The narcissist draws a circle of admirers around him/her that provides him with a constant flow of praise, adulation, even worship. Those who are married to narcissists are members of this special club. Those who cast their fates with high functioning narcissists benefit from financial security, a comfortable lifestyle, social status, business opportunities. “The narcissist draws a magical, golden circle around himself…Those inside this chosen enclave are privileged. Members of this elite group believe that the light that shines so brightly upon the narcissist will reflect back onto them, warming each one with an incandescent glow.” Spouses of narcissists are part of this golden circle of influence, a connection with power and privilege. This is the upside of being married to a narcissist. The downside is hidden and dark. Beneath the image of charm and magnetism, the narcissist in private is a demanding, manipulative uncompromising individual who is cold and ruthless. Spouses who obey and give their lives to their narcissistic spouse are more likely to be remain in these relationships. They will be betrayed many times through the narcissist’s sexual affairs as well as his complete psychological absence. and total lack of empathy. They have lost themselves and their lives.
By the time the non-narcissistic spouse has come to the point of divorce he/she has suffered greatly under his partner’s ruthless hand. You have been the recipient of endless demands, humiliations and bottomless narcissistic rage. He has turned your emotional and psychological life upside down over decades for many. The time of decision has come and you have mustered the courage and strength to break this abusive alliance and leave behind your role as part of the charmed circle. This step can feel right but overwhelming. The final straw is different for each non-narcissistic spouse. You sense a keen psychological vulnerability. Nevertheless, you move forward, do your homework, choose an excellent attorney and make the plans that will lead to a legal and emotional break in the pathway of your life. Your momentum is moving forward rather than backward. Although this is a difficult process and there are reverses and plateaus along the way, you are in the process of rediscovering yourself. With the help of psychotherapy, emotional support of real friends, and a determination and belief in yourself as a valuable and worthy individual, you step out of the narcissist’s golden circle. This is a psychological relief and a promise you have kept with yourself. You are unbridled to move along at your pace, your style, recreating your life and expanding and deepening your experience of reality in the world and deep within yourself. Visit my website:www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com.
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.