Narcissists are rampant these days. Their “values” of materialism, outer image, greediness, hubris are often accepted in the media as positive attributes or at the most idiosyncrasies that must be overlooked because they are so successful. It doesn’t matter that they have abandoned all of their children, except the new born baby that the newest wife forty years younger has just presented as the latest narcissistic supply to “daddy.” It’s not important that narcissistic mothers and fathers are never home to take care of their children because they are wedded to their careers and abandon babies to nannies and sitters when the child is too young to hold up his/her head. It’s of no concern when children of narcissists don’t develop a conscience and become holy terrors. It’s inconsequential that narcissists as parents are disasters. All that matters is that the impeccable outer shell of an image of perfection is maintained. Most of the public accepts the elaborate mask of the narcissist as long as he or she is beautiful, handsome, a high placed celebrity, has wealth, style and charisma and is entertaining.
It is the children of narcissists who suffer the most. They are the ones who see, hear and experience the dark side of these so-called parents. Every day they endure the criticisms, mockings, ridicule and humiliations meted out by these severe personality disorders. Then there is the complete lack of attention, the dismissiveness of these parents. They are either physically absent or when they are home, have nothing to do with their children. They are too busy with gratifying themselves with their latest material possessions, incessant parties and meetings that revolve around them. Narcissistic parents are usually in a rush. They don’t have time for their children. Children take time and our attention—-Quality time—-five minutes a day doesn’t cut it. It never will.
I frequently hear painful stories of adult children who were psychologically abandoned by their narcissistic parent(s) since they were infants. They know they were never loved. Some of them are suffering to this day. They can’t believe how this happened to them. It is so sad and disheartening to witness and hear their stories.
Many children of narcissistic parents reverse their perceptions of themselves, recognize their authenticity, realize that these people who gave them their DNA could not parent and find ways to heal themselves. Some benefit from quality psychotherapy; others use healing modalities like yoga, meditation, guided meditation. It is remarkable how far they have come and the quality of their empathy is striking. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
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