Narcissistic Personality - The Narcissist In Your Life

High Level Male Narcissists – Size Matters

You’ve heard the expression “Size matters.” In this case I am talking about high level narcissist’s:

Expanding egos, outrageous sense of entitlement, multiple stock and asset portfolios, number of homes, yachts, vacation homes, private jets, helicopters, vintage cars, outrageous salaries and bonuses. I understand that some of the receivers of these obscene amounts of money are now whining because some people have publicized that they are being unfair to customers by charging extra fees at their banks. Can you imagine how anyone would have the hubris to complain and moan about this. Well, believe it. High level narcissists are always surprising to those who are not narcissists. I see a lot of “narcissists in training” these days. They fawn over high level narcissists who are left unaccountable in any legal or moral way, who help themselves to obscene payoffs while those whom they harm, in the millions, are left behind, grabbing for crumbs or to lick the bottom of a dry bowl.

I hear from the spouses of high level narcissists. Some are willing to make the deal with the devil and stay married to them because they are afraid of being on their own, are more delusional than they think and have become too accustomed to the lifestyle to give it up. Others are desperately trying to gather up the courage and knowledge to leave these psychopathological nightmares. Some make the break and sever the marriage and get back their real lives. They have great courage and resolve. Many of them report that it was the best decision they have ever made.

What matters is quality—-of your kindness, empathy, use of your creative gifts, support of friends and family members who need your help now. And what about the people you meet who through no fault of their own are without any kind of support—financial, psychological, medical or otherwise. Fortunately, I have heard from exceptional people who are moving along spiritually—-They think about those who are suffering and how they can help to alleviate that pain; they think about living more simply; they care deeply about how we are destroying Nature with collective greed; they think about contributing to the quality of their lives and the lives of others. Make yourself heard. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation:United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: [email protected]

Identify Covert Narcissists-Show Them the Door

Covert narcissists are among the most difficult to recognize. They have such a smooth act going that they have been practicing all of their lives. How can someone who is so self-effacing and self critical, be such a louse. That’s because they have learned to play so many roles with great skill. Some of them are: “I’m helpless and need you desperately.” “You are the most wonderful person I have ever met. I don’t deserve you.” “I want you to be my mentor; I look up to you.” “You are so great; I want to be just like you.” “I have fallen in love with you and can’t let you go.” That last one is one of the best if we can admit it.

First, take time to research in depth all of the facets of the narcissistic personality disorder. Beneath the well faked humility, the covert narcissist possesses all of these traits. He/she may not be grandiose and they usually aren’t. But they feel superior to others, are self absorbed, deceitful, manipulative, chronic liars and exploitive without a pinch of empathy.

Especially if you are very attracted to this person, hold off on your impulses to get more intimate and take a long view and a microscopic look at this individual. It is well worth your effort and time. You will spare yourself a lot of misery not getting caught up in the narcissistic web. Always use your intuition. If you are finely tuned to it, they will give themselves away. Be patient and highly discerning. I wish you the very best. I know you will prevail. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon and amazon kindle editionEmail: [email protected]

Use Your Intuition-No Contact with Narcissist

You have been suffering from breaking up and going back with your narcissistic ex for years. You know the pattern. You don’t him see or hear from him in several months after one of your many partings. He calls; you are hooked again. I communicate with a number of women who are trapped in this repetitious pattern. Many of them have been married to narcissists. Each time they resume the relationship, they believe that this time it is all going to work. Narcissists are not capable of loving or being loyal with other human beings. They have a serious personality that is not going to change. They are false selves, often with an irresistible facade. Most people fall for this and believe that the persona is the real person. This is not the case.

Instead of repeating a psychological pattern that is harmful to you, use your intuition—listen to this voice of wisdom within you—. When the narcissist makes contact or you feel the need to call, email or text him, listen to your intuition say no. Intuitive messages move through us very quickly. We learn to be attuned to them. This is a great gift. The more consistently you use intuition the more finely tuned it becomes. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: [email protected]

Marital Counseling with Narcissistic Spouses-Taking a Big Chance

Many men and women marry narcissists without knowing the truth about their personality structures. This is not surprising. Narcissists appear to have it all—the image of physical attractiveness, smooth social skills, charm, even charisma combined with great self confidence. What’s not to fall for. In the beginning the narcissist is very attentive to the partner he/she has chosen. Many of these masterful manipulators bend to your every wish, even anticipating what you want before you ask for it. They are lavish in their attention and giving. As time moves on, the emotional scene changes and you notice how demanding, perfectionistic, cunning and deceptive they are. For many spouses a time comes when the non-narcissistic spouse has reached a point where she can no longer tolerate marriage to this self absorbed unempathic partner. Some spouses want to save the marriage. They unwittingly believe that they are dealing with a normal person—someone who is willing to go into therapy with the best intentions and try to sort out the mutual and individual issues that will improve their marriage. This happens frequently and doesn’t have a favorable result.

