Stop Acting As the High Level Narcissist’s Primary Source of Narcissistic Supply - The Narcissist In Your Life

Use Your Intuition-No Contact with Narcissist

You have been suffering from breaking up and going back with your narcissistic ex for years. You know the pattern. You don’t him see or hear from him in several months after one of your many partings. He calls; you are hooked again. I communicate with a number of women who are trapped in this repetitious pattern. Many of them have been married to narcissists. Each time they resume the relationship, they believe that this time it is all going to work. Narcissists are not capable of loving or being loyal with other human beings. They have a serious personality that is not going to change. They are false selves, often with an irresistible facade. Most people fall for this and believe that the persona is the real person. This is not the case.

Instead of repeating a psychological pattern that is harmful to you, use your intuition—listen to this voice of wisdom within you—. When the narcissist makes contact or you feel the need to call, email or text him, listen to your intuition say no. Intuitive messages move through us very quickly. We learn to be attuned to them. This is a great gift. The more consistently you use intuition the more finely tuned it becomes. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Sociopathic Narcissists-Don’t Wait for Formal Justice in This Lifetime

If you have been psychologically, financially and/or emotionally damaged by a sociopathic narcissists, sociopath, don’t wait for for him or her to be brought to justice –formal or informal–in this lifetime. It is chilling to watch how these non-blood drawing criminals get away with destroying the lives of others.

I am in communication with individuals whose lives have been eclipsed, diminished and disrupted by these people. They are so clever at covering their tracks and if they live and work at the higher reaches of a current society where many value absolute power and materialism, they are assured of being protected by business and social associates that give them praise, veneration and blind loyalty. These tight groups of deceit and exclusivity reflexively close ranks and protect destructive and abominable behaviors.

On the opposite side of the divide are individuals of the finest character. Despite their professional achievements, their socioeconomic status and all of the praise they receive, they never forget that they are no more important or valuable than any other human being. In fact, they are grateful for what they have achieved. They are aware of the suffering and difficulties of others who are not as fortunate as they are.

If you are still involved with a sociopathic narcissist, you know deep inside that your life is compromised and and you are being whittled down by this controlling, demanding personality. I hear from women who for decades have been married to these men and will not leave them. They are paying a very high price for this decision. Their identities have been blurred, their creative opportunities have been squelched and their nervous systems are worn from the chronic harsh criticisms, constant demands, intimidations and betrayals by their partners.

When you make the decision to sever the relationship from the sociopathic narcissist, this is an enormous step in reclaiming your life. It takes tremendous courage. You are demanding to have what belongs to you: a life that is filled with hope, creative energy, the possibilities of reciprocal love and respect and inner peace. Gather your support group around you. Research the best attorneys and interview them in depth. Call upon your spiritual practice if you have one, keep yourself physically strong through consistent exercise. Stay in the present but envision the freedom and all of the opportunities that await in this next phase of your life. Take hold of your destiny with open arms. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissists-Using Lies to Invent Their Truth

Narcissists are compulsive liars—-they can’t help themselves. This is not an excuse for their abominable behavior. It is part of their psychopathology. Narcissists spend their lives in a state of delusion, a world of their making. They find others to share this delusion with them. If they are highly successful they have no difficulty finding those who are willing to “play with them” and share their lifestyles. At the core of it, the narcissist is a very small petulant child who has major tantrums if he doesn’t get everything he wants.

One of the chief ways the narcissist reaches his goals is through lying—overt and covert lies. He/she often bad mouths others, makes efforts to destroy their characters and professional status to move themselves foreword up the ladder. They have no compunctions about lying to everyone. They have clever concocted stories for each person in their inner circle and for the world at large. They lie to their spouses all of the time, to their children—promising them they will spend time with them and then making excuses at the last minute. Narcissists never show up for their children unless it is the favorite golden child that they have picked to be their alter ego. They are very keen at inventing “truths”—intricate stories out of whole cloth. People believe them, even highly sophisticated individuals who should know better. It is the charm and magnetism that camouflages their perfidy every time. Once the narcissist has established power in the world he continues with his lies. He says the opposite of what he does. He promises constantly and never honors these proclamations. He knows that he can create his own reality and if this involves ripping people off for millions of dollars over and over again, or destroying the lives of his children because he was neglectful and cruel, causing so much stress that his spouse becomes very ill—-none of this matters. He faces those who confront his lying with more lies. And this works for the high and mighty these days. We live in a highly narcissistic age where these people are running most of the show. Learn everything you can about the narcissistic personality disorder. Protect yourself from these highly disturbed predatory individuals. Lead your own life, using your many creative gifts. Visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissism and Spirituality-A Noxious Brew

