Tag: narcissistic abuse

Some victims of narcissistic parents–mother or father or both, blame themselves for not being perfect. They live the guilt of not meeting their parents’ expectations. These demands and expectations on the part of narcissistic parents are delusional. Even if you had reached perfection by their standards it would never have satisfied them. As the child of a narcissistic mother or father you remember that making your greatest efforts to satisfy their demands and wishes was never enough. You were criticized, demeaned and humiliated. Even when you had straight A’s in school they chided you for not participating in enough extracurricular activities or being alone. It was always something. They would always finding a way of pulling you down.

Many victims of narcissistic parents still feel haunted by feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness as a result of innumerable verbal assaults on them as children and adults. Some of these adult children make the decision to sever their relationship from the narcissistic parent. They cannot and will no longer tolerate this level of verbal abuse and their collusion with other relatives to ruin your reputation with others.

You have a unique individual life that belongs to you–You are many talents and gifts that you can use to enrich your life. You have opportunities for loving relationships with those who will care deeply about you and love you for yourself. Think about this—You can be free. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: [email protected]

Narcissists watch out for number one–themselves. Remember, in the back of their minds they know they can replace you with someone else. They have those in reserve who worship at their altar. Narcissists are incapable of emotional intimacy. They are highly gifted at playing the role of the deeply caring, highly engaged and smitten partner. In the early stages of a romance, the dice are hot. They are feeling very attracted to you and it is mutual. This is the chemistry phase which is very exciting and addictive. Having a handsome, compelling, bright, seductive narcissistic man come on to you like you are the most precious living thing on the planet is an absolute thrill that reverberates throughout your system. You become obsessed with being with him all of the time. And you interpret that the feelings are mutual. For a while they might be. But this is transient for the narcissist. Once the pull of the initial sexual chemistry has run its course, he is going to move on. The problem is that you have fallen in love with this man and want to share your life with him. You are willing to do anything to keep this ecstatic mode going. Meanwhile, he has cooled off. You are in denial because you are not aware of the duplicitous nature of the narcissistic personality. I have heard too many life stories of women (and men) who are caught in this spiral of obsession. They become psychologically fused and forget that their own life matters.

I say don’t go over the Falls for a narcissist. Pull yourself back from the edge before you have to go through the suffering that these individuals cause by simply throwing people away. Remember they are incapable of love. You are—-and are entitled to have a genuine, intimate emotional and psychological union with someone who is worthy of you. To protect yourself, study the narcissistic personality in-depth. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: [email protected]

Narcissistic mothers know that they are superior to everyone else, especially their daughters. If you are the daughter you felt your mother appraising you very early and finding you wanting. She picked away at your self confidence. Her tone of voice was demeaning. She never approved of you. You may have been beautiful, bright, talented or not unusual on the exterior. This would not have mattered. She was in competition with you from the beginning. Some narcissistic mothers resent how much attention the her husband, the new father,is giving to his baby daughter. If the bond is loving and close, she becomes incensed. As you grow she tells lies about you, enunciating long lists of your many transgressions and cruelties. Your narcissistic mom lied about you all of the time. She wished that you never existed. You were her immediate rival for dad’s attention and the entire world. In private these mothers humiliate, intimidate and terrorize their daughters, seeking submission and blind obedience. In many cases they achieve this. The daughter is psychologically immobilized and unable to activate her gifts. She is frightened all of the time that mother will take revenge if she reveals her real self or speaks openly about her feelings. The homes of these daughters become prisons–at times a form of solitary confinement.

When daughters of narcissistic mothers grow up and become teenagers and young women, the NM vies for the attention of the young men who come to visit. She may even become seductive with the daughter’s male friends and proposition them. In some ugly scenes the young fellow goes along and has a sexual fling with the narcissistic mom. The humiliation and horror of discovering your mother’s breach of morality and her complete betrayal of her maternal role is emotionally intolerable. The narcissistic mother has no conscience–when she wants something or someone, she goes after it. This woman is a narcissistic personality who is not going to change. Think carefully about your options. You can sever this pathological relationships. Study the narcissistic personality in-depth.Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: [email protected]

The sooner you recognize a narcissist whether it is a prospective spouse or a member of your family the better. I have been noticing recently the facial expressions that narcissists often make. One in particular is the phony smile and the hollow laugh. The mouth turns up but it is forced.. The eyes don’t contain any feeling. With a genuine smile the entire face–eyes and mouth especially light up and create a dynamic sense of joy, of letting go, of aliveness and humor. The true smile engages us. We become at one with the person who is offering it to us. There is a deep communication that takes place when a wonderful person lays a special smile on us. We feel it deeply and it resonates inside of us for a long time.

The narcissist is a false self, incapable of being genuine. It makes sense that he/she is not able to express himself with a real smile.

Babies smile very early–even in the first weeks of their lives. Their eyes engage us and their tiny rose bud mouths spread beautifully to communicate their joy. This is a precious gift. I always feel so grateful when a baby chooses to smile at me. I feel that life is better in that moment and I treasure it.

Watch for the fake forced smile and the hollow laugh of the narcissist. They give themselves away every time. To learn about many other attributes of the narcissistic personality, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com?

