The narcissist arrives and moves into our lives with striking, compelling outer packaging. Often he or she is very attractive, bright, a social standout. The narcissist always has a plan up his sleeve about the people in his life. He asks himself: “What can this person do for me?” “Can I make money or achieve higher status through his contacts?” “What’s the best way to get rid of him/her after I’ve gotten what I want?” “Who is the next person on the horizen who can fulfill my desires?”
Narcissists go after their goals with a vengeance—like old testament gods. There are no shades of gray when they are driving down the home stretch. They wreck marriages, abort contracts, cause intolerable stress and anxiety within their homes, detour money into their coffers when it belongs to someone else. Narcissists are ultimate users. They are particularly dangerous to those who are emotionally fragile and dependent. Borderline personalities are often victims of the narcissist’s ruthlessness. The borderline has a deep pathological fear of abandonment. These individuals are emotionally unstable and are inclined to go through periods of extreme mood swings, have poor ego boundaries and problems with impulse control. As a result they are easy fodder for the preditory narcissist. I have known many instances in which borderline personalities who are psychologically enmeshed with narcissists have lost any remnant of control over their own lives as a result of these highly dysfunctional relationships.The narcissist doesn’t suffer; he has no conscience. There are no consequences for his horrendous actions because he’s learned the fine art of not leaving his finger prints on these lowly deeds. Some borderlines have psychotic breaks or if they are alcoholic they swirl down into the oblivion of their addiction. In some cases, the victims become physically ill and have difficulty recovering their health. Meanwhile, the narcissist has moved on to his next prize.
To those who fear him, the narcissist says:”If you don’t give me what I want, I will take it from you.” “If you make it impossible for me, I will destroy you.” These are the clear implications that narcissists leave with those who cower in his presence. When we stand steady within ourselves and face the narcissist without being intimidated, we have a great opportunity to assert ourselves and the truth. Coming to a deep understanding of how the narcissist functions psychologically and why and learning to deal with him successfully, will expand you consciousness and your life in every way. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.