents are no longer married to one another. They may still feel shocked, confused and angry about this turn of events. When dad quickly remarries this adds to their psychological pain. Father is so carried away with his new love that his attention to the children flags. Kids pick up on his dismissiveness and distancing. They feel cheated and depressed. They’ve been replaced by a woman who is practically a stranger.

As the months and years pass by the stepmother’s narcissistic attributes come fully to the surface. She is duplicitous in her dealings—warm, seductive, pseudo empathic with her husband and cold, critical and emotionally threatening to the children. She achieves this two faced role with great cunning. Because she has such a tight grip on her husband (As far as he is concerned his wife can do no wrong) the father will not believe his own children when they tell him they are being treated cruelly. The stepmother’s psychological brainwashing on her spouse works like a charm. She continues to buttress her intimate relationship with this man. He’s a keeper—too much equity there and a great lifestyle to let go of it now.

Children under these conditions are suffering horribly. Sometimes they band together for emotional support. Some kids spend less and less time at home. They are often at friends’ houses where they feel welcome.
During the teenage years, it can get very derisive. Each time the dad sides with the stepmother, the child is left standing alone. In some cases children decide to live with the other parent and find a real home there. When no other parent is available, children leave the home early and make an effort to find their way solo or with friends. I have communication with adult children of narcissistic stepmothers who remember the ordeals they endured under her watch. They lost their childhoods and the deep caring and loving of a real father. Many of them still say that their narcissistic stepmother “took dad away” from them. Some of them go into psychotherapy to mourn the loss of the parent(s) and to deal with feelings of betrayal and abandonment.

The narcissistic stepmother has no pangs of conscience for alienating and in some instances destroying the relationship between the father and his children. She has won. When the children are grown, she will celebrate again. Some of these stepmothers repeat this pattern with more than one man. When the money is no longer forthcoming and she cannot fool her husband any longer, she moves ahead to find her next male trophy. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narc issists are Envious of You—You are Real—Narcissist is Fraudulent

Envy is an emotion that is not discussed openly. People are secretive about their envy—This is a feeling of resentment that an individual has about wanting to possess the qualities of another person or what they control and own. As they puff themselves with circulating narcissistic supplies: adulation, praise, social status, professional achievement–the narcissist holds his envy close. After all, he/she is perfect, unsurpassed. Why should he care about you and your petty achievements. Much of this envy is driven by his unconscious feelings of dark emotional emptiness. He has no resources to go inside himself and feel solid, secure and authentic. The narcissist is always competing with others to better them and defeat them. He views those who are perceived as more successful as his enemies. If they won’t capitulate to his will, he will obliterate those who stand in his way. These ruthless endeavors are played out in many divorce procedures where narcissists are involved.

Recognize that the narcissist is a vindictive human being who will not change. These individuals suffer from a severe personality disorder. Remove yourself from relationships with these individualsincluding family members, siblings, parents and spouses. This may mean divorcing a narcissist or separating from them permanently. No matter how many years, effort and time you have taken to improve your relationship with a narcissistic spouse, you are better off not colluding with this level of pathology. Wash you hands of these disturbed people so that you can be free to lead your own life, , expand and deepen your creative gifts and seek and achieve inner peace. To learn about the narcissisic personality disorder in-depth, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition

Narcissistic Men—Using Sexual Connections to Reach the Top

Narcissistic men and women are sexually predatory. There is a special kind of narcissist–very good looking, more cocksure confident than intellectually bright, silk smooth with women (especially wealthy ones) and a masterful seducer. The best set up for this man is a woman of great wealth several decades his senior. It doesn’t matter to him if she is married or single. All this narcissist needs to know is that she has plenty of money and he’s going to get ahold of it. This type of narcissistic man has been seducing women all of his life. He can’t count the number of young woman and older ones with whom he has had sex for minor and major rewards–from small favors and social privileges in the beginning to setting up business connections, leading to the highest levels of corporate power. The handsome, super confident risk taking narcissist knows one thing—He can meet, seduce and establish business alliances with women who become sexually and psychologically dependent and reward him with unlimited amounts of wealth. This is in exchange for his intimate services and his masterful role in becoming an indispensable part of this woman’s life. She wouldn’t make a move, especially a business decision without him. This method has been working for narcissistic men for centuries and continues to rake in hundreds of millions of dollars to male narcissists who are at the top of this ruthless game. Protect yourself psychologically, emotionally and financially by studying the narcissistic personality disorder in depth. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Psychological Detachment from Your Abusive Narcissistic Spouse

Narcissistic spouses are all abusive in one way or another. They operate in a climate of psychological intimidation. They have different communication styles. Some make constant demands. They expect to get what they want immediately on the spot. If they don’t receive the perfect solution or answer, they start screaming at the top of their lungs. Narcissists have very strong lungs and steel vocal cords. That could be because they have so much practice. Most spouses are very disturbed by these abusive non stop demands. The narcissist is not going to change. This is a severe fixed personality disorder. Some spouses believe that they can compromise with the narcissist. This is not going to happen. Narcissists are completely arbitrary. They must have it their way without exception.

