Narcissistic Personality - The Narcissist In Your Life

Covert Narcissists—Get Wise to Their Acts, Baits and Incessant Cruelties

Covert narcissists are among the most difficult to decipher. The can appear to be shy. They are excellent method actors, pretending to be your best friend. Covert Narcissists are magnanimous. They are always watching to get the inside track on you. Most people don’t notice any of these behaviors until these disguised enemies bare their sharp teeth.

Covert narcissists come on treacly, sugary, dependent, overprotective of you and caring. But you begin to notice here and there they are planting small digs at you. They dig and then come back to be your best friend, your confidante. They play the confidante role to the hilt. This is a big red flag. As you look carefully at the covert narcissist, they display no genuine empathy. If you recall clearly, you now know they wanted something from you from the beginning. They were obsessed with taking your power and putting themselves in your place.

Covert narcissists are incessantly cruel. They lie in the weeds. When you are the most vulnerable they strike with extended claws. Never share how you feel with a covert narcissist—that you are down, having to struggle emotionally or financially. They will find these times to demean and humiliate you. Once they have you where they want you the covert narcissist quickly discards you. They believe they’ve gotten rid of you and annihilated you. This pleases them. They are at the top of the heap; you are at the bottom. You now see them clearly with artifice or mask. They are incapable of genuine feelings or empathy. They are cold. They plot all of the time, using their cunning to stalk their human prey. Covert narcissists are highly competitive. They will fight you to the death psychologically. They are incredible competitors. Don’t let them get the better of you or any part of you. Learn about the narcissistic personality disorder in-depth. Assert your own power, mental steadiness and your sense of self entitlement. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: [email protected]

Covert Narcissists-Their Devious Traps and Snares

Covert narcissists on their game are so smooth, you don’t realize you have been psychologically mugged until it is too late. The covert narcissist is a genius at putting you off guard. The conversation begins pleasantly. There are easy verbal exchanges at first. You become spontaneous with this person. You are on a roll and having a good time. Then, without any warning, come the precision cuts with a very sharp instrument the primitive projections of the the covert narcissist.

Different covert narcissists have perfected different styles for ambushing you and making you feel worthless, incompetent, anxious,confused, unsure of yourself, emotionally hurt and ultimately very angry. There are who appear to ask innocent questions. They want to get to know you. You start to get comfortable with them. You let down your defenses. They start to ask personal questions beyond what kind of work do you do. How much do you make. What are the taxes on your house. How much did it cost to re-do your kitchen, how much money do you have in the bank,how are your stocks doing and which ones do you have, what are they worth, do you have any illnesses, are you divorced, single, between marriages, and on and on. It never stops. Covert narcissists have no psychological boundaries, no respected or awareness of the feelings of others.When they find a sore spot they probe more deeply. You are now becoming more and more uncomfortable and anxious but you feel compelled to answer them.You are afraid they will become angry with you. You are being overwhelmed by the force of their personality. They view themselves as supreme controllers. Your private information give them a feeling of power over you that they can use to manipulate your feelings.

Another covert narcissist style is the Humble Bragger. They are clever and subtle asking about how you are first. You tell them, believing that they are sincere. They have mastered the sincerity act. They seem to be humble, very interested in you. They offer you bouquets of compliments and hang on your every word. After you have revealed yourself, they go into their Can You Top This Mode. They brag about how much money they make, the important people they know personally and with whom they are connected both professionally and socially. One phone call will get them any job they want at the highest levels. They attend parties with the creme de la creme of the inner circles of the A list people. (These are usually Super Narcissists). With all of this bragging they are inflating themselves and clearly implying that you don’t have anything of value to offer. They have flipped you over like a spider that can’t make himself upright with all of his efforts. They leave you doubting yourself, feeling “less than” , frustrated with yourself and angry.
Learn to recognize these narcissists in disguise. They are very subtle. Most people don’t recognize them. Be assertive with them. Don’t answer their questions. You can say: I don’t answer personal questions. Stick with your answer. Study the narcissistic personality disorder, recognizing that this is another version that you can learn to identify. Keep your distance from them if you can. If you have to interact with them, keep reminding yourself of who they really are —–They are worse than wolves in sheep’s clothing. They can be downright diabolical.