Spiritual treks and pilgrimages have become very popular within the new age culture, with many people enjoying a newfound understanding of themselves through their angel number, check out how it affects you. Among these followers there are sincere people who are looking for ways to re-direct their lives, to become humbler, calmer, compassionate, more in touch with their authentic selves. There are spiritual teachers who are very sincere. I am speaking about narcissists who have discovered that offering seminars, books, dvds, ebooks, etc. is one of the surest ways to make large sums of money and be venerated as a very special person.

Narcissistic gurus offer their embossed brand of spirituality. It’s presented as instant and sure. They emphasize that you are just the right person to participate in their program and tell you that you are highly intuitive and that there is a special reason why you found them. They make you feel special. Their eye contact is intense as they draw you in. In some ways they put their prospective students in a light trance. The begin by flattering you. They pretend to listen and to care deeply about all of the life problems that have brought you to their door. They spend just enough time with you to convince you to give them a bank card and sign up. Once they have you in their clutches they will keep pressuring you to sign up for more advanced classes that cost higher amounts of money. Never decide that a person is spiritual based on how many seminars he/she has given, their academic or medical degrees, how many books they have published, the size of their audiences.

Protect yourself from this spiritual predator. Read in depth about the narcissistic personality disorder. Stay in touch with that deep part of you that is highly intuitive and can identify phonies very quickly. Working toward spiritual growth is not about spending a lot of money. It is your spiritual journey. You are free to choose the path you will take. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Children of Narcissistic Mothers-Objects to be Used

There are large numbers of children who were “raised” by narcissistic mothers. I use the word raised with question because these individuals are incapable of true mothering. Psychoanalyst Alice Miller describes the psychodynamics between the narcissistic mother and her child: “The child…was the narcissistically cathected object. What these mothers had once failed to find in their own mothers they were able to find in their children: someone at their disposal who can be used as an echo, who can be controlled, is completely centered on them, will never desert them, and offers full attention and admiration.” So many adult children of narcissistic mothers continue to play this role of servant and adorer throughout their lives. Every energy, gift, thought, sense of initiative is quashed by the narcissistic mother. They grow up knowing only that they survive by being and remaining attached, fused and loyal only to mother.

Some of these individuals awaken at some point in their development and recognize that they have been imprisoned in a psychological and emotional gulag. The walls of their psychological cells are thick with emotional brainwashing; their minds are taken over only by thoughts of what the narcissistic mother demands of them. They feel anger and frustration but that disappears when they are enveloped by the darkness and delusion of their mother’s hold on them. This is a tragic life course.

Some adult children through their own self analysis, psychotherapy, personal support groups, the working of their insights—discover that they deserve to be released from this nightmare of captivity. They awaken, shake themselves and start moving slowly toward healing and transformation. They expand the use of their creative energies and gifts that have been locked in cold storage. They begin to fledge with practice like a young eagle from branch to branch. They falter at times. But this is all part of self strenghtening. At some point they are ready to fly from the tallest tree in their environment. Now they feel entitled and deserving to become and manifest themselves both inside and in the world. They launch with strong wings that ride the winds, unstoppable and free now to participate in the beauty and meaning of their own lives. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Varieties of Narcissistic Rage I

Beneath the surface the narcissist is always seething with rage. Some narcissists are clever concealers. No one in their external environment would ever suspect that in the privacy of their homes they are out of control screamers. It is not unusual for them to literally get in your face. You watch the veins of the face and neck bulging, wondering when they’re going to pop. I have heard many horrendous stories of a narcissistic parent’s menacing ways. Some narcissists carry out physical beatings on their children. Others prefer the psychological torture of maintaining an environment of terror and panic. By keeping the anxiety temperature at the highest levels, children and spouses are in a constant state of uneasiness. This makes them easy pawns for manipulation.

One of the most unpleasant varieties is that of the narcissist who creates ugly public scenes to get what he wants, when he wants it. He will accept no authority other than his own. When he is in restaurants, stores, at meetings and his argument is not going well, he simply turns up the volume to full blast. The people around him are first shocked. Then they become frightened. I have seen many narcissists get their way with this full throated approach.

