Stop Acting As the High Level Narcissist’s Primary Source of Narcissistic Supply - The Narcissist In Your Life

Narcissist-Ultimate Controller

Narcissist King is in his castle; Narcissist Queen is in her castle. Some narcissists build monuments to themselves that represent their power and perfection. In business they succeed by surrounding themselves with compliant individuals who are answerable only to him or her. They have no mind of their own.

At home the narcissist is Chief Intimidator. he barks out the orders. The non-narcissistic spouse has no say. If she speaks up, watch out for the eruption of volcanic rage. A child with a stronger personality is these families is going to be psychologically abused and discarded. The narcissistic father uses this child as an example of what can happen to the others if they don’t obey without question.

If you grew up with a narcissistic mother/father tyrant you have suffered psychological wounds that require healing. Know what you deserve—to be treated as a unique individual who is respected and valued. Don’t repeat this dysfunctional pattern. Many of these children marry narcissists! Find healing practices that work you, including gentle yoga, meditation, quality psychotherapy. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: [email protected]

Scapegoated Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers and Narcissistic Daughters

We would expect that a child would feel safe in her home. This is not the case with a child who has been put in the victim role by her narcissistic mother. Narcissistic mothers are completely absorbed with themselves. Many of them have children to enhance their image of having a perfect family. The work of raising, nurturing and protecting one’s child is expected and essential. The narcissistic mother often turns her daughter(s) over to babysitters or nannies when the child is very young, even an infant. She makes sure that friends and acquaintances believe that she is a devoted mother. She talks about her daughter, pretending that she is emotionally invested in her child. This is not the case. If one of her daughters has been chosen by mother as the special one, her treatment of this child is completely different. This daughter is privileged from infancy.Mother is fixated on this child who holds the promise of being a perfect replica of herself. Narcissistic mothers choose this special little girl for various reasons; physical beauty, mental brilliance, charm and magnetism that win people over.

Narcissistic mothers often rule the family. Father is present in name only. He is a fixture in his own house. Some of these fathers are workaholics and prefer to be away from home than to deal with the cold harsh temperament of this woman.

The narcissistic mother deals with her unconscious fury by projecting it on to a daughter whom she has picked as a scapegoat. It is not unusual for the victim to be a highly sensitive little girl. She has no defense against the ridicule, demeaning verbal assaults of these highly disturbed mothers. This situation can become more traumatic if the narcissistic mother and her narcissistic daughter join forces in the taunting and humiliation of this child. I have heard from adult daughters scapegoated in this manner. Their stories are heartrending. Many of them survive by entering the world of books, art, uses of the imagination. Some are fortunate to have a special friend whom they can visit often enough to take the psychological pressure off of them for short times.

Adult daughters who survive the narcissistic mother wars are incredible psychological warriors. Many of them experience symptoms of post traumatic stress syndrome and spend years in the aftermath of these traumas and their efforts to heal. Individuals who have been through such a prolonged ordeal need our understanding and compassion. Many of them find their way to healing through support groups, participate in psychotherapy, work with healing modalities–gentle yoga, walking and sitting meditation, The deeper our understanding of the true nature of narcissistic mothers the better we are prepared to help ourselves in the process of healing from these highly pathological family constellations. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

First Born Narcissistic Daughter’s Reign of Terror

In some dysfunctional families, mother and father are not narcissists. They want the best for their children but one or both of them make the mistake of allowing their first born daughter to control them from early on through her temper tantrums, battles of will, her sneering disregard and demeaning of her young siblings. In many instances the father has capitulated his power to the mother. Some of these mothers are psychologically weak, feel inadequate, tend to give in to stronger personalities. I know of several family constellations where the oldest narcissistic daughter is ruling the household by the age of four. Mother is so intimidated by her that there are no limits placed on her behavior. This budding narcissist is very willful and overwhelms her mother.

