Surrounded by Narcissists—Let Your Light Shine

There are many extraordinary human beings who grew up in narcissistic families. Mother, father, sisters, brothers, in-laws, grandparents—every pattern imaginable exists. This is one of the most difficult family constellations for a growing child. In some cases there are surrogate parents in the form of a brother, sister, aunt, grandparent, who provides a sense of acceptance, affection and being cared for. In others the child grows up very isolated, believing that this family is the only reality. Other children see through the charade early and learn to maneuver through their own lives by keeping themselves almost invisible, pretending to go along with the narcissistic family delusion, while maintaining their own sense of reality. Some children escape into books, spend a lot of time at the homes of friends, learn a great deal from their teachers, use their imaginations for creative purposes and insulate themselves from the pathology that surrounds them.

At some point the children in narcissistic families discover that the people who”raised” them were unable to be genuine. As narcissists they lived as false often grandiose selves. Getting in touch with the real self is not possible for the narcissist. Children in these families are often highly favored as special and superior. Many of them become narcissists and repeat the family pattern.

Those who step out and separate and individuate from the narcissistic family of origin take a monumental passage forward to re-acquaint themselves with their true selves and all of their special gifts, talents and energies that they have concealed from themselves for so long. One of the purposes we are here on earth is to manifest our creative gifts in the special form it takes in each individual. The maxim–“Let your light shine” is a wise one and essential to leading whole, healing and triumphant lives. You may be surprised at how many of your creative gifts you have left lying fallow. Many are amazed at the rich capacities that they have deep within them. The other part of your healing is in sharing what you have learned with others. There are so many people who feel trapped by the narcissistic each family constellation. Some of those who are now living in the freedom of the light communicate their journeys in various forms–writing, art, being active in support groups.

We celebrate your perseverance through this process and the emergence of your real self that has been waiting all of your life to become the person you were meant to be. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life