The opposite is the covert narcissist–that charming, gracious, attractive, “humble” individual who pretends to be a saint but has been plotting your occupational, marital or psychological demise for a very long time. These are the tricksters, those double agent narcissists who present themselves as saviors and then go into all out combat to destroy you when the right moment arises. They are the schemers. You may even believe they are your ally. Never be surprised among family members. When it comes to wills and trusts there is often treachery and betrayal. An aunt, parent or sibling has plotted most of his life to acquire the family wealth, leaving crumbs to everyone else. He or she plays up the aging matriarch or patriarch, tells lies about the other family members, fabricates scandals, even crimes. These fictional tales are believed by the aging parent. The villain here makes sure that he maintains his role as savior to the parent holding the bulging purse of gold. He goes out of his way to be unusually attentive. He orchestrates his meticulous moves in such a way that he is trusted completely and given complete control of the estate and all of its holdings. This knowledge remains secret until the parent is deceased.. All hell breaks loose when the other family members learn the truth of the betrayal. But it is too late. This treacherous deed is a way of obtaining the maximum of narcissistic supplies for himself and at the same time disrupting and eclipsing the lives of other family members. The narcissist has achieved his only goal—winning at any cost. This is the circuitous route his rage has taken—the web of lies, deceits, plotting, secrecy, revenge and destruction. These narcissists have no conscience and never look back on what they have done. They easily justify all of their evil moves. They deserve to have everything. They are entitled to all of the spoils and winnings. That’s the way they play their dirty game, stepping on friends and family members to reach their goals.

One particularly egregious type of narcissistic rage is revealed in the endless fight for custody of children that is waged for years. The narcissists doesn’t give a damn about his children with the exception of a child he can use as an echo of himself. His children are possessions to be used to take revenge and destroy the life of the ex-wife or ex-husband. I have witnessed too many occasions in which the narcissist has used loopholes and machinations of the justice system to obtain a substantial amount of custody of his children. This is not done out of love but spite. Even further, it speaks of sadistic measures on his part that are meant to land a final blow to the non-narcissistic spouse who truly loves the children.

Waging these battles is very tough and requires the support of an excellent attorney who has mastered family law and understands the dark meanderings of the narcissistic mind. If you are in this position, do not give up or give in. Gather support around you from every quarter. You may lose some of your financial assets (or not) but you will have saved your children. That is the greatest achievement of all—creating a peaceful, emotionally consistent and calm, affectionate and loving, affirmative and creative life for your children. This is their legacy–the demonstration of the depth of your love. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Marital Counseling with Narcissistic Spouses-Taking a Big Chance

Many men and women marry narcissists without knowing the truth about their personality structures. This is not surprising. Narcissists appear to have it all—the image of physical attractiveness, smooth social skills, charm, even charisma combined with great self confidence. What’s not to fall for. In the beginning the narcissist is very attentive to the partner he/she has chosen. Many of these masterful manipulators bend to your every wish, even anticipating what you want before you ask for it. They are lavish in their attention and giving. As time moves on, the emotional scene changes and you notice how demanding, perfectionistic, cunning and deceptive they are. For many spouses a time comes when the non-narcissistic spouse has reached a point where she can no longer tolerate marriage to this self absorbed unempathic partner. Some spouses want to save the marriage. They unwittingly believe that they are dealing with a normal person—someone who is willing to go into therapy with the best intentions and try to sort out the mutual and individual issues that will improve their marriage. This happens frequently and doesn’t have a favorable result.

It is your decision to enter couples therapy. My clinical experience has been that narcissists believe that they are superior, have no imperfections, that problems with the marriage belong to their partner. They will either refuse to go to therapy or if they do will sabotage the process. In some cases, they persuade the therapist to take their side. That’s the cunning of the narcissistic personality disorder.

