“Cock of the Walk” derives from the middle english, meaning a person who dominates others with his (her) overbearing manner. This describes many male narcissists who treat their brother(s) in humiliating and intimidating ways, constantly pouring vinegar into your open psychological wounds. Whether older or younger the narcissistic brother takes control of the household very early. He was always the attention getter, the One, the overwhelming presence. In many family scenarios he is mother or father’s favorite. From the beginning he is not taught to be aware or sensitive to other’s feelings. His parents give him the green light and tell him directly and indirectly that he is extraordinary Male siblings of narcissistic brothers describe their fear and trembling in the presence of their brother. Frequently, the parent(s) is unaware of the narcissist’s manipulation of them and the other children in the family. The narcissistic brother is often a bully who routinely terrorizes his brothers and sisters. I hear these stories frequently from the narcissist’s victims: “He was always cruel, made fun of me. ” “He lied and told dad that I stole something or hit a kid at school. My brother is a bully, pure and simple.” “He can get away with anything.”
The narcissistic brother will never stop abusing you. Narcissists are very unlikely to change. They are wildly rewarded for their grandiosity, extreme self confidence and for their cruel domination of others. I have heard first hand accounts of narcissistic brothers who turn treacherous and convince other family members that their brother is mentally and psychologically unstable. Often these brothers become the executors of the family estate, especially if there are large assets involved. They pretend to be attentive to the living mother or father for the purpose of brainwashing them into controlling the will and the trusts.
Narcissistic brothers get a perverse joy from digging at their siblings. They demean and humiliate their brother, embarrassing them in public or among other family members and friends. They take joy in inducing wounds–they are mercilessly sadistic, even treacherous. When you tell others about your narcissistic brother, don’t be surprised if you are not believed. Many people live in delusion, never wanting to face what is darkest in another because they cannot face their own psychological shadows.
In many cases the targeted brother must make a move to sever his ties with his toxic family member. Painful as this action can be, it is an opportunity for the once victimized sibling to break free from this narcissist and assert and celebrate his unique identity. For many this represents a personal transformation, a great victory! Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
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