Divorcing Your Narcissist - The Narcissist In Your Life

Narcissistic Rage Harms Spouses and Children

“The force of narcissistic rage is cataclysmic, designed to leave no survivors. The timing of its eruptions is unpredictable. There is no chance to escape and run for cover. The victim feels invaded even assaulted. The aftermath causes emotional pain and devastation.” (From Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life by Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.)

Step Out of the Narcissist’s Delusional World Now

“The narcissist lives in an intricate world of his making dominated by inflated illusions of self importance. His style is grandiose—like some peacock or wild turkey with feathers in full display…Experiencing himself at the center of life like a sun surrounded by encircling planets, the narcissist believes that everything flows from him.” (From:
Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life). You are “real” to the narcissist and defined by what you can achieve for him not who you are. The narcissist expects you to follow his lead and stroke his ego. Your independent thought is foreign to him and considered inferior.

Narcissists run cold about the feelings of others, especially spouses and children. If you are upset, never expect to be comforted. The narcissist may make a few noises in your direction but then he’s off to his own pursuits. To get along with a narcissist you are expected to share his delusions of greatness at the same time that you ignore the devastating psychological effects of the harm you are enduring. Eventually, the non-narcissistic spouse may recognize that this is not a genuine relationship. Quite often there is a painful back and forth vacillation that occurs. The injured spouse decides to take the narcissist back, even re-marries him and has additional children only to find out that this person has not changed. The narcissist becomes even more manipulative and ruthless, leading to a serious personal crisis for the non-narcissist. Narcissists walk blithely away from the emotional chaos they have created. They are bored with all of the “theatrics” of their spouses, their “overreactions.” Often they have someone else who has already replaced the psychologically abused spouse. Many narcissists abandon their children, figuring that it is much easier to produce some new ones with someone else.

Learn to identify in depth the specific characteristics of the narcissistic personality—their quirks, tricks, games, ruses and understand that it is not worth giving your life to someone who is absolutely incapable of emotional intimacy or empathy and will not change. If you are already in a marital situation with a narcissist that is causing havoc in your life, seriously consider severing this “relationship.” Think clearly about the steps you need to take to maintain your emotional and psychological stamina. Remind yourself that you deserve to lead a life that belongs to you that gives you every opportunity to use your creative gifts, to make decisions freely, to experience inner peace and, yes, joy. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Disentangling Yourself From Narcissistic Husband

Many women marry narcissistic men without knowing it. It is very easy to be taken in by these super charmers. If you now recognize that you are married to this man, you experience his Jekyll/Hyde traits—-magnetic and charismatic, wearing his public persona. Everyone in his adoring audience is applauding–This is Dr. Jekyll. Behind closed doors another hidden personality comes out of the shadows—Yes, Mr. Hyde is here. Mr. Hyde strikes fear in his spouse. He is filled with endless rage that spews out in frightening ways. He is always right; you are always wrong. Mr. Hyde criticizes you, expecting you to be perfect. When you let down and think that your life is becoming calmer, your spouse verbally demeans you, calls you worthless and stupid, causing severe emotional distress. You ask yourself: Should I stay in this marriage. Maybe, I’m at fault. If I tried harder, was more patient, gave him more of a chance, we could work it out.

This kind of thinking will prolong the narcissistic spouse’s verbal abuse and your constant anxiety, depression and feelings of being trapped. Study the narcissistic personality disorder in-depth. Narcissists do not change; this is a fixed characterlogical disorder. Narcissists are not only pleased with themselves; they are ecstatic about their perfect selves, their mastery and control of others and the adulation of their adoring circle. Work consistently at becoming stronger psychologically and using your creative gifts. Take time practicing quieting your mind with gentle yoga and meditation in the way that these healing modalities work for you. As you develop a sense of separateness and a greater appreciation of yourself as a unique individual, you will begin to disentangle yourself from your narcissistic spouse. You will become more detached and capable of seeing the narcissist clearly, recognizing that you are entitled to lead the life you deserve. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Disentangling Yourself From Your Narcissistic Husband

Many women marry narcissistic men without knowing it. It is very easy to be taken in by these super charmers. You are married to a Jekyll/hyde personality In public he is Dr. Jekyll—-magnetic and charismatic in his persona. Behind closed doors, Mr. Hyde walks in. He strikes fear in you. He is enraged constantly, verbally abusive and out of control. Your narcissistic husband has a fixed personality disorder that is not going to changed. He is enraptured with himself, believing that he is superior, brilliant and perfect. He has no respect for you—you are disposable. He can find someone else with whom to replace you.

