Uncategorized - The Narcissist In Your Life

Don’t Let Your Narcissistic Spouse Run Off with Your Assets

Knowledge is power. You have heard that many times.When it comes to a narcissist this is particularly important. When you begin to intuit that your spouse is a narcissist, pay attention. Then, do your homework and inform yourself about the serious nature of this severe personality disorder. Many women stay married to narcissistic men—Let’s stay together for the children–We have a great lifestyle–There are no financial worries; I feel stable and secure. You can never be secure with a narcissist. They are never straight or true. They lie, cheat, convincingly put on the act of the “good person”, They are connivers and schemers.

Narcissists are exceedingly greedy. They love money and the status that can bring them in business and social circles. Narcissists conceal their money from their spouses. They make secret deals. They are super controllers. If you don’t protect yourself the narcissistic spouse will make all of the demands on you, treat you like dirt and eventually leave you. Narcissists change their wills without your knowledge. They buy and sell properties. They gamble it away. They are restless human beings that must always be entertained.

Protect yourself financially from your narcissistic spouse by insisting that you share all of the assets to which you are entitled. When the marriage goes south at least you will have the material means to take care of yourself. During a divorce in particular narcissists hide valuable assets and pretend that they are flat broke. They have been creating this scheme for a long time. Get ahead of them with your knowledge of their true nature, the assistance of highly informed professionals who can obtain the truth about your mutual finances and by keeping yourself psychologically and emotionally at a distance. These are tall orders but essential to your present and future. You are entitled financially, psychologically and emotionally to lead a life in which you use your potential, creative gifts, have meaningful relationships and feel deep inner peace. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

The Rise of High Level Sociopaths

In this post I am not speaking about the anti-social personality disorder who has been stealing cars since adolescence and has moved on to crimes of physical assault and robbing banks and eventually hard core jail time. The sociopath I am focusing on sits at the upper echelons of power in the private and public sectors of this country. To most people they are unrecognizable in this role. These individuals are beyond clever and cunning. They are masters of image, disguise and deceit. Many of them attend our finest universities, have the highest credentials in many professional fields. They are exalted in the highest levels of society, given honors and awards for their important work and looked up to as role models by their peers, communities and friends.

These sociopaths are a special breed of men and women. They often have a high intelligence quotient, have earned several degrees and have entered, climbed and succeeded to the pinnacle of their professions. Almost everyone is fooled by them. They have so many admirers and followers. Their main focus is in making enormous amounts of money and wielding ultimate power. There are no limits on their ambitions—It is endless. They are socially well placed and have learned the art of sizing up people early, have mastered all of the social skills and ways of flattering people into falling for them. They wield power and influence in their work over their associates. They act like team players but behind the scenes they are using others who will do their dirty work to plot and destroy their next competitor. They spread lies, create ugly scenarios, defame and eventually destroy anyone who gets in their way. I have heard many stories from their victims of lives decimated by these fawned over criminals in disguise.

The truth comes from those who have shared their private lives with this monsters. Some husbands and wives sacrifice their lives and sell their souls to share the public adulation, lifestyle and raw power that these sociopaths hold in the palms of their hands. Others finally discover that they can no longer live with the abuse, suspect that there is too much illegal, immoral and unethical behaviors occurring that they can no longer stomach and that they must sever these treacherous relationships to save themselves and their children. Divorces from these high level sociopaths are ugly to the max. Those who go forward and survive are relieved and finally free of the imprisonment and secrecy that has haunted them for decades.

Many in the current society, hyped by the media and entertainment empires, believe that those who ultimately win—even if other human beings are thrown to the wolves in the process, is perfectly ok—-even admired. Those who don’t or won’t or can’t play this brand of hard ball are wimps. The increase of narcissistic personality disorders over the last few decades is astounding. Along with this is the acceptance and rise of the highly skilled, charismatic, high level sociopath. They are seated in the midst of many power venues. All sociopaths are narcissists. Some narcissists are sociopaths. Both of these severe personality disorders fool most people, including some psychotherapists. To protect yourself from these highly destructive individuals, study these personality disorders in depth. There are many highly successful people in different kinds of professions who are humane, have great integrity and command respect. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Message to Narcissistic Mothers-Stop Putting Me Down