The first born narcissistic daughter is frequently cruel and brutal with her young siblings. She makes fun of them, telling them they are stupid. Mother does not correct her out of control child. She, the adult, is afraid to say anything because she fears a full screaming fit by her older daughter. I have seen younger siblings suffer horribly under the reign of terror of these narcissistic Queen Bees. These wars continue through adulthood with the parents bending to the will of their narcissistic, unempathic cruel, controlling daughter.

If you were in this stressful, demeaning role as the sibling of a narcissistic older sister, it is time to recognize that you deserve to be respected as an individual even if your parents are too psychologically weak to speak the truth—that their oldest daughter is a cruel narcissist. You may have to sever your relationship from your older sister. She is simply impossible and very toxic to you. The singular goal is to end this hurtful relationship to lead your own life. Free yourself to use all of your creative gifts, set your spontaneity loose, develop intimate emotional relationships,work toward achieving pychological wholeness and deep inner peace. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Ultimate Narcissistic Delusion—Believing They are Good People

“Although he may be a malevolent human being, the narcissist believes that he is a “good person.” (From:Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life) Au contraire! Those who have been married to narcissists or had a narcissistic parent tell a very different story. They have spent much of their lives at the mercy of the narcissist’s deceptions, intimidations, exploitations and complete lack of empathy. Within the inner walls of the family the ugly truth is laid bare. Narcissists put members of their family at their mercy. They terrify their children with threats, horrific rages and innumerable broken promises. Children of narcissists are used as props for photo opportunities and public display at social and business events. Their role is to be decorative and to increase the narcissist’s opportunities to boost his ego. Narcissists luxuriate in their bragging rights about their golden children. It isn’t enough for them to be talking about how wonderful they are every moment. They extend this activity to the child/children they have chosen to make them look even more superior.

Despite all of their transgressions as human beings—a complete lack of loyalty to spouses, the perpetual personal betrayals, the lives they have destroyed with their lies, the people they have psychologically maimed and stepped on to get to the top, they believe and convince many others that they are Good Human Beings.
They play this part so expertly that many in their personal and professional circles believe them. And to make it even worse, they blame those who have been victimized by the narcissists, including his own children. Current and ex-wives who are maligned by the narcissist are put on the “she’s a nutcase list”. If children don’t tow the line they become personas non grata and are ejected from the family tableau.

To protect yourself from narcissists and take the upper hand with them, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Are You Married to a Narcissistic Golden Boy—Protect Yourself

“In many ways, the birth of the future narcissist is a second coming, the fulfillment of all the hopes and dreams of the parents. Because they feel empty and inadequate and are often narcissistic themselves, the child is the chosen one, the answer to all of their prayers…A common message communicated by the parents is: ‘Everything we do is for you—you are the center of our world.’ ” (From: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life)

Golden boy narcissists are standouts almost from the beginning. Handsome, highly confident, athletic, bright—they magnify us with their presence. They have a dynamic that tells us they can handle and master whatever comes along in their lives. If they are attracted to you, it won’t be long before you find them irresistible. When we feel the sexual attraction and emotional pull it is very difficult to listen to any mental doubts we might have. The golden boy is a master of the chase. If he wants a particular woman by his side, he is gifted at reeling her in. Narcissists can gauge how attracted you are to them. They know just which buttons to push, how to create an aura of excitement and unlimited possibilities and put it at your feet. Their promises and the pictures they paint of a life with them are highly believable.

Within a short time you are psychologically fused with them and romantically thrilled by being the chosen woman with whom this special person will share his life. For a short time after the marriage, everything appears to be going as promised. Then, a shift takes place. You catch you spouse in lies. He denies them and is furious with you for false accusation. You question yourself, believing that you could be wrong. The idealization of the golden boy narcissist by the non-narcissistic spouse is the painful, predictable mistake that is made. Their acts are so convincing that some golden boy narcissists belong on the Broadway stage.

