When you arrive at the truth about the narcissist who has taken so much from you—psychologically and emotionally–whether it is a mother, father, sibling or an entire family, you have come to a fork in the road of your life. The next steps follow the path of self healing. First, you are entitled to be whole and healthy and to live peacefully inside of yourself. You leave the constant fear, apprehension and dread behind and wonder to yourself: “What is is the next step?” As you tune into your intuition the steps toward your new life will unfold. You realize that for years and decades you have wanted to pursue a creative path. This take innumerable forms: writing, sketching, journaling, gardening, photography, singing, journeys into Nature, dancing, yoga, tai chi, meditation in a form that appeals to you, walk, strolling. Everything is open to you now. It is helpful to write down what you love best. Don’t worry about the order of things—just write and let your imagine go skipping along. Be as open as you can without editing.
Get into the habit of devoting some time each day in quiet and solitude, even for five minutes. This is your time. Practice self care for the first time since you have left the narcissist behind. Appreciate the beauty of moments–watching the sky, laughing with a baby, smiling at a stranger, savoring a delicious bite of your favorite food, bringing color into your life, dressing to please yourself, allowing yourself to rest when you are tired, slowing down your pace so that you are more aware of living each moment, laughing freely and openly, developing rituals which you enjoy. Slowly these actions will become habits and form the new fabric of your life. As you go along you will bring people into your life whom you can trust and with whom you can communicate. You decide who you want to be in your life. If it is not comfortable and easy, don’t let that person in. You have already seen that picture show. Stop pleasing everyone if that has been your old mantra. Learn to appreciate your own company in a way that is appealing to you. Your restart has begun and you are moving forward with greater confidence in yourself, a sense of your creative gifts and an renewed openness to the dynamic flow of life.
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
One thought on “Healing from the Narcissist–Restarting Your Life”
Comment: From Melanie
Linda, This is powerful, encouraging information on moving forward with life. Thank you.
I realized I was involved with a few narcissists over my dating life. From about age 26 and now I am 39. Then I married an “N” and had a marriage that lasted 3 short years. (and of course it ended when I ‘stood up to him’ for being so non-communicative in the marriage). I was VERY lucky to finally understand this disorder. I only read about it over last week and thought ‘this is EXACTLY what I have encountered in these 5-6 men at varying degrees.’ The most recent incident took place with a man over the last 4 months. I saw the flattering attention he gave to me (and it was very light; not over the top) and just three weeks ago..I saw his darkness come out – the very sudden ignoring my calls, what appeared to be signs of ‘cheating’, the subtle put-downs, the disappearing act..then reappearing..it’s so frightening. I am working on understanding ways I can recognize the signs IMMEDIATELY and avoid this personality type in the future.
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