Marriage, especially these days, is usually not for life. It is not unusual for people to marry a second or third time. Divorce has become more prevalent in the last few decades. Many people have close partnerships and decide not to get married. These relationships are as deep and meaningful as those who are formally married.
Today we have an increasing number of narcissists in our population. The qualities of the narcissistic personality are highly prized and richly rewarded in many professions and found to be socially popular. They involved great charm, social magnetism, tremendous self confidence, well developed pseudo empathy, articulateness, the ability to schmooze a person in a very convincing way, a gift for taking charge as a leader. Narcissists are so pervasive today that it is not surprising that women and men are discovering them as likely marital partners. The narcissist can be irresistible. They know how to size you up. They are masters at seduction. Once they have decided that you are the one (of the moment of course) they fixate on you as the one that they adore. They buy you gifts, sweep you off your feet. They appear to read your mind, knowing what you want and desire. This occurs in the first stages of the seduction. It is living magic. You are mesmerized and out of your ordinary frame of reality.
Going through a divorce from a narcissist without having children is very painful and difficult. But when we have children that is a different matter. Having our children is forever. Every moment of our lives from then on will never be the same. We have brought individual lives into the world. We are responsible for them. . The same cannot be said about divorced wives or husbands. That is why, when divorce does strike couples with children, it is absolutely crucial for there to be proper Family Mediation Macclesfield so that the divorce is as clean as possible; for the sake of the children if nothing else.
I hear so many life stories of the dreadful nightmare of leading your life, sharing your children with a narcissistic spouse. When the marriage unravels, a decision is made to either stay with the narcissistic spouse or seeking a divorce. Those who stay with the narcissist have a tough road ahead. In some cases the spouse is gone much of the time due to their career. The primary parent is the one that raises the children. However, this is not always the case and the non-narcissistic spouse must cope with this very difficult situation that involves the lives of her/his children.
The cautionary tale here is to become highly informed about every trait of the narcissistic personality. Take you time to do the research. You don’t want to marry a narcissist if you can possibly avoid this. Once you are married and realize that your spouse is narcissistic, it is your decision to stay or leave. I strongly recommend that if you know that your partner is a narcissist, do not have children with this individual if you are informed. If you didn’t realized that you were having children with a narcissistic spouse, don’t blame yourself. You couldn’t have known who this person really was. When you discover the truth about the true nature of the narcissist, make a wise decision. Often this option is divorce. You will be sharing custody with the narcissistic parent. This is very challenging. Your children know how much you love them. That is the most powerful truth of all. It is possible to navigate the tough road, sharing custody with a narcissistic ex.
So if there is any way that you can avoid having a child with a narcissist, do it. Be pro-active. Arm yourself with the truth.
2 thoughts on “Nightmare of Having Children with a Narcissistic Spouse”
I echo this. I did not know what npd was until 8 months into a brutal separation by which time my npd wife had custody of my three year old. I ignored the inner voice that told me the marriage was a mistake. I ignored the same inner warning when we elected to have a child. I am now terrified for my son’s well being. I have been through hell and have ptsd as a result of my marriage and feel profound shock when i read this blog because it is so right. I was also raised by narcissistic parents and was a stereotypical scapegoat. Narcissistic wives are highly dangerous predatory individuals who will damage children. If you recognize npd in a spouse make a plan, take your children and go fast and far. Fight like hell for them because they are in peril.
What some fail to realize is that when you experience divorce from a narcissist feelings of support and allegiance toward that person are hard to come by, if not impossible.
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