As time moves forward, the red flags are more frequent. Every time something goes wrong, you are blamed.Quite often it is the narcissist who is out of line. That doesn’t matter. Narcissists don’t make mistakes. You take the blame even though it hurts. You have invested too much of yourself to do otherwise. Then there is the narcissist’s role as master controller. He dictates every phase of your life, even to the smallest detail. Narcissists monitor your thoughts and tell you that your thinking is amiss. “What’s the matter with you? You’re so confused. Why are you constantly over-reacting?” If you want to go through the family finances with the narcissistic, he becomes very defensive and then angry and ugly. He accuses you of not trusting him. As the marriage goes along in years, the golden boy narcissist becomes an attack dog,showing his fangs whenever you speak with independent thinking and an assertive voice. You are castigated, humiliated and verbally threatened. “You do it my way or else.” That’s what this so called golden boy is saying. Finally you recognize that this “relationship” isn’t working. There’s no warmth, no respect,no empathy–just constant stress and being on an emotional edge that is intolerable.

Learn to protect yourself from these GB narcissists. Don’t buy into their lies and prevarications. They are not going to change. The narcissistic personality is a fixed. The narcissists adores himself and controls everyone else. Why should he change–he’s perfect.

Often it is best to cut your loses and look to your future without the narcissistic golden boy. Listen to your intuition, the wise one inside of us. Call on friends whom you trust to be supportive and respectful of your decisions and are available when you need them. Take time to study the narcissistic personality in-depth. Don’t blame yourself for what the narcissist has put you through. Look forward to a life that you deserve that is filled with creativity, affection, spontaneity and a deep peace that is waiting for you. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Step Out of the Narcissist’s Delusional World Now

“The narcissist lives in an intricate world of his making dominated by inflated illusions of self importance. His style is grandiose—like some peacock or wild turkey with feathers in full display…Experiencing himself at the center of life like a sun surrounded by encircling planets, the narcissist believes that everything flows from him.” (From:
Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life). You are “real” to the narcissist and defined by what you can achieve for him not who you are. The narcissist expects you to follow his lead and stroke his ego. Your independent thought is foreign to him and considered inferior.

Narcissists run cold about the feelings of others, especially spouses and children. If you are upset, never expect to be comforted. The narcissist may make a few noises in your direction but then he’s off to his own pursuits. To get along with a narcissist you are expected to share his delusions of greatness at the same time that you ignore the devastating psychological effects of the harm you are enduring. Eventually, the non-narcissistic spouse may recognize that this is not a genuine relationship. Quite often there is a painful back and forth vacillation that occurs. The injured spouse decides to take the narcissist back, even re-marries him and has additional children only to find out that this person has not changed. The narcissist becomes even more manipulative and ruthless, leading to a serious personal crisis for the non-narcissist. Narcissists walk blithely away from the emotional chaos they have created. They are bored with all of the “theatrics” of their spouses, their “overreactions.” Often they have someone else who has already replaced the psychologically abused spouse. Many narcissists abandon their children, figuring that it is much easier to produce some new ones with someone else.

Learn to identify in depth the specific characteristics of the narcissistic personality—their quirks, tricks, games, ruses and understand that it is not worth giving your life to someone who is absolutely incapable of emotional intimacy or empathy and will not change. If you are already in a marital situation with a narcissist that is causing havoc in your life, seriously consider severing this “relationship.” Think clearly about the steps you need to take to maintain your emotional and psychological stamina. Remind yourself that you deserve to lead a life that belongs to you that gives you every opportunity to use your creative gifts, to make decisions freely, to experience inner peace and, yes, joy. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Is the Narcissist Exploiting You Again…

“The narcissist is a master at extracting the pulp and juice of others-their time, talent, creative ideas, energies-to serve his purpose alone…All relationships with narcissistic individuals are exploitive….Whether personal or professional, agreements, contracts, or covenants with narcissists are made to be broken.” (From: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life).

Narcissists don’t waste their time with you unless you will bring them success, status and/or money. If you are not, they cannot be bothered with you and cross you off of their list. The narcissist is always scanning his environment, looking for those who will produce for him. By seduction or guile he will win over and claim as his own those who will feed his boundless ego. Every relationship for the narcissist is a stepping-stone to success. Narcissists are always looking toward the future to plot, plan and achieve their next goal.

Narcissists think of others as inanimate objects, like pieces on a chessboard that they can masterfully manipulate.