Practice quieting the mind through meditation in the way that works best for you. Keep tuning into your intuition. This capacity will reveal their true nature to you. Practice gentle yoga with emphasis on the breath. Meditation develops clear mental discernment and detachment from toxic individuals. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Covert Narcissists-Their Sadistic Drive to Psychologically Injure You II

Covert narcissists are so verbally adept. Know that when they call you something is up. They rehearse their lines. Actually, they have been deceptive for so long that trying to get the best of you is natural to them. Covert narcissists can be so subtle that if you tell someone else that you are being worked over by one of these vipers in disguise, they won’t believe you. Don’t wait to get agreement or even support from many people. They cruise about saying:”Oh, she is such a nice person; you must be exaggerating” or “Just ignore it. She doesn’t mean it” or “You’re overly sensitive. Toughen up. Don’t take things so seriously.” I hear from those who have been chronically victimized and shoved around psychologically by covert narcissists. I believe them—exactly what they are saying.

There are a number of covert narcissists and a growing number of narcissists sprouting every day in this superficial cultural environment. Many are just looking at the externals: how attractive is this person, are they making lots of money, how well educated are they and did they go to “right” schools, are they bright, are they popular. Responding in the correct way to these questions is often the measure a person takes of your value as a human being. How absurd and cruel! Becoming keenly aware how to identify and deal with the covert narcissist will help you to protect yourself from them, to maintain clear boundaries from their toxicity and to independently go forward with your life, goals, relationships and personal growth.

Covert narcissists are control obsessed. They are masterful at the art of conversation, especially if they are trying to impress you or if they want something from you. If you catch them off-guard the conversation can be very ugly. They will snipe away at you, pecking away bit by bit until they draw the psychological blood they have been seeking. They happily feed off of others. Don’t become a victim of these bloodsuckers and below the belt punchers. Remember, they only live for themselves and those whom they have chosen for their inner circle of admirers. Admirers are brainwashed to believe that this covert narcissist is a close friend and confident. The covert narcissist glories in his/her circle. He controls them with the velvet glove—-offering and fulfilling many of their wishes to keep them feeling good and to deepen their dependence on this person. This is like a small cult of personality. The members of the circle look to the covert narcissist as the leader and authority figure. For the covert narcissist this is an incredible source of narcissistic supply.

Regardless of their charm, their golden words and the favors they do for you, always remember that they are narcissists—–cold, calculating, ruthless, completely lack empathy, deceptive, clever liars, very secretive, exploitative. If you get on their wrong side, watch out—they are filled with a roiling chasm of volcanic rage that never ends. They know how to wound and keep wounding you. Learn about covert narcissists in-depth. When you identify them, be fore warned. No matter how lovely, charming and magnetic they are—this is all a very convincing act. Keep you distance. You cannot have any kind of relationship with a covert narcissist.

Put the emphasis on your own psychological and spiritual (as you define it) development. Expand and deepen your creative gifts. You will find individuals who are not narcissists and are capable of deeply caring about and appreciating you as you are. Pay attention to your intuition—It is the source of truth. To learn about the narcissistic personality disorder in-depth, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
TELEPHONE CONSULTATION: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com, Barnes and Noble, etc.
Email: [email protected]

Covert Narcissists Throw You Off Guard and Take You Down

The covert narcissist, who can be difficult to identify until you have been bitten by him or her, flies under the radar. They wear the dress and manner of civility, empathy (of course finely tuned false empathy) and humility. This is their masterful facade—Covert narcissists are often mistaken for caring human beings who value your well being above yours.The covert narcissist is not grandiose. In the beginning he doesn’t brag about himself.

He appears to look up to you. The covert narcissist works on your ego needs to feel special, important, bright, talented. These individuals are great performers. How self sacrificing and dutiful can you get!