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: [email protected]

So many adult children of narcissistic mothers and/or fathers hold on to their suffering—not on purpose but unconsciously because that has been their reality all of their lives. From the time they could barely walk and talk they were psychologically bruised and bloodied by the narcissistic parent. Every day there was a new accusation, a criticism that cut through to the bone, a smirk that said: “You are worthless; I wish you had never been born.” “Why can’t you be like your brilliant older sister who gets all A’s.” “You have an uneven nose and thin lips. We’ll have to take you to a plastic surgeon later on so you don’t embarrass the family.”

“Sometimes you smell; it disgusts me.” And on and on—an endless road of insults that wound the heart and shake the nerves. Yet you have survived this gulag of abuse. That is a great accomplishment and you have done it with you humanity intact.

Know that you have a right to heal—-completely. You can disengage yourself from all of the cruel, malicious blows of your narcissistic parent. You don’t have to carry these burdens any longer. Begin by recognizing that although you share the DNA of your narcissistic parent, you are a separate individual. You are entitled to develop all of your talents and gifts fully. You are entitled to feel a deep inner peace and a love for yourself. You are entitled to be healthy in body, mind and spirit. You have a separate life that is precious. You are entitled to resurrect your humor, the sing when you feel happy, to embrace others, to be spontaneous, to live fully in this moment. Some children of narcissistic parents benefit from psychotherapy.Do the research and make sure that your therapist is highly trained, devoted to her/his clients and very empathic. Make sure you don’t sense a money motive and especially check it out to rule out a narcissistic psychotherapist. They are out there, victimizing vulnerable clients. There are many healing pathways. Find the ones that work for you–gentle yoga, meditation, support groups, creative endeavors that put you in touch with the unlimited use of your imagination. Some form of exercise is very valuable in keeping your body strong, your nerves quiet and your mind clear. Become aware of the precious moment: the tiny sound of the hummingbird over your head–greeting you, the wind wafting through your nostrils, the full smile of a happy baby, the warm hug of a friend, the moon at night darting in and out of the clouds. the lake of stars above like a diamond tiara—-endless moments of beauty. You can and will heal. To learn about the narcissistic personality, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: [email protected]

You notice the smooth talk that focuses on you alone, the penetrating gaze, the over-confident vibe, the irresistible physicality. You were seduced in style. He anticipated everything you always wanted. You never thought you would deserve such a catch. The sexual chemistry was incendiary. Like the pull of a strong tide, you couldn’t move away from him. In the first minutes, he had you. Your thoughts swirled and went askew. A small voice kept saying: this is too fast, be careful, watch out. But this voice is a tiny wail in a thunderous ocean of sound. Your temple pulses rush; your legs wobble. There is quick rising pleasure as you acquiesce to his presence. He wants to take you out. You say No at first, followed by your confusion and then Yes. This is the beginning of a relationship that seems magical–out of this world but will turn worse than ugly.

The courtship is fast and dizzying, a wild giddy ride of sensual appetites satiated and thrilling promises. You get married and know that this is the best moment of your life. For a while life is a living fantasy of having every need and want fulfilled. As the days move into months you notice subtle shifts in his behavior toward you. He becomes less attentive. He finds your questions about him intrusive and you hear the sharpness in his tone of voice. He spends vast amounts of time with his “investments”. You don’t know about his career other than something vague about a private investment fund that he owns and runs for clients. Clint spends less and less time with you. He is out late and doesn’t call. On occasion he is gone all night. “I had to meet an important client at the airport and it got to late.” That’s the kind of excuse he gave. You swallowed them but there was a doubt in your mind now. “I don’t think you can trust this person” it kept saying.

One night very late, he comes home and he is very pissed off. One of his deals fell through and he is in a fury. You try to help him talk through it. He grabs you by the arm, digging his fingers sharply and painfully into you. “This is none of your business. Shut up!” “If you keep talking, I’ll slam you against the wall, I promise.” You are shocked and terrified. Keep quiet, the frightened child’s voice says to you. Clint becomes more evasive and absent from home. He gets telephone calls late at night. He moves into the other room so you can’t hear him. One day you notice that he has withdrawn $50,000 from your bank account. You have put his name on your private account. Clint glibly makes excuses and promises to pay you back in a week. This never happens. Now you are very suspicious but afraid to confront him. After months of this destructive pattern of his behavior and your misery and horror (you can’t sleep at night and have headaches constantly) you tell a friend what is really going on. Fortunately, she helps you find a good therapist. The therapeutic work is painful but healing. You finally recognize that this man whom you have loved is highly disturbed—a sociopath. You discover with research that he has a long history of taking advantage of women financially and sexually. You choose an excellent Divorce attorney and make a detailed plan to leave. You don’t give a clue to Clint about your plans. During a weekend when he is heavily into a “Business Deal” you leave without a trace. You have chosen an excellent divorce attorney. All communications take place through the attorneys. One fine day the divorce is final. You have extricated yourself from an ultimate nightmare marriage to a sociopath. Not all life stories of marriages to sociopaths end as well as this one. Learn everything possible about the sociopathic personality and the narcissistic personality. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your LifeEmail: [email protected]