There is almost always the Other Woman (Other Man) or Other Women (Other Men) in the romantic and sexual lives of narcissists. A narcissist can be loyal to no one. Since he/she is incapable of true intimacy, being devoted to one spouse ot partner is absurd to this type of personality. Narcissists are restless and bored, full of themselves, supremely self entitled and absolutely sure that they can get any one they want at any time. Many high level narcissists are very successful at this game. They pick and choose their desired one of the moment as easily as someone selecting fine chocolates from a confectionery.
A narcissist knows when the person chosen will tilt toward him and have the affair. They are masters of persuasion through word and gift that this is the time that they must be together. Empty promises flow from their lips like the gifted notes of fine opera singers, their tones and trills following with exquisite precision, the mood, mental and psychological state of its audience. Women or men who are disillusioned in their marriage or who are psychologically wounded and in shock after a divorce are particularly vulnerable to the endless wiles of the magnetic narcissist. Once they are hooked, they fuse with the narcissist and cannot let go of him regardless of his egregious, inappropriate and abusive behaviors toward them. They throw the other woman out, only to reel them back in. This back and forth choreography serves as a psychological reinforcement, tightening the bond with the narcissist.
When the narcissist has had his fill and sends the partner out of the Garden of His Eden, the hellish part of the cycle begins. The Other Woman or Man despite the fact that the narcissist has told them in every way that it is over, begs, bargains, cajoles the narcissist to take her/him back one more time. The injured party cannot let go. Her delusion is set in stone. She knows that this man still loves her despite the fact that he will never leave his wife or mistress for her. The same is true for the other man. Hope springs eternal as they say in the heart of a former lover of the narcissist. Some former lovers never let go and proceed to lead lives of delusional fantasy, believing that at any moment, the phone will ring, the text message will appear, the door bell will sound and he or she will be standing there, awaiting the long expected reunion. These stories have unhappy endings. The narcissist always wins in the liaison game since he is incapable of intimacy or love. Learning how to specifically identify the narcissistic personality and protect yourself from these corrosive individuals will serve you well in your private life. Visit my website:www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
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