Narcissistic mothers are beyond difficult and they don’t become more civilized as they age. They play the dependent, “take care of me” card to the hilt (when they don’t need any assistance at all). If you are the child of a narcissistic mother, your life has been very difficult. It is hard for some people to recognize the extent and depth of their cruelties, betrayals and manipulations. If you are not the chosen child–God help you. Those who have had this experience have endured horrible abuse at the hands of the narcissistic mother. Often this mother is the matriarch of the entire family. The father is put in the background. Mother rules over him and the other members of the family. She forms alliances with children whom she can mold into clones of herself or those whom she can use as willing servants who will adore her despite their abuse of them. Then there are the sons and daughters who recognize that this woman whom they call mother doesn’t deserve this name.. She exists only for herself. She is cruel and vindictive with her children—even infants and her very young children. Some children of these dreadful mothers are fortunate to be raised by kind nannies and babysitters. Often these children call these surrogates mother. The biological narcissistic mother doesn’t have an authentic relationship with her children. She is incapable of any kind of intimate relationship.

Years of maternal narcissistic abuse are endured. Some children of these families survive by leaving the home early and seeking education on their own. Some are fortunate to find other family members who will take them in

Even well into adulthood some children of narcissistic mothers are constantly disturbed by the cruel comments, the lies spread about their characters and the direct insults that these non-mothers project on their children. They send constant emails and texts, uninvited calls. The adult child of this abuse discovers that he or she is the source of malicious rumors. Often the motive of the narcissistic mother is sadistic She want to bring down her own child. The visual image I am reminded of in thinking of these women is that of the ancient Greek goddess Medusa who horrifies us with her ferocity and fills us with dread as we watch her wearing writhing coils of live snakes encircling her head. The snakes in the narcissistic mother’s hair cannot be removed. They are a vital part of her. It is time to take a stand and separate from her psychologically for good. This isn’t easy but necessary to your psychological and emotional health.

Stop letting her put you down. Don’t be present or the volleys of criticisms, the malicious lies, the psychological ambushes, the toxic innuendos. Use your intuition to wisely tell you how and when to leave her and all of the suffering behind. I have been in contact with many sons and daughters of narcissistic mothers who have made this journey of separation and have found that they now are finally free for the first time in their lives to make their own decisions, to think creatively, to make their own plans, to use their talents and gifts, to form relationships with those whom they choose. You deserve the comfort of deep inner peace, a spacious mind, the freedom of using your creativity and the comfort and compassion of those who care deeply about you. Visit my website: wwwthenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Spouses of Narcissists-Narrowing All of Your Life Options

You cannot be the spouse of a narcissist and be free to be yourself. I don’t care how independent and talented you are. The narcissist takes space in certain crevices of the mind and heart that cannot be overlooked. Even those with concentration and focus are disturbed on some level by sharing their lives with a narcissistic personality disorder. They nibble away at our hope, creativity and optimism. They are not only completely self absorbed, they insist on taking chunks of us, picking here and there. For spouses who are more dependent and vulnerable, they can leave this person completely helpless, unable to make their own decisions, immobilized psychologically.

Narcissists emotionally and mentally drain those close to them. They suck life out of their children, creating little narcissists out of those whom they think have the best inherent material. They weaken, deride, humiliate and endeavor to psychologically annihilate the ones who don’t come up to their standards. Those left behind, when they survive, can become very strong, individuated and creative. They have been through the worst, having a parent who was incapable of loving them authentically but now they are overcoming this and fulfilling their dreams and potential.

Those who stay with narcissists in endless empty marriages continue to narrow their life options. Always in the back of the their minds they are wondering what he or she is going to demand of them next. It’s like constantly fighting a rip tide. There are no breaks, no respite. The narcissist will never change. Many spouses make rationalizations about the “good times”—the lifestyle, the excitement of having lovely possessions, the romantic thrall of the narcissistic partner, the over the top promises, the dreams spun of pure gold, the going to the heights fantasies that linger in the mind. This is the delusion that the narcissist sells to his/her spouse.

