When you have been through the mental and psychological torment of growing up the daughter of a narcissistic mother and now you have severed the relationship, you wonder: Will I ever heal ? How long will it take? I don’t think anyone can answer that question specifically. However, Healing is Cumulative. Every step you take each day is moving you toward greater wholeness. You are initiating this process when you never blame yourself for the narcissistic mother you had, when you allow yourself to feel and express your feelings, when you cry and feel a sense of release, when you write spontaneously without editing or judging, when you do gentle yoga poses, breathing through the nostrils and acknowledge that each cell in your body/mind is renewing itself. Every time that you are in the parasympathetic nervous system zone—you are healing. Daughters of narcissistic mothers grow up in “running from the beast who will kill me” mode. Living with this fire drill constantly and the fires that have to be put out from these dreadful mothers makes a daughter feel endangered at all times. This has a drastic effect your psyche, mind, body and emotions. Many narcissistic mothers besides their extreme abuse, deprive and neglect their daughters. I have heard that they have never been hugged by their so called mothers. They were told that they were never wanted.. They were ignored. Some of them were left hungry as small children and not fed. This is the truth. There are other daughters who were given what their body needed by their souls and psyches were starved and they were the recipients of narcissistic abuse simultaneously.
Develop a healing program that works for you. Some benefit from excellent psychotherapy. Be sure to interview several therapists. Yes, there are excellent ones but there are also narcissistic psychotherapists who are after your emotional dependency and most important to them—-your money. Some narcissistic psychotherapist overcharge without blinking an eye. Exercise helps to strengthen the immune system and modulates your moods and reduces anxiety and helps your sleep. Some of those healing, take up a meditation practice. This can be done in a variety of ways. You can doing walking meditation, sitting meditation. Do what works for you. If it is two minutes or less, this is meditation. It is intention in action and consistency. If you miss a day or more, do not judge. If you love Nature, embrace it. It is there to heal us.
If you love color, take photographs, view art in any number of forms, listen to music and flow with it. Acupuncture for some is a source of experiencing the parasympathetic nervous system, the ultimate in relaxation and calm.
Know that your healing is accumulating every day. Stay in touch with your loving heart.
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life