Image is the narcissist’s reality. He builds this up throughout his life. How he appears to others is critical to his sense of self. Deep inside the narcissist is psychologically empty. His inner life is bleak. He has no internal psychological resources. Many narcissists are obsessed with obtaining material things—cars, houses, clothing of the highest quality.Everything that they touch must be special since they view themselves as perfect. Go into a restaurant with a narcissist and you will him giving the server the third degree unless he is in a familiar haunt where he is treated like royalty. Narcissists treat those in what he would consider “inferior positions” —real working people–like dirt. This is one of the red flags of narcissism–how a person treats those who do not have the education, money, social or professional status they have. I am always astounded by those who firmly believe they are better than someone else—-Really!!! How infantile–How Narcissistic!
His external environment must be beyond perfection. He’s like the old nursery rhyme Sing a Song of Six Pence: “The King was in his counting house, counting out his money…”
Narcissists are always counting and appraising their possessions—even their wives. Yes, if you are married to a narcissist you are a possession–a very valuable one that is part of his perfect image. It is essential that wives of narcissists keep themselves looking and acting that way or they will be replaced. Even if you remain is wife, the narcissist will not be faithful to you. Compartmentalizing women is part of their MO. They love the thrill of possessing more than one woman at a time.
How long are you willing to give up your life to the narcissist—to dance to his choreography, to bow to his highness, to be screamed at incessantly, to always be wrong (when you are right) to be blamed for everything, even a rain shower, to be kept up at night because you are too stressed to sleep because you don’t know when or where the next blow is coming from? Are you willing to risk you physical and psychological health? Many women do. I hear from them and some remain the narcissistic spouses’ possession.
Think about the value of your life as an individual. Speak to your intuition and listen carefully for an answer. Talk to someone whom you trust completely. Be kind to yourself and begin to make a plan of action. You will prevail. You are not possessed by anyone. You are a unique human being of great value. Learn everything you can about the narcissistic personality disorder. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life