Narcissistic mothers are unjust, unfair and downright brutal. When this non mother has seized on the child who is the answer to all of her deepest needs and wishes, she has no interest, let alone a disgust for her other children. One common scenario is the older daughter turned “Princess” versus the young daughter. From babyhood NM chooses the older daughter as her favorite. The sun rises and sets on this child. She is never corrected for her impulsive mean behaviors. When the younger daughter comes along and the budding narcissist pinches her baby sister, the NM pays no attention at all or she waves it all off as if it never happened. In fact NM may find it amusing to hear her baby cry or watch her wince. In this case “mother” is highly sadistic and dangerous to her little one. There are many occasions when the older blooming narcissistic daughter terrorizes the little child without any witnesses. She pretends like she is playing a funny game and rushes out of the shadows and scares and startles the baby who reacts with crying. Mother is annoyed: “What’s the matter with this kid ? All she does is whimper and cry.” “Why can’t she be like her older sister, calm and composed?” This situation is horrific for the victimized baby, young child and growing sibling who is subject to this malicious abuse. Dad never finds out about these horrors because he is purposely left in the dark. In some cases he is out to lunch and doesn’t want to be involved in any meaningful way with his family.
After growing up under these abusive conditions, victims of narcissistic sisters suffer greatly. Some of them feel that they are obligated to maintain relationships with the ones who tortured them. Well, I am telling you, you don’t. The family may not understand or believe you. But if this previous abuse by your NM and NS is continuing to interrupt the positive trajectory of your life, sever the relationship. The NM and NS are not going to change. They will continue to deride you, disdain you and psychologically injure you.
What is best for you is self care and beginning the process of psychological and emotional healing. This begins by knowing that you are entitled to lead your own life, to feel deep inner peace, to feel safe and secure inside, to use your creative gifts, to learn to trust only those who are worthy of it. You can and will heal.
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
2 thoughts on “Narcissistic Mother Chooses Narcissistic Princess over Other Daughter”
Comment: From Wendy
It’s such a relief to hear my mother described. It is quite exhausting growing up in that situation because of inability to let your guard down. The responses to actions are never as anticipated, rage surfaces for no discernible reason and as you can imagine, there is immediate need to go into self-protection mode. Unpredictable and conditional mother with a sibling to match is a freaking nightmare. Tsk Tsk would be their response when I’d say: “why are you acting this way? what have i done?” Oh Wendy, what the hell are you talking about. All my imagination. so sensitive. Was in tears all of the time. I cried an ocean. Early years, I recall always being told to “go lay down.” I had hair ratted from being in bed so often. And I wasn’t sick. Exhausted from crying and being battered by my brother who appeared to have been given the green light by my mother. When I got older, it got worse. people from my past say “I remember your brother beat you up all of the time.” How embarrassing. I was so tired all of the time. Could not sleep feeling in danger. Finally, i had to leave the house as he’d follow me and badger me, taunt, humiliate in gatherings (my favorite..his nickname for me was “moose” which he used for 3 yrs if not more) or at school. I would go for long walks alone. Like a freak, misfit, a nomad. I daydreamed of a future with a life of relaxation and beauty to ease the pain of my past.
Good luck to others. If you find a person who understands you, treasure them.
Rejected by mother. We are sometimes placed into self exile and proximity to our sacrificial tender heart can feel so disorienting, vulnerable and exposed and that can be a sad life too.
My life was a lot like this growing up, except I’m adopted. I rarely speak to my mom but she affects me on a daily basis. I feel haunted by memories of her hitting me and times when she has literally closed the door and gossiped about me to my other siblings. It hurts so much, haunts me, makes me feel worthless. I want to find inner peace, but I really struggle. Even though I’m in a loving relationship with an amazing guy, I still feel these demons from my past. I find it difficult to find balance with my mom when I do speak to her. Even when I try my hardest to be nice and have at least a pleasant conversation with her, she will turn right around and do something so hurtful. The emotional abuse continues even though she no longer hits or slaps me because I’m an adult. I don’t even live in the same state as her and it continues to be an issue that torments me psychologically.
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