As soon as you are aware that you are married to a narcissist, begin to strengthen yourself on every level–psychologically, emotionally, physically and spiritually. Practicing quieting your mind with meditation and yoga. Walking and other forms of cardiovascular exercise give you endorphins, those hormones of feelings of well being and energy and stamina that will help you through your severing this toxic relationship. Trust in yourself and know that you deserve to lead a life that belongs to you. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissists- Becoming More Cruel and Ruthless

The narcissistic personality disorder is fixed but not static. As the narcissist becomes more successful in the world, he/she activates greater and greater grandiosity, extreme self entitlement and ruthlessness. If he/she is at the top of his profession—finance, medicine, entertainment, politics, media, etc. he/she is surrounded by a circle of people who believe that he is far superior to them or anyone else. This protective circle provides the high level narcissist with a continuous circulation of narcissistic supplies: adulation, praise, accolades, the highest monetary compensation. These individuals are insulated from any wrongdoing on their part. As these narcissists move to higher tiers of power and influence of great reach, they are almost untouchable in terms of being held accountable for their personal misdeeds and treacheries. The narcissist becomes more emboldened by his increasing reign of power, his control over others, his capacity to destroy them, his winning at all cost. At the highest levels he assures himself that he can make or break anyone. And often this is the case. Does it matter to him if he destroys someone else’s career. Absolutely not! This is business—hardball. Those who side with him (not knowing that they too are disposable) will vanquish his enemies. The narcissist becomes more and more ruthless and inhumane as he grabs more power and becomes more manically delusional.

If this narcissist is a waking nightmare at work, he is hellish at home. Here in the private space there is no need wear his false mask. It is ripped off by the time he reaches the front door.He screams, taunts, threatens,demeans, humiliates his spouse and children. The reign of narcissistic terror is endless. He has his spouse in a psychological stranglehold. If the marriage is going badly and the spouse suggests a divorce, the decree of threat comes down—“You will be left with nothing.” “I will get full custody of the kids.” “Everyone will know that you have instigated the divorce and take my side.” “I will hire a small group of attorneys who know exactly how to defeat you at every turn in the divorce process.” These threats are continuous and terrorize the non-narcissistic spouse. I have been in communication with men and women who are so frightened that they feel that their only recourse is to stay in the toxic marriage. If you make “nice” with the narcissist, he will always find ways to belittle and threaten you. In some cases he has complete power over the finances, leaving the non-narcissistic spouse at his mercy. Some spouses reach a breaking point—They are in severe distress–They cannot sleep; they are on red alert free floating anxiety all of the time; their physical health is suffering; their children are enduring emotional stress as a result of the narcissist’s constant eruptions of rage, outrageous demands and ongoing cruelties and humiliations.

Don’t wait for the narcissist to change course. He knows he can control and manipulate you at any time. He is eclipsing your life and the lives of your children. Some spouses take a courageous step to sever their relationship from these highly disturbed individuals. They strengthen themselves physically, mentally, psychologically and spiritually. They surround themselves with a protective support group. I have heard from many of those who made this decision and successfully severed their relationship with the narcissistic spouse. All of their efforts—well thought out and skillfully done—paid off. They reclaimed their lives and changed the trajectories of their children’s destinies.This was not easy. It takes great courage and an abiding confidence in the self. To learn about every aspect of the narcissistic personality disorder and how to protect yourself from them, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narc issists are Envious of You—You are Real—Narcissist is Fraudulent

Envy is an emotion that is not discussed openly. People are secretive about their envy—This is a feeling of resentment that an individual has about wanting to possess the qualities of another person or what they control and own. As they puff themselves with circulating narcissistic supplies: adulation, praise, social status, professional achievement–the narcissist holds his envy close. After all, he/she is perfect, unsurpassed. Why should he care about you and your petty achievements. Much of this envy is driven by his unconscious feelings of dark emotional emptiness. He has no resources to go inside himself and feel solid, secure and authentic. The narcissist is always competing with others to better them and defeat them. He views those who are perceived as more successful as his enemies. If they won’t capitulate to his will, he will obliterate those who stand in his way. These ruthless endeavors are played out in many divorce procedures where narcissists are involved.

