Message to Narcissistic Mothers-Stop Putting Me Down

Narcissistic mothers are beyond difficult and they don’t become more civilized as they age. They play the dependent, “take care of me” card to the hilt (when they don’t need any assistance at all). If you are the child of a narcissistic mother, your life has been very difficult. It is hard for some people to recognize the extent and depth of their cruelties, betrayals and manipulations. If you are not the chosen child–God help you. Those who have had this experience have endured horrible abuse at the hands of the narcissistic mother. Often this mother is the matriarch of the entire family. The father is put in the background. Mother rules over him and the other members of the family. She forms alliances with children whom she can mold into clones of herself or those whom she can use as willing servants who will adore her despite their abuse of them. Then there are the sons and daughters who recognize that this woman whom they call mother doesn’t deserve this name.. She exists only for herself. She is cruel and vindictive with her children—even infants and her very young children. Some children of these dreadful mothers are fortunate to be raised by kind nannies and babysitters. Often these children call these surrogates mother. The biological narcissistic mother doesn’t have an authentic relationship with her children. She is incapable of any kind of intimate relationship.

Years of maternal narcissistic abuse are endured. Some children of these families survive by leaving the home early and seeking education on their own. Some are fortunate to find other family members who will take them in

Even well into adulthood some children of narcissistic mothers are constantly disturbed by the cruel comments, the lies spread about their characters and the direct insults that these non-mothers project on their children. They send constant emails and texts, uninvited calls. The adult child of this abuse discovers that he or she is the source of malicious rumors. Often the motive of the narcissistic mother is sadistic She want to bring down her own child. The visual image I am reminded of in thinking of these women is that of the ancient Greek goddess Medusa who horrifies us with her ferocity and fills us with dread as we watch her wearing writhing coils of live snakes encircling her head. The snakes in the narcissistic mother’s hair cannot be removed. They are a vital part of her. It is time to take a stand and separate from her psychologically for good. This isn’t easy but necessary to your psychological and emotional health.

Stop letting her put you down. Don’t be present or the volleys of criticisms, the malicious lies, the psychological ambushes, the toxic innuendos. Use your intuition to wisely tell you how and when to leave her and all of the suffering behind. I have been in contact with many sons and daughters of narcissistic mothers who have made this journey of separation and have found that they now are finally free for the first time in their lives to make their own decisions, to think creatively, to make their own plans, to use their talents and gifts, to form relationships with those whom they choose. You deserve the comfort of deep inner peace, a spacious mind, the freedom of using your creativity and the comfort and compassion of those who care deeply about you. Visit my website:

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
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