Adult daughters of narcissistic mothers have one of the most difficult life routes of all. Many of them were never wanted; they were psychologically abandoned; some were regularly beaten. They always felt their mother’s secret and often un-secret loathing of them. Narcissistic mothers are often very envious of their daughters. They hate the child they have produced who is more intelligent, attractive, likeable, creative than they. These mothers often keep the father from having any meaningful interactions with their daughters. Cruel, cold, hateful, secretive, malicious—these non-mothers tell lies about their daughters in their efforts to have the father estrange himself from his own daughter. In some cases this works and the father is seduced into believing these living vipers.
Most people will never understand what you have endured. They cannot conceive of someone so malevolent. Will—-THEY ARE MALEVOLENT!
You have survived the extreme abuse of a narcissistic mother. You are entitled to heal. Don’t think in terms of how much time it will take. This must become an essential in your life. This begins with the people you bring into your daily life and those to whom you say “no” because they are toxic narcissists. You don’t want to put yourself in this kind of jeopardy ever again. Some daughters of narcissistic mothers are drawn toward charming narcissists, are seduced by them, marry them and repeat their destructive childhood pattern of abuse.
Let inner peace, creativity, loving relationships be your guide. List the essentials for your life each day. Some of these can be—quality sleep, exercise that you enjoy, gentle yoga or some form of movement that involves using the breath to put you in a relaxation zone. Some find that journaling–writing spontaneously brings a release, relief and a healing. Let yourself cry and grieve over the mother you didn’t have. Some of these daughters find that quality psychotherapy helps them to work through the painful feelings of having had a narcissistic mother. Make sure that the therapist is empathic, understands the narcissistic personality, is clinically well qualified and of course, is not a narcissist. You might be surprised about how many therapists are narcissistic and are operating by the money incentive.Spend time with Nature, even if you live in an urban environment. Being in the presence of Nature is a great healer. Write a list of activities that you have longed to do. Surround yourself with a few people who care deeply about your welfare and are available to you always.
Trust your intuition—it is a lifetime guide and companion. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life