There are cases in which a child has a mother that has a dual
diagnosis. She is both a narcissistic personality and a histrionic personality disorder. The histrionic is noted by her compulsive need to be the center of attention at all times. She is given to fits of temper and is highly dramatic. These individuals are highly impulsive and no one can predict their next exact behavior. They disrupt parties, family gatherings, and public events without batting an eye. That is how emotionally labile they are. Combined with the HPD diagnosis you have a antisocial personality disorder. Completely self-absorbed, lacking empathy, incapable of emotional intimacy, selfish, self-centered, grandiose, manipulative, exploitative–that is at the core of the narcissistic personality. Being the child of this mother is extremely difficult.
There is no emotional or psychological bond or security with
this parent. The child is not cared for or cherished. She grows up
without emotional attachment to the mother and her deepest needs to be
cherished and treated as a unique individual are overlooked. Mother is
too immersed in herself to pay appropriate attention to her son or
daughter.
In many cases these mothers both histrionic
and narcissistic unconsciously project their self hatred on to their
children. They have no insight into themselves. These are fixed
personalities and do not change. If there is a loving responsible other
parent, the child has a chance to go through the normal stages of
development and become a stable individual.
If you now
know that you mother was a dual diagnosis histrionic personality and
narcissistic personality—don’t blame yourself and begin to think she
could have been any different through any of your interventions. You did
not make her disturbed. She had a long history of psychopathology long
before you came on the scene. Other members of the family are likely to
pressure you into believing that mom is normal, just a little
eccentric. You know that “There she goes again” attitude. This is not
true. Mother suffers from a dual diagnosis which is very serious.
Children who survive these mothers psychologically are extraordinary and
have great courage. Sometimes there are other family members who take
on the role of surrogate parent and provide the child with much needed
stability. Some children raise themselves, seeking the families of
friends, learning to keep themselves together with their minds in
solitude, study, art and other creative pursuits.
This
is one of the most difficult maternal backgrounds. Give yourself
tremendous credit. In many cases high quality psychotherapy can be very
helpful. Be sure to interview several therapists to find one that is
both clinically skilled, highly empathic and who is neither narcissistic
nor histrionic. Take very good care of yourself. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi,Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: [email protected]
As a child of a mother with histrionic personality disorder and student of psychology, I can confidently say that this is “right on the money” . This was a great post and encouraged me to give myself a little praise for getting through it and evolving past the abuse.
My mother must had histrionic personality.I Had been abused emotionally ,physically,sexually …but in some magical way a survive .And i understand now that the one thing that save me it was my friends families.Because a could back then to compare my mother to the others normal mothers….And now because i find my self in a very abusive relationship and try to remind myself what i have been through ..your article was very helpful to remind myself i worth the best not the worst .
I’m 21 years old and I have a 19 year old and 14 year old sister, we think and feel that our mother has Histrionic Personality Disorder. It became really bad after she had the divorce with my dad before my 18th birthday. As the eldest child its really difficult for me cause I get all the blame and the bad happenings are butted out on me when our gets really angry and stressed. She over reacts on things when she’s mad to the point where she tried to burn the house down, twice. She also threatens us that she will kill herself, and that either she or us will have to leave the house. She always blame her self in a self-pity childlike way for us to feel guilty and bad about ourselves. Sometimes I wish for this to end and to end my life as well but I always stay strong for my sisters.
I was raised by a histrionic basket case who believed the “rapture” was tomorrow every day. This in turn led my folks to yank me out of school at the age of seven and “homeschool” me. Which was a disaster. No opportunities for me, academic, or scholarships, no way to gage how I’m doing with other children and the only other kids I saw where rural white defects like myself who went to similar cult meetings with us.
I’m actually brilliant, just never got a chance to shine which has killed my self esteem( something I think my crazy bio donator wanted to happen).
This stuff is evil. I remember wanting my best friend’s mom or my aunt to raise me when I was younger. My mother couldn’t. She sat in her room for twenty years primping, gorging on breaking Fox News, and pouting and or task mastering her children with little things like rubbing her constant headache or fetching her her coffee at seven am.
I should have been in school and not my mothers little helper. I wish I could forgive but my anger has outweighed anything and I am just so !&$!ing angry and lonely in life. If your a child under one of these monsters, run! Get away