If you are a good catch as a marital partner (You are a well respected professional; you come from a prominent well connected family; you have an enviable financial portfolio) the covert narcissist is stepping over himself with compliments. You are superior, brilliant, talented, accomplished—the most extraordinary person he has ever met. It isn’t long before the CN has control of your feelings. You have fallen for him. You are lapping up the narcissistic supplies as the CN is throwing bouquets of roses at your feet. You feel adored for the first time in your life.

You marry the CN. It doesn’t take long for the dark side of the CN to appear behind closed doors. The core narcissistic personality is revealed in all of its ugliness–the demands, non stop criticisms, accusations, recriminations, manipulations. Barrages of insults fill the air; you are suffocating with anxiety. The spouse of the narcissist is worn down and exhausted, living in a state of ongoing apprehension, anxiety and hyper vigilance.

The disparity between the humble, charming facade of the CV and his real nature is astounding. Often the psychologically injured spouse is not believed. and further abused. Isolated, worn down and desperate the covert narcissist swoops in to take you down—financially, emotionally, psychologically. He finds another willing partner—someone else whom he can fool, use and abuse. To protect yourself and learn about the narcissistic personality disorder in-depth, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com, Barnes and Noble, widely distributed as a book and eBook
Email: [email protected]

Covert Narcissists: Martyrs in Sackcloth–Endless Pity Parties

Covert narcissists are so clever that they fool most people. They are like skilled double agents, trained to the highest level. They present themselves as humble, self-effacing and lacking entitlement. They praise you excessively, telling your how attractive you are, how much you have accomplished. They admire you–“I could never have achieved what you have done. You are talented and brilliant and beautiful besides.” These comments roll out of their mouths like watching your streaming breath on a cold winter night. They put you on the highest pedestal. They have never met anyone like you. They feel so lucky and are in awe. Many women lap this up because the level of acting is high. Covert narcissists have their scripts down to every gesture and word nuance. They know when you are at your most vulnerable and take advantage with perfect timing.

If you become involved with a covert narcissist and something goes wrong–he/she is not getting everything he wants, he will play the martyr in sackcloth role. “I have given you myself unconditionally and look how you have hurt me. I can’t take this kind of abuse.” You might as well reverse these words because it is the covert narcissist who has eclipsed your life, made outrageous demands, who constantly lies, breaks promises and humiliates you. And then there is the pseudo self pity. “I thought my life had changed when I met you. You make things so hard for me. You are so demanding I can’t stand it. You married me to get ahold of my money and leave me for someone else” There are too many pity parties to count. Some spouses and partners of covert narcissists feel guilty and believe that this person is the victim and that they must do everything they can (even if it disrupts their life horribly) to soothe and give in to the covert narcissist’s bottomless “needs.” These “needs” mean constant worship and adulation, jumping the minute he makes irrational demands, believing his chronic lies, returning for more verbal abuse, allowing him to exhaust your psychological and sometimes financial resources.

Take the time to learn how to quickly recognize the covert narcissist and to keep him out of your life. If he/she is part of your life now and you realize who this person really is, seriously think about severing this relationship. Take care of yourself first—the covert narcissist is only watching out for himself despite his sackcloth and ashes and endless pity parties. To learn about the narcissistic personality in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: [email protected]

Covert Narcissists—Doing their Dirty Work in Secret

When we think of narcissists the grandiose, man or woman of the hour, magnetic figure comes into our minds. Certainly there are many highly successful narcissists who fit this description.

There is another kind of narcissist I call covert whom most people would never think possesses the same fixed and destructive psychopathology as his extroverted relative. Coverts are always under cover. They appear to be meek. We see them blending into the background–always at our service. Some of them drip with compliments to us. They become instant followers. They are full of compliments They ask us questions that make us look very smart. Their body gestures are humble and self-effacing. They appear to be embarrassed by their own presence.