As the years go by—sharing them with a narcissist– becomes more difficult to keep your life options free and creative. Many spouses wake up–sometimes on the brink of a psychological or physical breakdown and finally know that they must get out, even if they have to leave everything behind them. I have communicated with many spouses who have been through this process. It is difficult and and can be frightening. Recognize that as you move through this, there is a part of you that has been screaming at the top of your lungs to be free. After the formal proceedings are over, your time will come. You will return to your original self and find that you beginning to walk, then jog, then run toward all the opportunities that have been waiting for you. Now you have the wind at your back. Enjoy the beautiful view and breathe in glorious freedom. Visit my website:www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

High Level Male Narcissists – Size Matters

You’ve heard the expression “Size matters.” In this case I am talking about high level narcissist’s:

Expanding egos, outrageous sense of entitlement, multiple stock and asset portfolios, number of homes, yachts, vacation homes, private jets, helicopters, vintage cars, outrageous salaries and bonuses. I understand that some of the receivers of these obscene amounts of money are now whining because some people have publicized that they are being unfair to customers by charging extra fees at their banks. Can you imagine how anyone would have the hubris to complain and moan about this. Well, believe it. High level narcissists are always surprising to those who are not narcissists. I see a lot of “narcissists in training” these days. They fawn over high level narcissists who are left unaccountable in any legal or moral way, who help themselves to obscene payoffs while those whom they harm, in the millions, are left behind, grabbing for crumbs or to lick the bottom of a dry bowl.

I hear from the spouses of high level narcissists. Some are willing to make the deal with the devil and stay married to them because they are afraid of being on their own, are more delusional than they think and have become too accustomed to the lifestyle to give it up. Others are desperately trying to gather up the courage and knowledge to leave these psychopathological nightmares. Some make the break and sever the marriage and get back their real lives. They have great courage and resolve. Many of them report that it was the best decision they have ever made.

What matters is quality—-of your kindness, empathy, use of your creative gifts, support of friends and family members who need your help now. And what about the people you meet who through no fault of their own are without any kind of support—financial, psychological, medical or otherwise. Fortunately, I have heard from exceptional people who are moving along spiritually—-They think about those who are suffering and how they can help to alleviate that pain; they think about living more simply; they care deeply about how we are destroying Nature with collective greed; they think about contributing to the quality of their lives and the lives of others. Make yourself heard. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation:United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Identify Covert Narcissists-Show Them the Door

Covert narcissists are among the most difficult to recognize. They have such a smooth act going that they have been practicing all of their lives. How can someone who is so self-effacing and self critical, be such a louse. That’s because they have learned to play so many roles with great skill. Some of them are: “I’m helpless and need you desperately.” “You are the most wonderful person I have ever met. I don’t deserve you.” “I want you to be my mentor; I look up to you.” “You are so great; I want to be just like you.” “I have fallen in love with you and can’t let you go.” That last one is one of the best if we can admit it.

First, take time to research in depth all of the facets of the narcissistic personality disorder. Beneath the well faked humility, the covert narcissist possesses all of these traits. He/she may not be grandiose and they usually aren’t. But they feel superior to others, are self absorbed, deceitful, manipulative, chronic liars and exploitive without a pinch of empathy.

Especially if you are very attracted to this person, hold off on your impulses to get more intimate and take a long view and a microscopic look at this individual. It is well worth your effort and time. You will spare yourself a lot of misery not getting caught up in the narcissistic web. Always use your intuition. If you are finely tuned to it, they will give themselves away. Be patient and highly discerning. I wish you the very best. I know you will prevail. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon and amazon kindle editionEmail: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissistic Older Brother Colludes with Narcissistic Mother

There are certain pathological and destructive patterns that run through narcissistic families. Each family is unique but there are repetitions of unjust and cruel maneuvers that take place when a narcissistic older brother is the mother’s favorite perfect son and the two of them collude. This is particularly the case where financial assets and properties are involved. Plans between these two are made well in advance before other family members are suspicious. The father who is considered weak and stupid by the narcissistic wife is out of the picture. The narcissistic mother married him for the family money that he controlled or his lucrative business. That was her goal from the first time she met him. I want to emphasize that these narcissists plan ahead—not in weeks or months but years ahead. They are so entitled and over-confident and nervy that they believe they can get whatever they want because they are so brilliant and clever.

If you suspect that the favored sibling is a narcissist, do everything you can to become highly informed about this serious personality disorder. At some point you may decide to hire an attorney to protect your interests. Other siblings may be fooled by the golden boy narcissist. There is nothing you can do to convince them that this person has a very defective character that is not going to change. Talk is very cheap and narcissists are excellent at using their lying words to convince others they are telling the truth.