Recognize that the narcissist is a vindictive human being who will not change. These individuals suffer from a severe personality disorder. Remove yourself from relationships with these individualsincluding family members, siblings, parents and spouses. This may mean divorcing a narcissist or separating from them permanently. No matter how many years, effort and time you have taken to improve your relationship with a narcissistic spouse, you are better off not colluding with this level of pathology. Wash you hands of these disturbed people so that you can be free to lead your own life, , expand and deepen your creative gifts and seek and achieve inner peace. To learn about the narcissisic personality disorder in-depth, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition

Psychological Detachment from Your Abusive Narcissistic Spouse

Narcissistic spouses are all abusive in one way or another. They operate in a climate of psychological intimidation. They have different communication styles. Some make constant demands. They expect to get what they want immediately on the spot. If they don’t receive the perfect solution or answer, they start screaming at the top of their lungs. Narcissists have very strong lungs and steel vocal cords. That could be because they have so much practice. Most spouses are very disturbed by these abusive non stop demands. The narcissist is not going to change. This is a severe fixed personality disorder. Some spouses believe that they can compromise with the narcissist. This is not going to happen. Narcissists are completely arbitrary. They must have it their way without exception.

While you are endeavoring to make a decision about staying with a narcissistic spouse or to leave them, learn how to psychologically detach from them. Focus on your own needs and develop a stronger sense of self entitlement. Work with yourself. Learn to calm your body and mind. This can be done with certain practices like gentle hatha yoga and forms of meditation–sitting and walking meditation. Learning to quiet the mind through a regular practice strengthens your capacity to experience yourself as separate from the narcissist. You learn to go deep inside by consistent practice. Consistency is the key. Dedication and discipline work alongside intention to gain all of the benefits of these practices. As the capacity to quiet your mind strengthens and steadies, you will find that you are more in tune with yourself and much less vulnerable to the theatrics and ruses of the narcissistic spouse. These ancient practices are highly applicable today in developing a sense of steadiness and psychological detachment and increase your capacity for mindfulness and clarity of focus. To learn about the narcissistic personality disorder in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition

Rising Strong and Steady After Divorcing Narcissistic Spouse

You have spent years denying that you were married to a narcissistic personality. Don’t blame yourself. You couldn’t have known. You were serious about building and preserving your marital union. You tried so hard. It would seem to work for a while, then the narcissist would become difficult, even impossible and blame you for everything that went wrong in his life. Narcissists only care about themselves. Everyone else including spouses and children are living narcissistic supplies that will get them to their goals of ultimate control and winning.

Now that you know that you were married to a narcissist and have gone through the painful divorce process, you life is beginning anew. You are healing. Every kind of healing—physical, mental, emotional, spiritual–takes place when we provide the right environment and receptivity to it. Develop routines that focus on your healing every day. Don’t be judgmental. Be kind to yourself. Take time to be alone and quiet with yourself. You may want to meditate or write in a journal or do some gentle yoga poses. Listening to soothing music lifts us out of obsessional thought and feeling patterns and brings us into a positive state where we can begin anew and feel refreshed. Find or create a small support group of people with whom you can share the truth and who care about you. Be appreciative of what you have been through. Work with your creative gifts which have been in cold storage during your marriage to the narcissist. Do a form of cardiovascular exercise that works for you.This increases endorphins, strengthens the immune system and helps you to sleep. Many find that gentle yoga is a source of calming, strengthening and healing the body/mind. Pay close attention to your intuition. It will speak to you and offer wise words or present you with pictures or ideas, indicating the way forward for you. You deserve deep inner peace—claim it. It’s yours. To learn about the narcissistic personality disorder in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D>
TELEPHONE CONSULTATION:UNITED STATES AND INTERNATIONAL
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com, barnes and noble and many others
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Leave the Narcissist’s Golden Circle

What price will you pay to remain a part of the golden circle with whom the narcissist surrounds himself/herself. This is a group of individuals who have been hand picked by the narcissist to enhance his image, maintain and grab more worldly power, to substantially inflate his grandiosity and extreme feelings of self entitlement. As the spouse of a narcissist you are head cheerleader. Many spouses are willing to play this role in exchange for an easy carefree lifestyle where one’s needs are fulfilled, you are waited on and treated with great deference, You are looked upon as a special person only because of the tremendous prestige of your spouse. This is good news and bad news. If you are looked upon as prominent, special person due to your choice of marital partner and your position in the family, you are treated with special care not because of yourself as an individual but solely due to your close association and relationship another person.