Rather than trying to fix or change your narcissistic spouse, it would be more helpful to you, if you are seeking therapy, find an excellent counselor and see them one on one. It is important that this professional has studied narcissistic personality disorder in depth and has counseled many spouses who are married to these individuals. Think about your emotional and psychological welfare first and that of your children. There are solutions. They may not preserve the marriage but they will help you to reclaim your life, your emotional and psychological well being. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissists are Never Wrong-They are Perfect

You can never win with a narcissist if you are a person who is truth oriented. Narcissists live in a world where their delusions of power and omnipotence are the truth. If you are married to a narcissist or have a parent who is a narcissist if its very stressful and disconcerting to “always be wrong.” When a powerful narcissist repeats the same lie over and over again and has a large audience of believers, his adoring circle will side with him/her against you. Truth is foreign to the narcissist. His personality is built on a grandiose false self, a person who was created to believe that he was superior, perfect and without flaw. He was never held accountable for his mistakes, lies or cruelties. His parents gave him no sense of limits or respect for other human beings. He learned as a child to exploit and manipulate other human beings to win at any cost. The damage to another person’s life was collateral and necessary to his goals. Narcissists early on believe that they are always right, will never admit horrendous mistakes and when confronted, will deflect, delay and tell more lies. They believe they are invincible and perfect. Everyone else is a prospective pawn on his chess table.

You cannot have a real relationship with a narcissist whether this is a spouse, parent or sibling. They will continue to use you, demean you, lie to you and deceive you. Learn to protect yourself from narcissistic family members by studying this personality disorder in depth. Visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com and amazon kindle edition
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissistic Mothers-Where are the Grown-Ups

Some narcissistic mothers want to remain forever young even when they have daughters who are in their forties and fifties. I’m not talking about working to stay healthy, agile and strong. I speaking about physical appearance only. Narcissistic mothers are often jealous of how their teenage and young adult daughters are attracting a lot of men. With the aid of plastic surgery and many other youth enhancing procedures, it is possible for mature women to look as much as twenty years younger than their chronological age. Often I see mothers and daughters out together and it is very difficult to tell who is the grown-up. Narcissistic mothers often dress inappropriately young for their age and role. They wear provocative clothing that is inappropriate in order to draw attention to themselves and away from their daughters. There are occasions when narcissistic mothers seduce their daughter’s boyfriends–a horrible betrayal of trust. This is to prove that she is sought after sexually and that her daughter cannot win, not even a boyfriend whom she had trusted. The narcissistic mother often treats her daughter as an acquaintance of the same age. There are extremes in which the daughter plays the part of mother to her own mother. This is profoundly sad and highly pathological.

Daughters subjected to this kind of abusive treatment throughout their lives find it impossible to continue these sick relationships. They often leave the family, become independent of the narcissistic mother and find their own way . They have recognized that the narcissist cannot mother–love, protect, cherish, be proud of, her own child. This is a very sad realization that needs to be acknowledged and mourned. In the process of healing these daughters recognize their value as individuals and are grateful to be intact after growing up with such serious psychopathology.

These daughters are moving forward to embrace their lives as mature, empathic, productive and loving individuals who deserve all of the credit for doing the hard work of becoming the person they were meant to be. Visit my website:thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Narcissists-Big Hypocrites Concealing Their True Natures

Most Narcissists are obsessed with their image—impeccable physical appearance, professional reputations, societal standing, important connections, their superiority and their need to have others look upon them as wonderful human beings. Narcissists put on such convincing acts that they deceive professional observers like psychotherapists, attorneys and judges.

I have been in communication with family members of narcissists who are shocked at split in the narcissist’s presentation of himself in the world and in his private life. Those inside his charmed circle are entranced with this man or woman who appears to be capable of achieving anything he puts his mind to. These accomplishments are often built up by the narcissist, putting himself in the role of leader and hero. Narcissists are gifted story tellers. They can spin yarns that are full of holes, exaggeration and made from whole cloth and audiences will be hanging on their every word. Narcissists often take credit for the achievements of others.

In private, narcissists act with malicious cruelty, withering ongoing criticism and a steel fist attitude about controlling their family members. Some spouses, siblings and children of narcissists are treated with great disrespect. Many narcissists are never home and lead secret lives with their mistresses and girlfriends.

After years of leading a very stressful life with a narcissist many partners simply cannot carry on this charade any longer. When you awaken and discover that you are married to an ultimate hypocrite who is incapable of loving anyone but himself, it’s time to take stock. Even if you have known this person for years , he is still criticizing you constantly, wearing down your nervous system and your will and any sense of optimism.

If you want to be free of this dreadful hypocrite, you have a decision to make—to stay or leave. This individual is never going to improve. You can change your life and make it a lot better by letting go of the burden of sharing it with this impossible individual. You now know that these men and women are hypocrites to the max. You are genuine and authentic and deserve to lead a life free from this rigid, deeply pathological personality disorders. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: thenarcissistinyourlife.com