You never asked to be married to a person who turned out to be a psychological beast. In the beginning it was all so romantic. You knew this was the person with whom you were going to spend the rest of your life. This man knew you (that’s what you believed) and was the one you had been searching for. In some cases women who are particularly vulnerable to this kind of man are the daughters of narcissistic mothers. They are now unconsciously repeating this pattern.
The narcissistic mask of your new husband begins to slip with his picking away at your lack of perfection. He is pointing out your mistakes even if they are his. Narcissists believe that they are perfect. Everyone else is flawed. The narcissist is very vocal on this subject. The picking gets deeper and uglier, punctuated by volcanic narcissistic rages that can go on for hours. Narcissists have tremendous stamina when they are on an offensive attack. They love to fight dirty. They know when you are emotionally vulnerable and go for the jugular. Some spouses take all of the blame and burden and put this on themselves. Some become physically ill from the stress that their bodies can no longer endure–they can’t sleep, eat properly or even have one quiet thought. The narcissist is eating them alive psychologically.
Do you want to stay married to a person who is ripping you apart piece by piece? This is ultimately your decision. But that is the question. Narcissists are fixed personality disorders who do not change. They don’t mellow with age.
Some spouses have had enough and prepare for the process of divorce. They do their homework, make sure they have a highly informed attorney who understands the level of ruthlessness, deception and manipulation that these people will go to in a divorce situation. Never underestimate their cunning and vituperativeness.
Learn to take good care of yourself. Study everything you can about the narcissistic personality. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
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