To protect yourself from narcissists and be free of their intrusions on your life, learn to identify them quickly. Pay close attention to your intuition–that wisest of voices that always tells you who someone really is. Study the narcissistic personality disorder in depth. Build a strong grounded center within yourself. Treat yourself with respect and build a strong sense of self entitlement. Practice healing modalities that work for you: gentle hat yoga, q gong, meditation. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

You Are Not Your Narcissistic Spouse’s Servant

“Besides jeopardizing their psychological and physical health, those who live with narcissists, particularly spouses, rob themselves of vital opportunities to develop their unique creative gifts. The se aside their talents, dries and dreams to spend huge amount of time and energy at the disposal of a corporate wife or husband or an obsessive entrepreneur.” (From: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life)

You may wake up today and realize that you have been in the role of servant to your narcissistic spouse for many years. If you grew up with a narcissistic parent, mother in particular, the stage is set in many ways. You were to go-for person, the fixer, the one who took care of the other children. You were the little mother, the protector. You didn’t have a childhood. Don’t repeat this painful pattern. Make a clear decision to either stay with this narcissist who is not going to change or to sever the relationships. Take very good care of yourself. Make sure you have the support of a few friends with whom you can communicate at any time. Practice healing modalities like walking or sitting meditation and gentle yoga. Pay attention and follow your intuition. It is your best friend for life. To learn about the narcissistic personality disorder in-depth, visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist In your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: [email protected]

Disentangling Yourself From Narcissistic Husband

Many women marry narcissistic men without knowing it. It is very easy to be taken in by these super charmers. If you now recognize that you are married to this man, you experience his Jekyll/Hyde traits—-magnetic and charismatic, wearing his public persona. Everyone in his adoring audience is applauding–This is Dr. Jekyll. Behind closed doors another hidden personality comes out of the shadows—Yes, Mr. Hyde is here. Mr. Hyde strikes fear in his spouse. He is filled with endless rage that spews out in frightening ways. He is always right; you are always wrong. Mr. Hyde criticizes you, expecting you to be perfect. When you let down and think that your life is becoming calmer, your spouse verbally demeans you, calls you worthless and stupid, causing severe emotional distress. You ask yourself: Should I stay in this marriage. Maybe, I’m at fault. If I tried harder, was more patient, gave him more of a chance, we could work it out.

This kind of thinking will prolong the narcissistic spouse’s verbal abuse and your constant anxiety, depression and feelings of being trapped. Study the narcissistic personality disorder in-depth. Narcissists do not change; this is a fixed characterlogical disorder. Narcissists are not only pleased with themselves; they are ecstatic about their perfect selves, their mastery and control of others and the adulation of their adoring circle. Work consistently at becoming stronger psychologically and using your creative gifts. Take time practicing quieting your mind with gentle yoga and meditation in the way that these healing modalities work for you. As you develop a sense of separateness and a greater appreciation of yourself as a unique individual, you will begin to disentangle yourself from your narcissistic spouse. You will become more detached and capable of seeing the narcissist clearly, recognizing that you are entitled to lead the life you deserve. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Disentangling Yourself From Your Narcissistic Husband

Many women marry narcissistic men without knowing it. It is very easy to be taken in by these super charmers. You are married to a Jekyll/hyde personality In public he is Dr. Jekyll—-magnetic and charismatic in his persona. Behind closed doors, Mr. Hyde walks in. He strikes fear in you. He is enraged constantly, verbally abusive and out of control. Your narcissistic husband has a fixed personality disorder that is not going to changed. He is enraptured with himself, believing that he is superior, brilliant and perfect. He has no respect for you—you are disposable. He can find someone else with whom to replace you.

As soon as you are aware that you are married to a narcissist, begin to strengthen yourself on every level–psychologically, emotionally, physically and spiritually. Practicing quieting your mind with meditation and yoga. Walking and other forms of cardiovascular exercise give you endorphins, those hormones of feelings of well being and energy and stamina that will help you through your severing this toxic relationship. Trust in yourself and know that you deserve to lead a life that belongs to you. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com