There are many remarkable human beings in our current society today. They can be hard to find since much of the country is captivated by high level narcissists who are often in positions of power and worldly influence. Unwittingly, many of us make the assumption that if a person is well educated and highly successful they are a great human being. This is not true.
There are people who have built their deserving success in the outside world and are looked up to by their colleagues, friends and family members and at the same time are fine individuals with tremendous character traits: honesty, compassion, humility, fairness, integrity. These are the gems in our society but gradually they are more difficult to find.
We have many high profile narcissists who are skilled at manipulating others into believing that they are great human beings as well as successful at their work. Often these people are very confident, appear to be personable, very attractive, present an impeccable image, advanced social skills and the ability to hold others in their thrall.
High profile narcissists have large entourages of people who adore them without question. Their very presence in the case of major entertainers in movies, television, music, drama creates swarms of adoring fans. The more power and influence they command the greater their sense of self entitlement and no limits attitude. The narcissist is dizzy with his ultimate sense of self importance. He/she is the object of adoration. “What’s not to adore? they ask themselves; I deserve to be venerated!”.
It is within families of high profile narcissists in particular that so much psychological damage is done. In the privacy of their homes, behind closed doors that the children and spouses and ex-spouses of these Uber-Narcisssists suffer the greatest psychological damage. It is within these rooms and compounds the their victims are treated abominably. Children of narcissists are threatened, taunted, physically beaten, humiliated, constantly screamed at, vilified, told they are crazy. You name it, the narcissist has perpetrated severe levels of abuse upon those closest to him. They use cruel methods to turn one child against another, especially when the narcissist has one child who is chosen to be his perfect clone. His other kids are compared to this Golden Boy or Golden Girl and accused of not being good enough. Growing up this way, they develop a poor self image, feelings of guilt, deep inferiority and self humiliation. They blame themselves for not being “Perfect” like their narcissistic mother or father.
Those who have grown up with a narcissistic parent can heal. I have seen this happen through their courage, research and hard work to rediscover themselves, to grieve over the parent they never had, to re-awaken their unique gifts and to understand, feel and know that they are loving human beings. Some of the loveliest individuals I have known are children of narcissistic parents. You will heal and restore your life. You deserve it. The time to begin is now.
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
3 thoughts on “High Level Narcissists Cause Psychological Devastation”
I’m a 24 yr old female & I believe my mom may be a narcissis. I’ve recently read many blogs such as this one & it seems she fits the profile perfectly (wildly inappropriate,role reversal-acting as if I was the care taker,compared my sisters to me to hurt them,the list goes on). Is there any hope at all that she could be helped? I miss her but when she’s around she truly is toxic & slowly starts to unravel my entire life. I know this isn’t normal is there anything I can do? Thank you.
Dear chef Angel,
Thank you for contacting me. I am sorry that you are and have experienced a painful ordeal with your narcissistic mother. The narcissist personality is a fixed character disorder and does not change. I understand why you want your mother to be different. The best way to move forward with a narcissistic mother who is interfering with you life is to focus on your own needs, your talents, creativity. Find times of solitude for yourself. Some individuals discover that activities like gentle yoga and meditation (doing what works for you) and other quieting practices helps them to access the part of our nervous system and mind that are very calming. We cannot change our narcissistic mothers but we can separate out from them and rediscover our true selves. Some daughters of narcissistic mothers decide to go no contact with their narcissistic mothers. You deserve to lead your own life separate from the emotional and psychological chaos that narcissists bring. Take very good care of yourself.
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Took me 7 months. I feel empty since I left. Only lived with him a couple of months. Met him on dating site. Had lost my husband and a sister to cancer recently and during I lost my father…
Thank you for your website. I have divorced a Narcissist. He unfortunately has shared custody. I am rather desperate for information on how to talk to our children in order to teach them the strength they will need to survive this. I see signs of the
N-Father pitting the children against each other, separating them, I hear of a lot of punishment and separations. I am concerned that my son is the golden boy who is being groomed to constantly approve of his important father. I hear my son brag around the elementary school about his important father. I am concerned that my daughter sits in her room, neglected.
Of course, the N Father buys them all the toys and restaurants and vactations and does not pay me one dime of loan repayment, child support or alimony and what’s more he drags me to court in a continual vindictive attempt to punish me through false accusations and attempts to jack up my debt to attorneys which is excessive. I am anon because I am in a custody battle. He tells the children the divorce is my fault and many other bad things about me
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