Covert narcissists are very sneaky. They get as much inside personal information they can about you.. They put this in their back pocket so they can use it on you later when they decide to make a power move and wipe you out. They thread themselves closer and closer into your life. This happens in many romantic relationships. The CV has done some research and realizes quickly that you are a great catch—short or long range–a week, a month or even a marriage. Coverts like to see their plans become successful. This is all done with deliberately. Narcissists don’t love anyone–always remember, they are incapable of any real real feelings for another human being that denotes affection, love, caring, etc. With their quiet ways, they draw you in. You may even feel sorry for the CV who is making a play for you He or she is awkward and you think this is innocent and charming. Finally you fall hard, especially if the intimacy card is well played. If you are just coming off of a painful divorce and breakup, all the better for the CV. You are very vulnerable.

The CV treats you like royalty–Anything you want honey? I’m here for you 24/7. This is so appealing to most women. “What a selfless kind person this is?” “Finally, someone I can trust.” None of this is true but you don’t know that yet. Months go by and everything is wonderfully intense and exciting. Not long and the marriage plans are made. After you have been together for a while you start to notice that the sarcastic remarks are pointed at you more frequently, the accusations are coming more rapidly; you see his lips curl more often. But then he’s all sweetness again and you are thrown off. He tells you a story that you believe. He has been having a rough time financially—some bad breaks due to unscrupulous people that took advantage of him. You believe him and give him access to your private bank accounts. They are placed in both of your names. He has already researched your family’s monetary worth and becomes very chummy with your parents. They trust him completely as well. Time moves forward but the nature of the narcissist does not change. You are being betrayed and keep making excuses for his lack of attention to you, his dismissiveness. One day when you least suspect it, he decides you are causing him too much stress and the answer is a divorce. You can’t believe it but it is true. You have been set up all of this time. He hires a very tough attorney and fights you cunningly. As a result he ends up with half of all the assets. Weeks later in the aftermath while you are wiped out from the horror of this experience, he has flown out of town on the winds–of course with the goods he intended to take from you minutes after he met and seduced you. This happens frequently with CVs. They have such great cover and a masterful act. To protect yourself from the covert narcissist, research the narcissistic personality. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: [email protected]

Covert Narcissists–Holier Than Thou Kind

Covert narcissists attire themselves in different camouflages. They are your psychological enemy if you marry them. Despite their pseudo humility or even fake holiness, inside they are narcissistic personalities. They method act the empathy superbly. They give you all of their attention and more when they are actively chasing you or want what you have. One of the most difficult CN’s to recognize is the “saintly” one. (Those who are seeking God or trying to be better human beings through spiritual teachings are completely exempt from this post).

Many of the holy CN’s are brainwashed and insist that you are a sinner. If they are your relatives this becomes intolerable. They tell you that you are going to hell if you don’t believe the way they do. You are looked down upon. Holy covert narcissists know what is best for your soul. They never stop trying to save you. They riddle you with guilt. Growing up in a family of saintly CN’s is particularly challenging. Children often feel guilty that they cannot come up to the moral level of their relatives.

Be sure you don’t marry one of these pretenders. Highly spiritual people are nonjudgmental. They tend to their own souls and have compassion for you as a person. They wish you well and have respect for you, even if you are an atheist.

To protect yourself from entanglements with covert narcissists, study their personality structures deeply. Know what makes them tick and be aware of all of the costumes that they wear to fool you. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life

Image Mad Narcissists

Narcissists are rampant these days. Their “values” of materialism, outer image, greediness, hubris are often accepted in the media as positive attributes or at the most idiosyncrasies that must be overlooked because they are so successful. It doesn’t matter that they have abandoned all of their children, except the new born baby that the newest wife forty years younger has just presented as the latest narcissistic supply to “daddy.” It’s not important that narcissistic mothers and fathers are never home to take care of their children because they are wedded to their careers and abandon babies to nannies and sitters when the child is too young to hold up his/her head. It’s of no concern when children of narcissists don’t develop a conscience and become holy terrors. It’s inconsequential that narcissists as parents are disasters. All that matters is that the impeccable outer shell of an image of perfection is maintained. Most of the public accepts the elaborate mask of the narcissist as long as he or she is beautiful, handsome, a high placed celebrity, has wealth, style and charisma and is entertaining.

