Narcissists Love to Make You Feel Worthless

Narcissists are cunning, tricky and conniving. They must always be in control. When they are “on” and contact you, they always want something from you. They don’t give a damn about how you are feeling or your life struggles. They have decided they want something from you–your time, connections, money, influence—any advance they can and will take. In these circumstances they are playing their game to the max. Their tone and manner couldn’t be more charming. They compliment you in just the right manner that will pull on you emotionally. This is especially the case with an ex boyfriend/girlfriend, ex spouse. You ask yourself: “Why is this person coming back into my life now?” Your answer could be–because he has reconsidered his love for me. Watch out before you become engulfed by this play to your heart.

Narcissistic mothers and fathers and narcissistic siblings suddenly appear out of nowhere and make promises about coming back into your life. They are so clever with their words and their tone. “It’s been too long. Let’s spend some quality time together.” Those are the magic words to an adult child of a narcissistic parent that can bring them back into the psychological ambush and painful entanglement with this NPD. Remember, these personality disorders do not change. They believe they are perfect. Remember that they are predatory–always surveying their environments for narcissistic supplies. They calculate your kindness and come up with the answer: Bingo–They can play you once again, get what they want and then disappear, leaving you feeling abandoned, emotionally battered and confused. Don’t go down this road again. It is a painful acknowledgement to recognize clearly that your parent is narcissistic.

You are a unique individual, worthy of leading the life that you deserve. You are the author of your life story once you have severed the relationship with the narcissist. No one can own you, intimidate you, possess you. You are free to use all of your many gifts, to establish close relationships with others capable of compassion and kindness. Develop a strong pattern of self care–doing those activities that you love and that will make you strong on every level. Enjoy all of your many creative gifts, Learn how to laugh again. Trust you intuition. Seek the beauty and healing of Nature. You will find respite there. Rediscover your original previous self.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

14 thoughts on “Narcissists Love to Make You Feel Worthless”

  1. Comment:From Susan
    I loved the last paragraph. It was just the “boost” of encouragement I needed today. Thank you.

  2. Comment: From Cindy
    I am grateful for every post you send but this one was timely. I saw my daughter and her husband this weekend at a family funtion and he was so attentive and kind. I actually walked away thinking maybe I had over reacted these last 4 years. But I read this, gave my head a shake and reminded myself that it is just an act. I have felt his wrath and it will never happen again.

  3. Comment: From Debbie
    Out of desperation I started surfing the internet for information to deal with a narcissist. It took me a long time to admit my sister is a narcissist. Her behavior this last year has been incredibly vicious and abusive. I can no longer deny it. I am left confused, yet for the first time in my life I am willing to look at the situation and climb my way out of the huge hole I am in. I have been afraid of her most of my life and I am just too old and tired to deal with it anymore. How did I let this happen and go on and on so long?

  4. Comment: From Helene
    I struggle with guilt after severing a relationship with my NPD brother and dad. The last paragraph is very consoling. Thanks.

  5. Comment:From Terri
    I have been with a narcissist for the past three years. I have read all the articles with my jaw dropping over how accurate my situation has been described. My mother passed away 20 days ago and he sent me a text saying he loved me that afternoon and broke up with me 10 hours later. I have texted, called and fallen into every trap to get him to respond. He ignores me again. Every time I have ever needed him he rages and completely cuts off contact. I feel like I am going to die. I am in jeopardy of losing my job due to missed days trying to sort through all this. I am desperate. I know in my head I should do no contact but my heart is shattered.

  6. Comment: From Sue
    My N mother drove our family crazy, but my dad was so consumed by her, that he allowed and almost promoted her hell. She turned on him because he had Multiple Sclerosis. He was weak and sick and ruined her life.
    There is so much to tell about the things she did to us.
    I married to get away from her at age 19. The guy was a knight in shining armour. Asked me to marry on our 1st date.
    Married quickly in a few weeks. I didnt get a chance to meet his family until the wedding.
    I married into a worse Narcissistic family than my own. My ex changed after the first month. What did I get myself into?
    It was hell battling both sides. He loved me being a psychotic mess, his family picking on me instead of him. He would never stick up for me.
    There is so much he did to me and the kids during the 30 year marriage. Alcohol, spending, affairs, turning our kids against me as well.
    Between my mom & him, i felt worthless and incapable to leave.
    But i finally did. It got so bad I had to do it. Imagine your own kids want your stuff and not you.

  7. Comment: From Sam Hustler
    Never believe what an N tells you. You are a unique, amazing human being, something that (s)he will never be. Never give up and before believing what they say about you, look at them. They have no passion, no love, no ambition, no self-esteem, nothing. They are psychopath monsters, born to harm others.

  8. Trust is the foundation that marriage and relationship rests upon, but when that bond is broken, it often remains that way.A spouse can forgive, but that painful experience will lurk in the offended spouse’shank you Dr TRUST. You can contact him on mind not wanting to let down its guards for fear that it could happen again,It’s never easy when a marriage or significant relationship ends, Whatever the reason for the split and whether you wanted it or not the breakup of a relationship can turn your whole world upside down and trigger all sorts of painful and unsettling feelings. But there are plenty of things you can do to avert such difficult time and make the family reunion stronger again so to as to avert divorce and a broken relation,You can even learn from the experience and grow into a stronger, wiser person, to be able to pass through these process contact us at {[email protected]

  10. Word for word describes the narcissist formerly in my life. As a ‘friend’, I was a supply of emotional support, admiration, money, advice, time and so on. At the time I was so deeply entranced and entrenched in this nightmare I didn’t understand or recognise the constant trickle of psychological abuse; put downs, criticisms, infantilising, bullying, exploitation, triangulation…and when I did start to realise it, I didn’t want to believe it. It was hard and painful but I finally achieved detachment from a toxic person who was making me ill. Interestingly, the narcissist believes himself to be utterly unique and special (he has said as much), yet he is actually a text book narcissist. Nothing unique there.
    Now mostly out the other side of this nightmare, I look back with a sort of wonder. I cannot understand why I was so under his spell, I find him mostly repulsive now. Nothing would induce my to willingly communicate with him again.

  11. such details readers tell us. And welcome all that do because we think it is all our fault (i did i mean) why do so many people stay so close to them. including ex wives and girlfriends.? especially on social media say? and i forgot to say does it also rub off on us too? I don’t have the patience i once had and don’t feel like me anymore. doubt everything. Thankyou.

  12. I hate the narcissist I am with right now with a passion. He has put me thru so much unnecessary hell. His family is even worse. I sometimes wish he could just drop dead for no reason. I hate him. He has maligned me, stalked me, tried to alienate me from people while smiling in my face and pretending he loves me yet to the world, the knowledge they have of me is that I am this crazy B that won’t leave his life. It’s him who keeps coming back to me and not vice versa. I hate him, with all my heart. Sadly, there are 4 beautiful human beings between us, it has made it so, sooo hard to leave this devil. I pray for strength cuz I feel like giving up on myself, he has hurt me so bad. May God help me because I want to give up. It would feel good to let go and die, I don’t because I have 4 other people depending on me. God help me, God please help me. I don’t know what else to say or do.

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