It is your decision to enter couples therapy. My clinical experience has been that narcissists believe that they are superior, have no imperfections, that problems with the marriage belong to their partner. They will either refuse to go to therapy or if they do will sabotage the process. In some cases, they persuade the therapist to take their side. That’s the cunning of the narcissistic personality disorder.

Rather than trying to fix or change your narcissistic spouse, it would be more helpful to you, if you are seeking therapy, find an excellent counselor and see them one on one. It is important that this professional has studied narcissistic personality disorder in depth and has counseled many spouses who are married to these individuals. Think about your emotional and psychological welfare first and that of your children. There are solutions. They may not preserve the marriage but they will help you to reclaim your life, your emotional and psychological well being. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissists-Big Hypocrites Concealing Their True Natures

Most Narcissists are obsessed with their image—impeccable physical appearance, professional reputations, societal standing, important connections, their superiority and their need to have others look upon them as wonderful human beings. Narcissists put on such convincing acts that they deceive professional observers like psychotherapists, attorneys and judges.

I have been in communication with family members of narcissists who are shocked at split in the narcissist’s presentation of himself in the world and in his private life. Those inside his charmed circle are entranced with this man or woman who appears to be capable of achieving anything he puts his mind to. These accomplishments are often built up by the narcissist, putting himself in the role of leader and hero. Narcissists are gifted story tellers. They can spin yarns that are full of holes, exaggeration and made from whole cloth and audiences will be hanging on their every word. Narcissists often take credit for the achievements of others.

In private, narcissists act with malicious cruelty, withering ongoing criticism and a steel fist attitude about controlling their family members. Some spouses, siblings and children of narcissists are treated with great disrespect. Many narcissists are never home and lead secret lives with their mistresses and girlfriends.

After years of leading a very stressful life with a narcissist many partners simply cannot carry on this charade any longer. When you awaken and discover that you are married to an ultimate hypocrite who is incapable of loving anyone but himself, it’s time to take stock. Even if you have known this person for years , he is still criticizing you constantly, wearing down your nervous system and your will and any sense of optimism.

If you want to be free of this dreadful hypocrite, you have a decision to make—to stay or leave. This individual is never going to improve. You can change your life and make it a lot better by letting go of the burden of sharing it with this impossible individual. You now know that these men and women are hypocrites to the max. You are genuine and authentic and deserve to lead a life free from this rigid, deeply pathological personality disorders. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissistic Vengeance Has No Boundaries

Narcissists are very different from those who do not suffer from this personality disorder. On the surface, in social and business settings they appear to be competent, sociable, even brilliant and innovative. Most people are fooled by narcissists. There is a dark side of the narcissist that is concealed from his public image and act.
This appears most often in private with his spouse, children and other family members. His fangs also come out with business associates who have gained on him. He/she will do anything to maintain and enhance his his power and financial moves up to the headiest levels, This can mean that he will purposely defame, create whole cloth lies about an associate’s private life that smear his personal reputation and cast doubt on his mental and psychological adequacy. If the narcissist has access to the prospective victim’s superiors and is convincing in his lies to those at the top, there is a good chance that he will threaten the associate’s current professional position and jeopardize his opportunities in the future.

Narcissists often seek revenge, especially in marital situations that have gone sour. They will insist on having full custody of children they don’t love and never wanted in the first place because they are furious with the other spouse. They want revenge and find the cruelest ways to perpetrate these psychological crimes. A narcissist will use their court fights for custody of their children to emotionally harm their spouses.The narcissist is merciless in his willingness to instigate lies, destroy reputations, taint your personal life so that he can get back of you. He wants to continue to use his children to demonstrate that he is a perfect, responsible father who is the better parent. Mediators, attorneys, judges and therapists in some instances are duped into believing the narcissist’s lies and accusations. Find the best attorney you can. So often women are sabotaged by choosing a lawyer who is not up to this level of battle and the toxic quality of the deceit that the narcissist is willing to use against his now enemy.

Prepare for these circumstances by understanding every facet of the narcissistic personality. Know that they are unlimited in the tricks and deceptions that they will pull. Be ready for them with your knowledge. Practice centering yourself through yoga, meditation and having a special support group. Interview as many attorneys as you need to so that you will choose someone who is up to this battle. This professional must be masterful at family law but also have a deep understanding of how narcissists operate and know that there isn’t anything they will not pull. The attorney must be contained, composed, highly professional with excellent people skills as well as keen intuition. He or she must be fair to you in charging what is fair. That tells you about the quality of his/her character.

Strengthen yourself on every level with cardiovascular exercise, walking, gentle yoga, meditation practice, other forms of healing modalities. Be positive and ask for internal guidance, especially the power of your intuition. Remain steady. Be kind to yourself. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon and amazon kindle edition
Email: [email protected]

Narcissists Use Shock to Control You

Narcissists are predictably unpredictable. Even clinicians who have researched and studied the narcissistic personality disorder for years, at times find their outrageous tactics to be shocking. There are no limits to the emotional, financial and psychological chaos that they purposely cause. Just when you think you have a handle on a particular narcissist, he/she will give you the shock treatment. You think a divorce is final after fifteen yours. The papers are signed, the judge has gone home, the witnesses have retired, you are exhausted —guess what? They’re back! With another demand, accusation, recrimination, filthy bag of lies. The more you learn in depth about the narcissistic personality disorder the less you will be dismayed, disappointed and hurt by the narcissist’s disgusting trickery.