It is the children of narcissists who suffer the most. They are the ones who see, hear and experience the dark side of these so-called parents. Every day they endure the criticisms, mockings, ridicule and humiliations meted out by these severe personality disorders. Then there is the complete lack of attention, the dismissiveness of these parents. They are either physically absent or when they are home, have nothing to do with their children. They are too busy with gratifying themselves with their latest material possessions, incessant parties and meetings that revolve around them. Narcissistic parents are usually in a rush. They don’t have time for their children. Children take time and our attention—-Quality time—-five minutes a day doesn’t cut it. It never will.

I frequently hear painful stories of adult children who were psychologically abandoned by their narcissistic parent(s) since they were infants. They know they were never loved. Some of them are suffering to this day. They can’t believe how this happened to them. It is so sad and disheartening to witness and hear their stories.

Many children of narcissistic parents reverse their perceptions of themselves, recognize their authenticity, realize that these people who gave them their DNA could not parent and find ways to heal themselves. Some benefit from quality psychotherapy; others use healing modalities like yoga, meditation, guided meditation. It is remarkable how far they have come and the quality of their empathy is striking. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon and amazon kindle edition
Email: [email protected]

Surviving Your Narcissistic Family-You are an Extraordinary Individual

Growing up in a narcissistic family is one of the most difficult and painful legacies. You have been surrounded by some family members whom you thought you could trust and who cared about you. But that is not the case. In some instances one of the parents is able to give his/her children enough love and attention to be spared. In others, the child is on his own to make his way. Sometimes, brothers and sisters stick together to protect themselves from the narcissistic parent and the golden child that has been chosen and created. Those who discover early that they must fend for themselves have a very hard road ahead. They use everything inside of them to remain strong and move ahead. Some of these children have to pretend that they are going along with the narcissistic parent and obeying them to keep the peace. Inside their minds, they know that the narcissist is cruel and deluded. Other children are less fortunate. They keep thinking that it is their fault that the parent does not love them. I have known of adult children of narcissists who are still suffering, looking for love from a parent who will never give anything to them.

What is extraordinary is the child of a narcissist who becomes a compassionate empathetic human being. Against all odds, this person not only survived the horrendous abuse and neglect of this family but they became a solitary force of love, kindness and compassion to all of those who touch their lives. They carry the scars of what happened in this cauldron of cruelty and neglect but are determined to make their lives different—and they have. These individuals deserve our respect. They are people of high consciousness that bring needed light into a world. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissists-Using Lies to Invent Their Truth

Narcissists are compulsive liars—-they can’t help themselves. This is not an excuse for their abominable behavior. It is part of their psychopathology. Narcissists spend their lives in a state of delusion, a world of their making. They find others to share this delusion with them. If they are highly successful they have no difficulty finding those who are willing to “play with them” and share their lifestyles. At the core of it, the narcissist is a very small petulant child who has major tantrums if he doesn’t get everything he wants.

One of the chief ways the narcissist reaches his goals is through lying—overt and covert lies. He/she often bad mouths others, makes efforts to destroy their characters and professional status to move themselves foreword up the ladder. They have no compunctions about lying to everyone. They have clever concocted stories for each person in their inner circle and for the world at large. They lie to their spouses all of the time, to their children—promising them they will spend time with them and then making excuses at the last minute. Narcissists never show up for their children unless it is the favorite golden child that they have picked to be their alter ego. They are very keen at inventing “truths”—intricate stories out of whole cloth. People believe them, even highly sophisticated individuals who should know better. It is the charm and magnetism that camouflages their perfidy every time. Once the narcissist has established power in the world he continues with his lies. He says the opposite of what he does. He promises constantly and never honors these proclamations. He knows that he can create his own reality and if this involves ripping people off for millions of dollars over and over again, or destroying the lives of his children because he was neglectful and cruel, causing so much stress that his spouse becomes very ill—-none of this matters. He faces those who confront his lying with more lies. And this works for the high and mighty these days. We live in a highly narcissistic age where these people are running most of the show. Learn everything you can about the narcissistic personality disorder. Protect yourself from these highly disturbed predatory individuals. Lead your own life, using your many creative gifts. Visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com