Narcissists Play “I have Changed” Card

One of the repetitive themes that runs through the cycle of abuse with the narcissistic spouse is: “I have changed. I want you back. I am a different person now.” This works very well for many narcissists. They are such brilliant method actors that the abused spouse believes them. She has been waiting to hear these words for years. She wants to believe that this man has transformed himself. She still loves this husband who has abused her for years. She takes him back and soon discovers that he has returned to get something that he wants. In some cases it is a financial ruse. He knows that you have been very successful at your career or business and he has come to take you for every financial asset you have. Another reason is that he doesn’t want to go through a divorce because in the agreement he will lose too much of his monetary worth. He would much rather have a pretend marriage with you as the official spouse that leaves him lots of opportunities for his affairs. He needs the image of the perfect marriage and family. Beneath the surface he is still leading a secret life.

Narcissistic personalities do not change. This is a fixed characterlogical disorder. Narcissists believe they are perfect. Don’t let the narcissistic spouse back into your life. You don’t deserve this abuse and exploitation. Free yourself. You will find your own way. You will use your creative gifts. Your energy and emotional and psychological health will be restored. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life

One thought on “Narcissists Play “I have Changed” Card”

  1. At present I’m in a 35 year marriage . He feels entitled to think and do what is best for us. He needs to be right and he uses his unsual verbage vocabulary on me to separate himself from me. He likes to upstage himself. When I discuss about an issue , he becomes defensive and demands facts and other hard pressed data. He would publically make a scene in public . He is despondent , detached. He says he has changed. I say to him , you are not here with me . He then stomps his feet and says I’m here. He interrupts me and others, finishes my statement only because to say time. He whistles a tune while were in the car to separate himself from any conversation that we might have. He under minds me. I’m at the point of losing my sanity. I have mentioned divorce several times. He doesn’t want to leave me because he would be alone with no one else to blame. When were visiting family he makes it a point to be detached and has a wandering eye. I believe that I have been his punching bag and I am to blame myself for this poor choice in life. He denies that he is a narcissist. I defer. I’M 61 YEARS OF AGE, I AM WILLING TO SHUT DOWN THIS PAST CHAPTER OF MY BOOK AND TURN THE CORNER, NOT LOOK BACK. Our daughter even said that he doesn’t love you . Yes I have been from a dysfunctional family and met a guy who seemed safe and respectful. Recently he did admit that he does not regard or respect me. With that ITS TIME TO LEAVE.

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