One of your best offenses is to develop a strong sense of yourself as separate from this individual and psychological boundaries that must be respected at all times. Learning to quiet the mind through walking or sitting meditation is an excellent way to gain a sense of detachment from the constant dramas that these individuals initiate. You are in charge of your life. You are no longer dancing to their tune. You don’t jump when they speak nor are you afraid of the narcissist anymore. Become accustomed and appreciate the real you that has always been there. Give yourself credit for this transformation. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Don’t Let Narcissists Exploit You—Take Charge of Yourself and Your Life

It is easy, almost automatic to be impressed with individuals who have the full package–confidence, affability, smooth social graces, a convincing act that they are genuinely interested in you. I am speaking about narcissistic personality disorders who are on the fast track to power and success. They are so clever at attracting the exact people they need to make them successful and powerful. Many of them begin by marrying a person who has all of the right qualities and connections that will lead them to their highly ambitious goals.

Many individuals are ensnared in the narcissist’s net. They are enchanted by this unique human being who has no sense of limits, who conjures up large concepts, who is fearless and supremely confident. Many remain under the spell of the narcissist despite the control he/she places on their lives. Narcissists create a magic around them that fools most of those close to them. They are famous for making big promises that often don’t come to fruition. If you live with a narcissist you are being exploited. Your time is not your own. The narcissist is making continuing impossible demands on you that create overwhelming stress. Your life is being used by the narcissist to exploit every aspect of your person. These individuals attempt to take over your life and in many cases they succeed. Some spouses falter physically and psychologically under the constant demands, manipulations, outrageous intimidations that are laid at your feet by the narcissist. The narcissist is basically communicating to his partner—-either you do it my way or you’re out of the picture. I can easily find someone else. Some of those who communicate with me feel as if the narcissist is trying to steal their soul or what they call the most sacred part of themselves.

Remember you have alternatives. Regardless of the number of years you have been captive to the narcissist, you have the option to sever this pathological relationship and take charge of your own life. You are entitled to lead a life that is full of hope, serenity, use of your creative gifts, spontaneous self expression, laughter and joy. I have heard some heartening stories from those who have taken these steps. They are grateful that they took back their lives as individuals. They are unencumbered and free. They feel greater emotional security, hopefulness about the present and future and deep inner peace. Visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissistic Rage Harms Spouses and Children

“The force of narcissistic rage is cataclysmic, designed to leave no survivors. The timing of its eruptions is unpredictable. There is no chance to escape and run for cover. The victim feels invaded even assaulted. The aftermath causes emotional pain and devastation.” (From Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life by Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.)

Step Out of the Narcissist’s Delusional World Now

“The narcissist lives in an intricate world of his making dominated by inflated illusions of self importance. His style is grandiose—like some peacock or wild turkey with feathers in full display…Experiencing himself at the center of life like a sun surrounded by encircling planets, the narcissist believes that everything flows from him.” (From:
Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life). You are “real” to the narcissist and defined by what you can achieve for him not who you are. The narcissist expects you to follow his lead and stroke his ego. Your independent thought is foreign to him and considered inferior.

Narcissists run cold about the feelings of others, especially spouses and children. If you are upset, never expect to be comforted. The narcissist may make a few noises in your direction but then he’s off to his own pursuits. To get along with a narcissist you are expected to share his delusions of greatness at the same time that you ignore the devastating psychological effects of the harm you are enduring. Eventually, the non-narcissistic spouse may recognize that this is not a genuine relationship. Quite often there is a painful back and forth vacillation that occurs. The injured spouse decides to take the narcissist back, even re-marries him and has additional children only to find out that this person has not changed. The narcissist becomes even more manipulative and ruthless, leading to a serious personal crisis for the non-narcissist. Narcissists walk blithely away from the emotional chaos they have created. They are bored with all of the “theatrics” of their spouses, their “overreactions.” Often they have someone else who has already replaced the psychologically abused spouse. Many narcissists abandon their children, figuring that it is much easier to produce some new ones with someone else.

Learn to identify in depth the specific characteristics of the narcissistic personality—their quirks, tricks, games, ruses and understand that it is not worth giving your life to someone who is absolutely incapable of emotional intimacy or empathy and will not change. If you are already in a marital situation with a narcissist that is causing havoc in your life, seriously consider severing this “relationship.” Think clearly about the steps you need to take to maintain your emotional and psychological stamina. Remind yourself that you deserve to lead a life that belongs to you that gives you every opportunity to use your creative gifts, to make decisions freely, to experience inner peace and, yes, joy. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com