Narcissistic Mothers are the Worst–Their Children Come Last

The despicable truth about narcissistic mothers is that they don’t raise their children–They give birth to them–that’ it. I have had many a narcissistic mother tell me that she was bored with little children—babies and toddlers in particular. “They are so boring. Why would I want to spend time with them when I could be moving forward with my career. I have it all planned out. Babies get in your way.” My question to myself is Why the hell did you have children” Sometimes there is a whoops but that is an exception.Narcissistic mothers often plan the spacing between their children. They want one right after the other so that they can get it over with. They spend the absolute minimum amount of time on maternity leave, drop the pregnancy fat with hours of working out at the gym. Having their figures back is far more important than taking care of their infants Narcissistic “mothers” do not bond with their children and that is psychologically detrimental to an infant and baby. If they have the means they hire expensive nannies who will take over as surrogate parents for a high price. Now the narcissistic mother can brag about how much her child is learning and that she has a high pedigree nanny–and that she is going to soon reach the pinnacle of her career. She can do it all. Really? Babies take a lot of actual time and it is not the most scintilating experience every moment taking care of them. They cry, puke, poop, scream while teething, defy you as they move toward individuation,become ill in the middle of the night and run high fevers. They often test your patience. This is all part of raising a child.

Narcissistic mothers have it very easy. They take all of the credit for having their children. They carry pictures around on their cell phones. They buy clothes for them so the kids present the perfect image. They indulge their children materially—but they do not pay real attention and attune to their children. There is no psychological attachment. This is a serious problem.

They are involved with their careers and the social swirl of work. Some of these women are traveling constantly and even if they are married their spouse is a workaholic. When you have two narcissistic parents, neither party is raising the child. The psychological damage is incalcuable and takes its toll throughout the child’s life. Narcissistic mothers see their children infrequently. When they get home the child is already in bed. In the morning mother has already left and the child is left with a baby sitter or nanny.

Some mothers have to put their children in childcare when the baby is very young.This is necessary because they have to work and there are no family members who can take care of them. These mothers love and are very devoted to their children. Bless them–they are doing the best job they can under very difficult circumstances.

I have come across too many narcissistic mothers–past and present. It is tragic for their children. Many of these children turn out to be incredibly empathic human beings. i have seen this often. They deserve tremendous credit. They are caring, kind human beings–always thinking of others.

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Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
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