Those who are married to narcissists are constantly under siege. In the beginning it may be Kismet; in the end it is the lowest circle of Hell. The narcissistic spouse is relentless in his/her ability to make constant demands, falsely accuse you, brainwash your children, make you doubt yourself, threaten to take away all of your worldly possessions including the home in which you live. This list of transgressions is endless and would take up too many pages to count. If there is a way to hurt you psychologically and financially the narcissist leading the attack will find it. Narcissists are “gifted” at “gutting” the lives of others. They have been practicing and mastering this form of destruction all of their lives. If they are golden children the narcissistic parent taught them that they were perfect and superior, that there was neither right nor wrong—–only the goal of winning. They have heard this charge since early childhood. “You have no limits—Everyone around you is inferior. You can do whatever you want. To achieve great things, you have to step over others who are in your way.” These are the earliest messages from mother and/or father. These budding narcissists are molded to become to become false grandiose selves, to compete like gladiators, drawing psychological blood.
If you have recognized that you have been married to a narcissist and moved through the divorce process, give yourself all the space and time and self understanding to heal. First, give yourself credit for leaving this highly disturbed destructive person. Many stay in these marriages and are broken psychologically. Take time to be with yourself. This can take many forms. Get to know yourself–You have spent years being suffocated by the narcissist’s overwhelming personality. Now you can breathe. Some of those in the healing process take up a practice of gentle yoga with emphasis on the breath. Yoga when done with focus and self love is very healing. It eases the nervous system into a state of calmness and safety. Meditation is another form of healing–This can be practiced on any level as long as you are nonjudgmental and consistent. Spend time each day in solitude. Go outdoors, listen to the birds, watch a hummingbird gracefully move from flower to flower, feel the light mist, the sun warm your shoulders—-appreciate each moment. Working through the aftermath of marriage to a narcissist is a complex process. Be kind to yourself. A small support group that you form can be invaluable. You will be heard and understood. This can mean one person. That’s all you need. You will find that your life becomes simpler, quieter, calmer and feel grateful that you are moving toward a deeper inner peace. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com, barnes and noble, many online bookstores