While you are endeavoring to make a decision about staying with a narcissistic spouse or to leave them, learn how to psychologically detach from them. Focus on your own needs and develop a stronger sense of self entitlement. Work with yourself. Learn to calm your body and mind. This can be done with certain practices like gentle hatha yoga and forms of meditation–sitting and walking meditation. Learning to quiet the mind through a regular practice strengthens your capacity to experience yourself as separate from the narcissist. You learn to go deep inside by consistent practice. Consistency is the key. Dedication and discipline work alongside intention to gain all of the benefits of these practices. As the capacity to quiet your mind strengthens and steadies, you will find that you are more in tune with yourself and much less vulnerable to the theatrics and ruses of the narcissistic spouse. These ancient practices are highly applicable today in developing a sense of steadiness and psychological detachment and increase your capacity for mindfulness and clarity of focus. To learn about the narcissistic personality disorder in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
E

Narcissistic Mothers-Their Children Are Narcissistic Supplies

The narcissistic mother, especially those who overpower their spouse and everyone in the household with the force of her will, treats her children like narcissistic supplies. Narcissistic mothers enhance their grandiosity and overblown sense of omnipotence by using their children to enhance their bloated egos and the elaborate false mask that they show the world. Most people outside of these highly dysfunctional homes would never guess or believe that these mothers are abusing their children. Some narcissistic mothers play their parts so well that other family members living outside the home believe their well rehearsed act. Narcissistic mothers often cast their children in different roles. Many choose a child who will become a perfect mirror of the narcissistic mother. The chosen child is often very bright, can be gifted musically, has athletic skills and is very attractive or pretty. Mother is entranced with this child. She has found the perfect vision of herself in this being to whom she has given birth. This child is adored by her over all of her other children. The others siblings are treated very differently. Often there is a sensitive kid who endures volumes of verbal abuse and assault to his person. She/he is told that she is ugly, can never measure up, is deficient, etc. This cruel theme is repeated daily to this child and has very negative effects on this individual’s psyche. Even those who are “chosen” , though privileged and allowed to do whatever they want, including being cruel to their brothers and sisters, are forced to become a perfect clone of the mother. They are human puppets who must dance to her choreography—They are living narcissistic supplies.

Narcissistic mothers as they grow older continue these cruel practices, turn one child against the other, causing psychological chaos and emotional damage. Those who are victims of these non-mothers try to survive the best they can. Even into adulthood, victims of narcissistic mother’s abuse are still suffering the tortures of childhood. At some point many of these adult children decide that they must sever this “relationship” with mother to reclaim their own lives and their unique selves. They stop contact with the narcissistic mother. They seek the support of others who understand their suffering and are there to comfort them and help them heal. Human beings are resilient when provided with good psychological nourishment. Many of these scapegoated children, free from the narcissistic mother gulag, discover their creative gifts, find that they are able to have deep loving relationships and find inner peace inside of themselves. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Sociopathic Narcissists-Too Powerful to Be Held Accountable for Their Sexual Treacheries

In many ways we still live in a patriarchal society despite the tremendous inroads that provide equal opportunities in education and professional options to women not possible decades ago.

There are still some areas where narcissistic men are given a pass to do whatever they want. Remember the phrase “too big to fail”. We can say about these men that they are “too important and powerful to be held accountable for any of their actions, even serious crimes.” Unfortunately, there are too many men and women who defend these narcissistic dangerous human beings. These exploiters are often high level sociopath narcissists in professional positions of the highest power. Many people revere them because of their amassed wealth, their global connections and influence and the real and palpable influence that they hold over others. Everyone wants to be on this man’s team, by his side as a marital partner. Their followers are bathed in the unction that the world pours on them.

Some of these men have committed the horrendous crime of raping women. Yes—No one wants to talk about that one.Often sociopathic narcissists brutalize women whom they view as below their social, educational and economic class. They know that they can get away with the sexual assaults because the victims will be frightened to charge them and if charged they will experience ridicule and full frontal bombardment from the narcissist’s defense dream team. They have defended sociopathic narcissists before and gotten most of them off—even on the most heinous charges.