All of those within the golden circle–spouses, children, siblings, close business associates, decorative venerating friends—know how they must obey to remain part of this highly select group. Some members are truly mesmerized by the narcissist, believing that he can do no wrong and that his powers of persuasion and manipulation are limitless.

If you have been enraptured by your role in the golden circle of the narcissist as spouse, child or professional associate and finally recognize that this person is unfair, manipulative, incapable of empathy, deceitful and exploitive, this is your opportunity to take leave of this role to find yourself as an individual. Spouses become highly stressed and disgusted with the control of their lives by the narcissist. Some of them do research and discover that they are married to a duplicitous, severe personality disorder. If the spouse has children with this individual he or she may be very concerned about the negative influence of having a narcissist as a parent.

Waking up from the delusion of believing in the narcissist as a raison d’etre represents a positive shift that provides an opportunity to lead your life, using all of your creative gifts, protecting your children, living with deep inner peace. I have communicated with those who have left the golden circle, especially spouses. Although it can be difficult, these life shifts away from the psychological imprisonment to freedom , this is a positive life choice. With the help of quality psychotherapy, the encouragement and compassion of a strong support group and a deepened understanding of the true nature of the narcissist and all of the psychological nightmares they impose on all of those close to them, this represents ultimately a turn to emotional freedom and re-instituting your own life. Those who achieve this goal deserve our congratulation. They now can make all of their own life decisions—small and large, can move through expansive pathways of creativity and spirituality (in the way that this has meaning for you.) I hear very hopeful reports and a stories of gratefulness and victory when freedom has now become a realization. We celebrate your great accomplishment. To learn about the narcissistic personality disorder in-depth, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com, Barnes and Noble, etc.
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Malicious Narcissists—Convincing Others You are at Fault Or Crazy

Narcissists have a sinister side, especially if they want something that you have and you refuse to comply. This becomes very ugly during the severing of a marital relationship. Many non-narcissistic spouses who have been treated abominably still want to believe that when it comes to ending the marriage, the narcissist will be fair and amenable to negotiation in good faith. Be clear here—-Absolutely Not! This is what they do to their victims—Bring on the army of shark-toothed lawyers and go for the jugular. To protect yourself, study and research in-depth the true nature of the narcissistic personality including examples from real life. Get to know this personality profile intimately. It will be a strong reminder when you start to bend or buckle to the narcissist’s tricks, tactics, strong arming techniques and charm offensive.

Another dark ploy is that narcissists or their doubles, contact your relatives, in-laws, friends and anyone who will listen to broadcast blatant lies about your character. This doesn’t happen in all instances but it is remarkable the lengths these malicious individuals exceed to trash you, putting you at fault and even leading others to believe that you are “crazy.” Even people whom you have trusted —family members—can be flipped to the narcissist’s side, especially if he has influence where you have lived and deep pockets.

To successfully deal with these complex and stressful situations as you move toward divorce, be sure you hire an attorney who is not only an expert in family law but who is exceedingly savvy about the ruses, tricks and ploys of the narcissistic personality disorder. Your attorney needs to be highly professional but fearless in facing this relentless cruel and destructive individual. An excellent attorney in these situations must be like ultra-marathon runners. Regardless of any obstacle placed in front of them by the narcissist, they are undaunted. Their perseverance is golden.

A narcissist (male or female) will wage a custody battle for the sole purpose of trying to psychologically and financially decimate the former spouse. For the narcissist, revenge is sweet. It’s where they live in their delusional treacherous minds.

Surround yourself with individuals whom you can trust completely and who believe and understand the horrible ordeal you are going through. Be good to yourself. Know that you hold the truth. You are very wise. If some others around you don’t believe your life story, don’t associate with them. Don’t talk about your personal life. Be protective of your privacy. Another dirty offensive is to make you look “crazy” . This is so cruel and sadistic. Know that you are the sane one who is holding the truth. You are entitled to be treated with respect. You deserve it. Pay close attention to your intuition. It will always reveal the truth to you and help you to maintain a sense of steadiness and calm. To learn about the narcissistic personality disorder in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com