I have observed too many cases in which the narcissistic golden child was given the benefit of the doubt that he is looking out for all of his siblings. Even if it is a biological sibling, this person has no right to take what belongs to you. Observe very keenly and maintain your sense of focus and inner steadiness. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Surviving Your Narcissistic Family-You are an Extraordinary Individual

Growing up in a narcissistic family is one of the most difficult and painful legacies. You have been surrounded by some family members whom you thought you could trust and who cared about you. But that is not the case. In some instances one of the parents is able to give his/her children enough love and attention to be spared. In others, the child is on his own to make his way. Sometimes, brothers and sisters stick together to protect themselves from the narcissistic parent and the golden child that has been chosen and created. Those who discover early that they must fend for themselves have a very hard road ahead. They use everything inside of them to remain strong and move ahead. Some of these children have to pretend that they are going along with the narcissistic parent and obeying them to keep the peace. Inside their minds, they know that the narcissist is cruel and deluded. Other children are less fortunate. They keep thinking that it is their fault that the parent does not love them. I have known of adult children of narcissists who are still suffering, looking for love from a parent who will never give anything to them.

What is extraordinary is the child of a narcissist who becomes a compassionate empathetic human being. Against all odds, this person not only survived the horrendous abuse and neglect of this family but they became a solitary force of love, kindness and compassion to all of those who touch their lives. They carry the scars of what happened in this cauldron of cruelty and neglect but are determined to make their lives different—and they have. These individuals deserve our respect. They are people of high consciousness that bring needed light into a world. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Use Your Intuition-No Contact with Narcissist

You have been suffering from breaking up and going back with your narcissistic ex for years. You know the pattern. You don’t him see or hear from him in several months after one of your many partings. He calls; you are hooked again. I communicate with a number of women who are trapped in this repetitious pattern. Many of them have been married to narcissists. Each time they resume the relationship, they believe that this time it is all going to work. Narcissists are not capable of loving or being loyal with other human beings. They have a serious personality that is not going to change. They are false selves, often with an irresistible facade. Most people fall for this and believe that the persona is the real person. This is not the case.

Instead of repeating a psychological pattern that is harmful to you, use your intuition—listen to this voice of wisdom within you—. When the narcissist makes contact or you feel the need to call, email or text him, listen to your intuition say no. Intuitive messages move through us very quickly. We learn to be attuned to them. This is a great gift. The more consistently you use intuition the more finely tuned it becomes. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Sociopathic Narcissists-Don’t Wait for Formal Justice in This Lifetime

If you have been psychologically, financially and/or emotionally damaged by a sociopathic narcissists, sociopath, don’t wait for for him or her to be brought to justice –formal or informal–in this lifetime. It is chilling to watch how these non-blood drawing criminals get away with destroying the lives of others.

I am in communication with individuals whose lives have been eclipsed, diminished and disrupted by these people. They are so clever at covering their tracks and if they live and work at the higher reaches of a current society where many value absolute power and materialism, they are assured of being protected by business and social associates that give them praise, veneration and blind loyalty. These tight groups of deceit and exclusivity reflexively close ranks and protect destructive and abominable behaviors.

On the opposite side of the divide are individuals of the finest character. Despite their professional achievements, their socioeconomic status and all of the praise they receive, they never forget that they are no more important or valuable than any other human being. In fact, they are grateful for what they have achieved. They are aware of the suffering and difficulties of others who are not as fortunate as they are.

If you are still involved with a sociopathic narcissist, you know deep inside that your life is compromised and and you are being whittled down by this controlling, demanding personality. I hear from women who for decades have been married to these men and will not leave them. They are paying a very high price for this decision. Their identities have been blurred, their creative opportunities have been squelched and their nervous systems are worn from the chronic harsh criticisms, constant demands, intimidations and betrayals by their partners.

When you make the decision to sever the relationship from the sociopathic narcissist, this is an enormous step in reclaiming your life. It takes tremendous courage. You are demanding to have what belongs to you: a life that is filled with hope, creative energy, the possibilities of reciprocal love and respect and inner peace. Gather your support group around you. Research the best attorneys and interview them in depth. Call upon your spiritual practice if you have one, keep yourself physically strong through consistent exercise. Stay in the present but envision the freedom and all of the opportunities that await in this next phase of your life. Take hold of your destiny with open arms. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com