Some of these men rape their wives for years. The victims speak out only to friends who will hold their dark secrets. They remain married to these husbands from hell because they feel worthless, powerless and don’t want to disrupt the image of the family they believe they must uphold.

Woman and men who see through the delusion of the sociopathic narcissist must speak up on a variety of fronts: ethical, legal, social, moral, psychological. Identify and unmask the sociopathic narcissist. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book; Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Covert Narcissists-Their Devious Traps and Snares

Covert narcissists on their game are so smooth, you don’t realize you have been psychologically mugged until it is too late. The covert narcissist is a genius at putting you off guard. The conversation begins pleasantly. There are easy verbal exchanges at first. You become spontaneous with this person. You are on a roll and having a good time. Then, without any warning, come the precision cuts with a very sharp instrument the primitive projections of the the covert narcissist.

Different covert narcissists have perfected different styles for ambushing you and making you feel worthless, incompetent, anxious,confused, unsure of yourself, emotionally hurt and ultimately very angry. There are who appear to ask innocent questions. They want to get to know you. You start to get comfortable with them. You let down your defenses. They start to ask personal questions beyond what kind of work do you do. How much do you make. What are the taxes on your house. How much did it cost to re-do your kitchen, how much money do you have in the bank,how are your stocks doing and which ones do you have, what are they worth, do you have any illnesses, are you divorced, single, between marriages, and on and on. It never stops. Covert narcissists have no psychological boundaries, no respected or awareness of the feelings of others.When they find a sore spot they probe more deeply. You are now becoming more and more uncomfortable and anxious but you feel compelled to answer them.You are afraid they will become angry with you. You are being overwhelmed by the force of their personality. They view themselves as supreme controllers. Your private information give them a feeling of power over you that they can use to manipulate your feelings.

Another covert narcissist style is the Humble Bragger. They are clever and subtle asking about how you are first. You tell them, believing that they are sincere. They have mastered the sincerity act. They seem to be humble, very interested in you. They offer you bouquets of compliments and hang on your every word. After you have revealed yourself, they go into their Can You Top This Mode. They brag about how much money they make, the important people they know personally and with whom they are connected both professionally and socially. One phone call will get them any job they want at the highest levels. They attend parties with the creme de la creme of the inner circles of the A list people. (These are usually Super Narcissists). With all of this bragging they are inflating themselves and clearly implying that you don’t have anything of value to offer. They have flipped you over like a spider that can’t make himself upright with all of his efforts. They leave you doubting yourself, feeling “less than” , frustrated with yourself and angry.
Learn to recognize these narcissists in disguise. They are very subtle. Most people don’t recognize them. Be assertive with them. Don’t answer their questions. You can say: I don’t answer personal questions. Stick with your answer. Study the narcissistic personality disorder, recognizing that this is another version that you can learn to identify. Keep your distance from them if you can. If you have to interact with them, keep reminding yourself of who they really are —–They are worse than wolves in sheep’s clothing. They can be downright diabolical.

Practice quieting the mind through meditation in the way that works best for you. Keep tuning into your intuition. This capacity will reveal their true nature to you. Practice gentle yoga with emphasis on the breath. Meditation develops clear mental discernment and detachment from toxic individuals. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

How Many Times Will You Be Re-Cycled by the Narcissist

For thousands of years women have been used, abused, cycled and re-cycled by narcissistic men. They are girlfriends, ex-girlfriends, first wives, second wives, third wives, etc. ex-wives. A narcissist will use you any time you are of benefit to him for varieties of reasons. Maybe you have access to money–your own or through your family. Are you highly visible socially and well connected. Do you have high prestige as a professional. Are you beautiful. Do you have a prominent family. Are you dependent on men and willing to do anything to make them happy—even compromising your entire life. I hear these stories all of the time and it is heartbreaking.

Narcissists are super exploiters—They don’t have relationships with women–They use them to the hilt at every opportunity. Many woman know this but are beguiled by a particular narcissistic man and the lifestyle that he promises. Do you realizes that while he is slathering it on thick with you, he is thinking of several other women on whom he will use this same script. Yes it is like being in a play. Narcissists never take the feelings of others seriously. They don’t care if you are hurt and abandoned. You—Unique You– are easily replaceable to the narcissist. As long as he looks great, is potent, feels money flush, and is turning heads and getting ahead and toppling others in business–that’s all he cares about. This is the raw truth about the narcissist. Once you know this, take it to heart and spare yourself a lot of suffering.

Lead the life that you deserve. Choose a man who is up to your standards–someone capable of love, affection, emotional intimacy. Strengthen yourself so that you are not inclined to fall for this kind of infantile, selfish, deceitful man ever again. I wish you the very best. I have faith in you. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder in-depth, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife