I know of a number of cases, especially during custody disputes when the narcissistic husband (or wife) turns sadistic and gains pleasure and narcissistic supplies by threatening to take your children away from you. In some instances he/she succeeds because he/she has the financial resources and the charm and raw confidence to persuade mediators and judges that he is the better parent. This man or woman doesn’t give a damn about the welfare of your children. He is out for revenge because he gets pleasure from watching you suffer. The narcissist builds a strong case in the role of the “good mother” or “good father.”” He/she spreads lies about you and may even turn your family members against you.
Arm yourself with as much in-depth information as you can about the narcissistic personality. Make sure that you have a very savvy attorney who specializes in family law and is unintimidated going up against the narcissist. He or she will have hired a barracuda of a lawyer who is out to win despite any human cost.
Go into battle fully armed with knowledge about the narcissistic personality. You need to know this person a whole lot better than they know themselves. Take good care of yourself during this process and beyond it. Keep your eye on the prize—getting your life back after the narcissist. Lead the life that you have always deserved—filled with warmth, authenticity, the full use of your creative gifts and the freeing of your spontaneous spirit.
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Comment: From jodie
I went through a divorce that should have killed me. I was almost annihilated by my N…however, the N was not my soon to be ex…It was my cold blooded, covert N…my own mother. She took my ex’s side and as usual, did everything she could to make sure they would win. She told horrible lies to anyone who would listen about how she had personal knowledge that I was sexually abusing my children. She turned my entire family against me, she told bold faced lies to social workers, teachers and judges…then sat back and watched with glee as my whole world collapsed. She was even able to talk relatives into lying about me and spreading rumors and gossip. I was absolutely floored when two of my neighbors came to me and told me my mother and step father were going door to door on my block telling people to keep their children away from me because I was a violent child predator. Fast forward to present day. My hell was 30 years ago…30 years and I still suffer daily from what this evil, vicious woman did to me. I still have open wouds that will never heal. The children she ended up taking from me still have nothing to do with me as she convinced them long ago that I was a sexual pervert. My daughter especially will never talk to me because she believes that my mother was telling the truth when she told the judge that I raped her with a pacifier when she was one month old. Mean while my very disturbed mother enjoys everything that should have been mine…grandchildren, christmas, easter, birthdays, hell!!! She even gets MY mothers day!! I struggle and pray daily for the strength to get out of bed because this kind of thing never ends. May she rot in hell someday!
Comment: From Michelle
My husband went through this type of custody battle with his ex girlfriend. She had worked with lawyers in the past and was very savvy with the rules of the game. Her entire goal was to keep his children from him all because he was in a relationship with me. We started dating shortly after their split and she was out for blood. I endured endless volatile phone calls at all hours, death threats and her stalking me at my home and place of employment. If I didn’t love him so much I would have ran for the hills. She was one creepy woman. She had his lawyer wrapped around her finger and it was one thing after another. She claimed that his 5-year-old was not his son and that alone took quite a while to get the paternity test completed. When he did begin spending weekends with his son, we quickly realized how much damage she was doing to him. He would tell me I was the devil and his daddy didn’t love him. I was shocked that a mother would tell a little boy these horrid things. It got to the point of making a choice to stay out of his children’s life. He tried for 3 years to be in their life and she never eased up. He hasn’t seen them in 7 years and the pain has become more bearable–he gets sad around their birthdays and holidays. Sometimes I feel guilty because I am elated she is not in our life. It was truly exhausting to deal with her and carry on with your own life. We have been married for 10 years and have to amazing children of our own. When I think back at that whole ordeal I think what a shame that she couldn’t have thought outside herself. If handled maturely and wisely, blended families can form great bonds–obviously out of the narcissist reality.
Comment: From lea
Thank you for this fantastic web site. You have described so many of my own experiences here, just reading what I had thought were situations uniquely soul destroying from my own upbringing and now understanding they are actually recognised as a problem rather than just my problem, has brought me so much light. I am a very unwell adult now and that has forced me to be back in close quarters with ‘m again. I am stuck there’s no doubt about it. But just being able to read about it feels so helpful. Do wonder if my 8yrs partner is N and that I can’t see it with clarity because of conditioning. And if he is then what doeso I do as someone who’s.s too unwell to fend for myself.
This is happening to me now. After a couple years of marital difficulties my wife threw me out of the house with a trumped up protective order. She is trying to humiliate me by insisting that all child visitation go through my mother who lives several hours away. She is claiming that it is because of “concerns about my mental health”. I have a custody case in which the judge recognized my right for unsupervised visitation, with instructions to work out the schedule with the lawyers. She is still being completely aggressive and hostile, fighting to keep the visits as short as possible. At the same time she asking my mother to take the kids for their spring break. I am living there now and she knows I will be there for there visit. So it’s beyond clear that she isn’t really concerned about there safety around me, and she herself wants a break for them. It’s so transparently spiteful the way she is fighting the legal case. Also clear that she has a sick need to infantilize me by requiring that my mommy keep an eye on me.