Narcissistic Mothers Devalue their Daughters

Some narcissistic mothers appear to have subtle ways of giving a hallowed place to her golden boy son, including constant attention and adulation. Although there is not much greater equality between men and women professionally, we still have have the pull of the patriarchal view within our culture. I see many families where the eldest son is the star of the family from the beginning. He is bright, very attractive, confident and socially smooth. Mother clears the way for him through her adulation, almost veneration. This special son is molded by the mother as a chosen person. She puts all of herself into this child, viewing him as perfect. He is the fulfillment of the mother’s dreams.

A daughter who comes along as second to the star brother is treated differently. Often these behaviors are subtle. Mother is already psychologically fused with the golden son. Almost every waking moment is taken up thinking of him and his magnificence. For many of these narcissistic mothers the daughter is a disappointment. This is especially the case for the daughter if the father has been taken out of the picture by the dominating narcissistic mother. Slight differences can be seen in the animation that the narcissistic mother displays when talking about her special son; the sacrifices she makes for him with her time. The daughter is secondary in her attention and mind. These daughters have a painful legacy. Often they do not feel worthwhile, knowing that they can never measure up to the stardom of the older brother. They feel secondary, second rate.

These adult can benefit from excellent psychotherapy. The learn to recognize that the narcissistic mother give her birth and the imprint of her dna. These daughters find ways to separate and individuate out of the family of origin. As they move forward these daughters develop loving friendships with those who appreciate them as unique and valuable human beings. The narcissistic chosen brother will never become authentic. He is a false self (although he may be very powerful in his world). Daughters who live in these family constellations and continue to heal themselves move forward and grow throughout their lives as authentic strong individuals. Visit my website:

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
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